Are there little secrets in your relationship?
This article is all about how affairs begin. Often, this is the missing piece when couples work with a generalist when they need to seek a specialist in affair and betrayal counseling after infidelity. What happens before an affair? Before and after an affair, couples may feel emotionally distant from your each other. Learning your partner is having an affair is incredibly painful. There are a host of emotions, anger, jealousy, sadness, loss, and more you can talk about in therapy. As well, one person may be feeling depression, anxiety, or withdrawn. But, if you and your spouse want to work it out, our team of marital therapists specialize with couples looking to create commitment, positive meaning, and true intimacy. At Wisdom Within Counseling working with an affair and infidelity therapist in Mystic, Connecticut supports skills for rebuilding trust, commitment, and a healthy, meaningful bond.
Now, how does an affair or betrayal begin in a romantic relationship? In the beginning, you may start to confide in someone else.
At first, it might just be occasional loneliness. Then, the mind says, “The grass is greener over there. I would be happier with that person over there.” But, an affair develops like an addiction, like a wild fire than is hard to stop without professional help. Separation and divorce rates are much higher due to affairs. “Turning away” is negative. To note, a person “turns away” from their partner in the beginning of an affair and creates infidelity. In affair counseling, your marriage therapist will teach you all about “turning towards” your partner. If you are not used to doing this, it might be like learning to ride a bike for the first time. Lastly, this is an important skill for repairing after an affair.
As couples therapists call it, “turning away” is a negative communication pattern.
In Gottman couples therapy, “turning toward” each other is a skill longterm couples have. So, in an affair or infidelity, this small conversation evolves negatively. Now, this is the beginning of the betrayal. For instance, a person beginning an affair may be at work and start talking with this person more frequently. And, this conversation feels lovely and wonderful. Also, the conversation feels easier than the one the person has at home with their romantic partner.
Now, do you confide in your partner at home that you had this good conversation?
On this note, healing after affairs and betrayals is about not keeping secrets. And, you will soon see why secrets of any kind create betrayal. At home, are you sharing this good conversation with your partner? No, you decide to keep it a secret. Well, a few weeks later, you begin confiding in this person at work more deeply. Next, you are not just talking about the work stress. A person having an affair slowly starts to confide in this person about how badly they feel about their marriage. Again, a betrayal occurs. And, the person chooses to keep this conversation from their spouse. So, they do not share this with their partner at home, but instead confide in the other person regularly.
To begin, click the button below to begin working with a relationship therapist in Mystic, Connecticut can help you and your spouse rebuild trust and recover after infidelity and betrayal.
Really, a person on the verge of an affair begins to feel criticism and invest less and less in the relationship at home.
And, the loneliness a person feels that causes them to reach out to someone at work increases more despite the new friendship. Now, the loneliness increasing still is because the person is not connecting with their spouse who are living with. Over time, an affair begins because there is less interest in the primary romantic relationship. And, the person confides in their other work friend rather than their romantic partner. On top of a newfound friendship, there is an increase in negative talk about the romantic partner at home.
How do affairs and infidelities progress?
As well, a person having an affair begins to only see what is wrong with their partner at home. As a person grows more lonely and unhappy in their relationship, they feel all problems are their partner’s fault. Consistently, this mindset shift is simular with alcoholism, addiction and substance use disorders. With denial, someone blames everyone else rather than seeing their part or taking ownership.
Often, a person having an affair in secret feels defensive and frequently criticizes their partner.
So, at Wisdom Within Counseling, healing and repairing from infidelity means learning how to take ownership. In a play and creative way, your affair and infidelity therapist in Mystic, Connecticut can support a confident, strong, meaningful marriage.
When does a infidelity or an affair start? Next, a person may say, “My partner is so mean. I would be better off with someone else.”
Essentially, the whole relationship mindset changes. Often, when an affair, betrayal, and mistrust occurs, the person loses touch with the romance. Furthermore, everything gets colored by the loneliness, distance, and negativity. Plus, at this stage, resentment builds. This is when you see your spouse as selfish. And, sex reduces, if it has not already. Due to the criticism and negativity, sex reduces entirely and it feels superficial. When one person is having an affair, with the partner at home, there is no meaning behind the sex. Often and in time, one person pulls away and refuses sex, due to lack of feeling support emotionally. As well, pornography use may increase during this stage of an affair. Sometimes, a person having an affair will also develop a pornography addiction.
To begin, click the button below to begin working with a relationship therapist in Mystic, Connecticut can help you and your spouse truly bond, heal and recover after infidelity.
What is a healthy romantic relationship all about?
In a healthy and loyal relationship, partners will communicate. And, to the couple, it feels like the relationship is loving and trusting. In a visualization, the healthy relationship has a strong boundary around it. As couples therapists, we call this a “couple bubble.” So, a “couple bubble” is a boundary or fence that creates unity as a pair. On the other hand, in an affair situation or when there is infidelity, the boundary is a weak “couple bubble.” Sometimes, there is no “couple bubble,” at all. So, this fence then lands between the partners verses around them.
Then, partners grow apart due to not having a “couple bubble.”
In a healthy marriage, couples feel commitment and trust and continually work on them. But, in an unhealthy marriage, during an affair, couples “turn away.” One person shuts the other person out. And, this is a repeating pattern. Lastly, working with a affair and infidelity therapist in Mystic, Connecticut can help you and your spouse heal and recover after infidelity.
How does Wisdom Within Counseling help couples heal after betrayal, infidelity, and affairs?
After an affair, when a partner has been betrayed, that person develops post traumatic stress disorder. Now, PTSD has a variety of symptoms. For instance, intrusive thoughts and images may include imaging their partner having sex with someone else. And, that creates challenging, intense emotions that are high and low. Often, these result in nightmares, are hyper vigilant, and are constantly looking for more signs of betrayal. Sometimes, a partner who feels betrayal develops PTSD and may even feel suicidal. Furthermore, feelings of paranoia and suspicion can add to problems with sleeping and insomnia.
In couples therapy after an affair or infidelity, the team at Wisdom Within Counseling support PTSD in the betrayed partner.
As well, our team of therapists offer individual therapy and couples therapy. And, marriage therapy can provide a safe place to to rebuild a new marriage entirely. After a person has an affair, the first relationship is gone. However, the marriage can be rebuilt with newfound commitment and trust. So, with professional marital therapy, partners healing can safely and calmly talk. So, working with a relationship therapist in Mystic, Connecticut can provide trauma coping tools in counseling.
Often, PTSD from affairs can create intense family problems when it is not addressed.
Often, for the person who was having affair, they will need to share more that before. In the past, the person keeping the secrets was withholding information. So, to move forward, they will need to fully share and practice being open.
What does transparency, trust, and closeness look like when rebuilding your marriage?
Often, transparent may look like sharing texts with others, voicemails, and sharing emails openly. Also, you receive guidance about navigating these repair steps when working with an affair and infidelity therapist in Mystic, Connecticut. It is normal for couples to feel awkward, anxiety, frustrated, or angry. Sometimes, people feel a range of intense emotions from joy and gratitude to fearful and tense. And, some people even have trouble eating and digesting in this time of rebuilding trust.
Working with an affair and infidelity therapist in Mystic, Connecticut supports rebuilding your marriage and an even healthier, more meaningful bond.
Essentially, any secretive or hiding behavior creates a crack. Therefore, in marriage counseling, you can learn to recognize PTSD responses. The team at Wisdom Within Counseling are a group of family, affair and infidelity therapists in Mystic, Connecticut. Lastly, video, phone, and in person counseling are available. However, when possible our team of therapists recommend in person counseling.
Your affair and infidelity therapist in Mystic, Connecticut can help you change the way you talk about conflict.
Essentially, many couples who have affairs, get stuck in conflict avoidance patterns. Frequently, one person may dodge bids for affection. Or, one person may be wanting sex and the other person does not want sex. To note, affairs, betrayals, and infidelity can occur equally with LGBTQIA+ couples, same sex couples, poly, and monogamous couples. Lastly, we are LGBTQIA+ affirming marriage counselors.
Often, couples who experience affairs are missing important conflict resolution skills.
And, as couples therapists, we find some people don’t know how to be truthful with themselves. So, part of healing after betrayal and infidelity is learn truthfulness. in time, your couples therapist can teach you how to calmly address problems you used to sweep under the rug. So, in repairing after an affair or infidelity, you can create a healthier, more close relationship.
Why and how do affairs, infidelity, and betrayals begin?
Now, there are many reasons as to why affairs and infidelity begins. Often, it is a mixture of one person closing up and pulling away. And, this occurs for a period of time, say three to twelve months. Maybe, that occurs due to complex trauma or sexual abuse in childhood. Affairs, infidelity, and betrayals are usually a mixture of loneliness, unhappiness, complex rejections, and unmet needs.
Furthermore, affairs, infidelity, and betrayals are complex problems that not just any marriage counselor understands.
But, at Wisdom Within Counseling, the team have Gottman level two marriage counseling certifications on top of their license. The team specializes with couples who feel mad, angry, betrayal, upset, afraid, flooded, triggered, and have histories of complex trauma. To add, our team of therapists support healthy coping tools and relationship skills through holistic outlets. So, creative expressive arts help couples process and release anxiety, fear, feelings of being a failure, and betrayal. So, Wisdom Within Counseling offers drama therapy, art therapies, yoga therapies, music therapies, and walking therapies.
Working with a holistic relationship therapist in Mystic, Connecticut can help if you have painful memories from your spouse’s affair.
Essentially, after an affair is discovered, when someone is late, that may be a trigger for PTSD. And, managing emotions becomes difficult with PTSD. So, flooding is a process when someone feels a trigger and they lose control. Sometimes, this looks like anger, yelling, and a mixture of fear. Couples also need help learning how to help co-regulate and calm down. Your Wisdom Within Counseling marriage therapist can support positive coping skills for reducing PTSD and trauma responses. Sometimes, couples need help developing support, concern, and safely share differences in ideas. Therapy can be that safe place you are missing right now.
Holistic counseling options when working with a relationship therapist in Mystic, Connecticut
Manytimes, distant couples need help reestablishing connection. At first, this might be through art, painting, acrylic paintings, and clay in marriage therapy. Or, you may want to do couples yoga therapy. Your relationship therapist in Mystic, Connecticut can teach breathing techniques and relaxing yoga poses. As well, your therapist can use nature, walking therapies, and fresh air to support relaxation in session. Then, after building trust again, at home, sexual pleasure can grow in time.
How does addiction, alcoholism, and substance abuse place a role in affairs, infidelity, and betrayals?
In addition, couples with a history of affairs may also have addiction issues and alcoholism. For example, addiction and alcoholism can include video game addiction or being a sexoholic. Sometimes, binge drinking behaviors occur. As well, Wisdom Within Counseling works with couples who identify as adult children of alcoholics. Plues, pornography, prostitutes, sex addiction may go along with an affair. So, working with an affair and infidelity therapist in Mystic, Connecticut can address these issues.
In working with an affair and infidelity therapist in Mystic, Connecticut, you and your partner can build coping tools through art, yoga, music, and nature therapies.
In a unique way, holistic therapies and creative options provide distant couples a highway for rebuilding trust and playfulness. Over time, creative therapies that offer holistic coping skills, intense emotions can have a place to go. Discovering your spouse is having an affair and feeling betrayal brings up so many emotions. With marriage counseling at Wisdom Within Counseling, you can learn about PTSD and trauma experiences.
Meeting with an affair and infidelity therapist in Mystic, Connecticut can repair the horrific hurt and rebuild the meaning of commitment.
Sometimes, anguish, betrayal, sadness, loss, grief, anger, anxiety, fear, and more need more than just talking. Emotional release can come from holistic, expressive arts in counseling for you. So, art therapies, yoga therapies, music therapies, and outdoor walking therapies in nature promote an emotional release. Plus, yoga therapies, meditation, and mindfulness can offer more trust building in addition to talking. Meeting with an affair and infidelity therapist in Mystic, Connecticut at Wisdom Within Counseling will give you an opportunity to mix holistic and traditional approaches.
Video counseling is an easy way to receive support if you live far from our Connecticut office.
Wisdom Within Counseling serves a variety of towns including, Preston, Stonington, Darien, Weston, Ridgefield, New Canaan, and Greenwich. Additionally, we offer video counseling and teletherapy to Fenwick, Roxbury, Old Saybrook, Brookfield, Wilton, Westport, Avon, Redding, Essex, Easton, and Bridgewater. We also support clients in Bethany, Orange, Old Lyme, Kent, Cornwall, Woodbridge, Warren, Sherman, Newtown, and Washington. In addition, we help clients in Fairfield, Tolland, Litchfield, and Middlesex counties. Also, book a phone consult using the button below and talk on the phone to learn more. Video counseling makes working with an affair specialist possible and accessible.
