Remember the most recent silly fight with your partner? But, it blew up so quickly you couldn’t get a hold of yourself. Yes, it was really bad. Sadly, the guilt and anger stayed. As a therapist, I totally understand. Many people find it sad and stressful to continue this negative pattern of fighting and seek couples counseling in Niantic. And, I enjoy working with couples and teaching you and your partner how to connect more deeply. Frustrated, resentful, distant couples are drastically helped through skills, education, role play, yoga therapy, and art. Therefore, Wisdom Within Counseling offers couples therapy in Niantic that is gentle, explorative, and nurturing for you and your partner(s).
Marriage therapy, break ups, and divorces
Dr. John Gottman, is an author of one of my favorite books relating to infidelity therapy, “What Makes Love Last.” He has spent 40 years researching arguments, connectedness among couples, looked at heart rate variability, and blood pressure. He’s researched all kinds of couples including bi-racial couples and same race couples. And, he looked that married, unmarried but committed, same-sex, LGBTQ couples, and every form of committed partners. There are four horsemen of the apocalypse, which are negative fight tactics, that damage your relationship with your partner rather than heal. Read more about staying calm in a fight and East Lyme couples therapy in this article. The article also details the four areas to avoid.
So what are the four areas? Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling
Rigidity and Criticism in a Relationship
Criticism is when a partner says, “You’re not good enough.” It is not outspoken, but rather is shown through type A traits, perfectionism, and rigidity. It hurts. It i okay to cry. Moreover, couples therapy in Niantic is supportive, includes art therapy, is integrative, and nurturing. Perhaps, one person becomes defensive and sharp. Notice when you do it too! In some cases, this trait is become you partner is highly sensitive or perhaps even on the autism spectrum. Read more about services for people who are highly sensitive, here. I specialize in co-occuring couples therapy. This is when couples counseling is needed along with therapy for a highly sensitive person within the couple.
Tip: In your marriage counseling sessions at Wisdom Within Counseling in Niantic, just one basic principle is about speaking. Don’t start your sentences to your partner with : “Why.” Because, it comes off as attacking and critical. And, it can create a fight. Since this usually leads to defensiveness, be assertive. Instead use an “I feel,” “I heard,” or “I saw.” On the other hand, these are open and welcome conversation between you and your partner. In couples therapy, we walk through each of these steps by role playing. And, marriage therapy give you positive coping skills to handle all of your difficult feelings. Moreover, marriage counseling in East Lyme is holistic and integrative. Likewise, you build healthy coping skills to be more self-aware, confident, secure within yourself, and calm.
Relationship Mistrust: Defensiveness In Arguments
If your partner yells or gets defensive, your marriage and security may feel threatened. Couples who fight angrily come to Wisdom Within Counseling to gain support, health, and education. Some marriage therapy and couples counseling sessions in East Lyme include holistic therapies such as art, yoga, music, and walking. Wisdom Within Counseling is known for their yoga therapy, creative therapy, and movement therapy expertise. For instance, read more about walk and talk therapy in Niantic, here. So, until we meet in marriage therapy for you and your partner, here is one tip to help you stay grounded!
Tip: Instead of defending yourself, see the big picture and reflect. Reassure your partner and be nurturing rather than defensive. Think about your wise owl mind. Imagine you are an owl, not in your marriage, not in your house, just an owl on a branch in a tree looking out and down. And, as this owl, you have your wise owl mind, because you have perspective and can see the big picture. There is this meditative state of being the neutral observer.
Gottman’s Concept of Contempt
Furthermore, marriage counseling in Niantic is a long-term, healing, positive process. To start, divorce was predicted when contempt was present in a marriage. And, contempt immediately pushed partners apart causing mistrust and betrayal. Again, a partner feels like they will never be good enough. So, marriage counseling at Wisdom Within Counseling in Niantic can be a fun, experiential way to help you and your partner work together better and help you feel heard. At the point when a person searches in Google, “help for couples,” or “marriage counseling,” they have already felt contempt, mistrust, and experienced severe criticism.
Tip: Katie Ziskind LMFT, RYT500, was asked for a book she recommends to couples in therapy and it was published. Best Books To Improve Your Relationship – Sept 28, 2018. Instead of fighting, do a partner’s yoga pose! Read books and listen to podcasts on couples and marriages.
Negative Marriage Interaction: Shutting Down Like A Wall
In couples, you and your partner both experience the present experience in a different way based on your memories, trauma, and your past. Your partner has no idea of your feelings and current emotions unless you share them respectfully. And, people can only understand your feelings when you say them in a clam and neutral manor. At Wisdom Within Counseling, couples counseling in Niantic is educational so you can talk together, compassionate to understand each other’s past, and personalized for your individual and relationship needs. So, you can’t be in the midst of the emotion when you talk, but rather in a more reflective, calmer, self-aware state.
Integrative, Holistic, Trauma-Focused Couples Therapy
In perspective, couples therapy is about your partnership as well as both of you individually using creative art, yoga, music, and outdoor therapies. Read more about yoga therapy for trauma, here. Lastly, in DBT therapy for teens at Wisdom Within Counseling in Niantic, the wise owl mind is the term used for reflecting. Read about how DBT helps teens stop self-harming, here.
How Wisdom Within Counseling in Niantic Can Help You
