Has there been a challenging, high conflict family divorce in your childhood? Did you experience loss of a parent or sibling? As a child, did you move multiple times? Did you have a neglectful parent, an alcoholic parent, or identify as an adult child of alcoholics (ACOA’s)? There are many great reasons to start in premarital counseling in New London, Connecticut. In here, we will discuss three major reasons why many couples want to build a foundation of emotional connection before getting married. Sometimes, couples have struggles from their childhood. Holistic pre marriage counseling in New London, Ct provides a foundation for a nurturing, loving marriage.
Treating complex post traumatic stress disorder in pre marriage counseling in New London, Ct
Maybe, you or your spouse went through a traumatic experience in childhood. Perhaps, one of you experienced sexual abuse, sexual assault, or rape. As well, losing a sibling or having a parent pass away is a major trauma. In addition, experiencing a high conflict family divorce can leave a lasting emotional impact. As well, if your childhood had a lot of moves and instability, this is important to talk about creating stability before marriage.
In premarital counseling in New London, CT, you can talk about what you want your marriage to look like and what you want to avoid.
Many times, a person will take behaviors that they saw growing up into their marriage, which leads to dysfunction. Sometimes, people unintentionally react out of anger or by yelling because they don’t have any other emotional coping tools. Therefore, premarital counseling in New London, CT helps you have a good foundation for a long lasting, loving marriage. As well, having a parent who was an alcoholic or identifying as an adult child of alcoholics play some major role in your ability to trust.
Essentially, if you have any anxieties or insecurities about your relationship, going to counseling and help you talk about them and where they come from.
At times, insecurities and trust issues can come from your relationship presently. Other times, trust issues and fears of abandonment come from childhood experiences of abandonment. Perhaps, a parent left suddenly and you never said goodbye. Maybe, you just have a super high level of anxiety and fear around making decisions. Overall, your therapist can identify if you have a complex post traumatic stress disorder.
In premarital counseling in New London, Connecticut, your therapist can teach both you and your fiancé how to nurture and comfort one another.
At times, it can be hard to put intense feelings like anger, jealousy, and loss aside to be a nurturing partner. So, your couples therapist can help you understand what limitations are in the way to offer nurturing and affection. As well, your premarital counselor in New London, Ct can help you speak up and learn to have a voice within the relationship.
Many times, due to watching your own parents fight, you might believe the only way to speak up is by yelling or by shutting down and not talking.
On that note, yelling and shutting down emotionally are dysfunctional communication patterns. Therefore, if you felt unheard in your childhood, you might be making your spouse feel unheard without realizing it.
Simply put, going to premarital counseling in New London, Connecticut helps you both learn to love each other more effectively, and give and receive love in healthy ways.
Maybe, in a past relationship with one of your exes, they cheated on you. Being cheated on and leave a feeling of miss trust for all relationships in the future. Therefore, you might want to have a few individual sessions to process these feelings of mistrust and see how they play a role within your current romantic relationship on the road to marriage.
Working on these emotions and unresolved childhood traumas before getting married creates a strong foundation for a healthy, loving marriage.
Understanding gender, sexuality, and LGBTQIA+ in pre marriage counseling in New London, Ct
Do you or your spouse identify as non binary or have gender questioning feelings? Are you or your spouse bisexual or questioning your sexuality? Is there talk of opening your relationship or an alternative relationship? In premarital counseling sessions, you can talk about questioning your gender or sexuality. Frequently, there are not many couples therapist to understand gender and sexuality.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, our team specializes in gender, sexuality, sex positive therapy, LGBTQIA+, queer, and alternative relationships.
Often times, couples will come for premarital counseling when one person comes out as bisexual, pansexual, or is questioning their sexual orientation. At times, when one partner questions or sexual orientation, feelings of rejection and fear can arise within the relationship. Essentially, the boundaries of security feel different. Therefore, you can better understand your own gender and sexuality as well as your partner’s in pre marital counseling in New London, Ct.
As well, you and your partner can discuss and process gender expression and gender questioning feelings.
Perhaps, you are in a same-sex relationship. And, you both want to wear tuxedos on your wedding day. As well, you might be facing frustrations from your parents about this decision regarding your gender expression and what you want to wear.
If right now, these conversations feel concerning or scary, pre marital counseling in New London, Ct can help you feel confident bridging these conversations.
As well, if your spouse or you identify as non-binary or gender questioning, our team of therapists specialize in this area. Maybe, you or your spouse was thinking about sexuality alone to themselves for years or months. Perhaps, you or your spouse is transgender or identifies as gender nonconforming. Talking about these things together may be hard.
You might have fears about talking about sharing gender questioning feelings with extended family and in-laws.
As well, in pre marital counseling in New London, Ct, you can talk about what it means to be parents one day and evolving your same-sex relationship. In addition, you may have family rejection around being in a same sex relationship. Or, family oppression may be present for you both as a couple. Pre-marital therapy helps truly strengthen your romantic relationship. To add, going to premarital counseling can help you talk about your gender and sexuality in a confident way.
Maybe, your partner has come out that they are bisexual or pansexual and they want an open relationship.
If you started dating under the premise of a monogamous relationship, opening your relationship can feel scary. And, an open relationship may not even be something you don’t want to do. One of our specialties is working with couples who want to open their relationship. Also, we work with couples in polyamorous, alternative, and open relationships. However, these boundaries need to be consensual upfront. Therefore, you and your spouse have a safe place to talk about LGBTQIA+ and relationship security.
Maybe, one of your siblings or your parents has come out as transgender or bisexual. Do you want a safe place to process what this means to you as a couple?
To add, having a transgender sibling could mean that your whole family system changes. Maybe, your parents are rejecting to your sibling due to being transgender. And, this impacts your upcoming joyful marriage celebration and party. Maybe, your transgender sibling has come out to you, but not to your parents. But, your parents are walking you down the aisle. Maybe, you feel worried that your wedding will be the first time your transgender sibling is out in public. Perhaps, you have fears that certain relatives won’t come if you’re a transgender sibling attends your wedding. But, you want your sibling to be there and you are transgender affirming.
Essentially, pre marital counseling in New London, Ct is a great place to talk about LGBTQIA+ exploration.
How can pre marriage counseling in New London, Ct support us after an cheating, affair or betrayal?
As well, premarital counseling in New London, Connecticut is a great place to safely talk about affairs, betrayal, or emotional cheating. Often times, couples have different meanings around what cheating is. Maybe, one of you saw cheating as a normal behavior in your parents growing up. At Wisdom Within Counseling, we specialize in infidelity therapy. Our team of therapists help couples who want to stay together rebuild trust.
Repairing after infidelity in pre marital counseling in New London, Ct
Frequently, cheating, lying, and affair behavior is a result of childhood trauma of some sense. Therefore, if you or your spouse has a history of cheating within the relationship, it is important to go into your marriage with no secrets. Even though it might be painful to talk about, talking about it together provides closeness. Essentially, keeping secrets as a form of dysfunction and perpetuates guilt and shame.
Why are secrets in a marriage very negative?
Sometimes, people learn to keep secrets from childhood patterns. Maybe, an abuser or a parent told you that you had to keep a secret. Sometimes, survivors of sexual abuse were told to keep the abuse a secret. So, in therapy, a person can learn to communicate in direct, clear ways verses lying. And, in your marriage, keeping secrets will only lead to disconnection. Therefore, premarital counseling offers support emotionally and physically. You and your partner can gain self-awareness and understanding.
So, cheating or an affair, you and your spouse can understand what has caused this behavior.
And, you can identify skills your relationship needs in order to repair. Overall, your pre marital therapist can teach you how to implement communication skills in couples therapy. Often, couples post affair can learn communication skills to prevent affairs in the future. After an affair, there is an opportunity for a couple to rebuild trust with the help in guidance of a professional marriage counselor.
