The coronavirus has impacted couples staying together. Everything is being put to the test in the time of COVID-19, including love.
Every couple has conflicts, but new and prolonged stresses caused by the coronavirus can cause them to fight more. Or, just as problematic, go to the other extreme: bottle their feelings and not fight at all.
You’ll be happy to know there are many positive steps you can take on your own or with additional support to keep your relationship healthy during the pandemic.
And while it may sound incredulous, your relationship can end up being even stronger. I have a personal example for you:
My husband and I are working from home and have greatly curtailed going out. That means less driving and more free time. I took advantage of both and looked into car insurance on a car I rarely drive. We switched our car and home insurance to a new company and we’re saving over $700 a year.
This brought us a sense of accomplishment, something to celebrate in this dark time. We have shared pride in finally taking care of something long on our to-do list. It greatly helped lessen our conflicts over stress about one of the most frequent topics couples fight about- money.
Coronavirus Complications for Couples
Even the strongest of couples who felt they had a solid foundation of lifelong trust and security have been shaken by the coronavirus.
Here are the top five topics couples fight about, and how the coronavirus has impacted them.
Free time helps couples that the coronavirus impacted in staying together
Free time: Hobbies provide an outlet for work and family stress. Maybe you haven’t been able to pursue your hobby. This may be due to lack of financial resources or inability to socially interact. Your mental health and relationship can suffer because of depression, anxiety, and lack of purpose.
The coronavirus impacted couples staying together when it comes to family finances and money
Money
Nearly 18 million people became unemployed because of the pandemic, and that’s just through June 2020, according to The Commonwealth Fund. 8 million of those workers lost employer health coverage. Nearly 7 million of workers have dependents under that coverage.
So relationships are being hit with a triple whammy. Job loss, health insurance loss, and the shock of job loss for people who assumed their jobs were secure.
Increased stress can also aggravate habits such as smoking or substance abuse, including drinking more alcohol. More money spent on these unnecessary items can certainly put partners at odds.
Housework
Chores and childcare have increased by being together at home more. If chores are weighted more heavily on one partner, the unequal division of household labor can create stress and conflict.
Physical Intimacy
Cabin fever can put a real damper on feeling frisky. Being stuck at home together round-the-clock, especially if it’s cramped quarters, and especially if you’re also talking home-schooling kids, breeds monotony, lethargy, frustration — in short, an environment devoid of aphrodisiacs.
As you can see, coronavirus has impacted couples staying together. There’s also concern if your partner works in a high-risk field such as healthcare, or has contact with the general public. Some healthcare workers have quarantined themselves from their families, which eliminates any possibility of physical intimacy.
Extended Family
”Domestic confinement” can bring conflict by the guilt felt over not being able to or deciding not to visit relatives who aren’t in your social bubble. And, especially if those relatives are upset that, for example, you’re not “coming home” for Christmas or Hanukkah.
There’s also the added psychological pain and shock from not being able to be with loved ones. These loved ones may have health issues or saying your last goodbyes to them in person before they pass away. COVID-19 has also stunted our grieving process, keeping people from paying respect to the dead and gathering with their relatives at mourning rituals to support each other.
Healthy Habits During Coronavirus to help Couples Stay Together
Here are restorative ways to wait out the pandemic together without driving each other crazy.
Start with Self-Care
You’ve heard the phrase, “If you don’t love yourself, how can you love somebody else?”
Loving yourself means taking care of yourself. If you get a good night’s sleep, eat right, exercise, and take a break doing something you enjoy, you’ll be coming from a much better position to cope with the extra challenges to a relationship during this time.
Also, if you establish a routine to take care of yourself, it will provide an additional sense of comfort. An anchor to rely upon in this ever-changing storm of the ongoing pandemic.
Create a Couple Bubble
You’ve probably heard of a COVID bubble. Now it’s time for a couple bubble.
Create a healthy boundary around you and your partner. Plan and follow through on couple bubble dates. No talking about children, chores, finances, relatives, or work. Make an effort to prioritize your relationship and make your partner feel important.
Go for a run or a bike ride together, take a drive, dig in the garden, even just go for a walk. You could also water-paint, read to each other, or swap stories about your early days together.
My husband and I have at least two couple bubble dates a week. We’ll shut down our work stations, turn off our cellphones, pour some wine or a craft beer, turn on our electric candles. And, watch a livestream concert or just listen to music and chat about fun things we want to do together in the future.
Enhancing your connection this way can help pave the way to intimacy. You’ll be giving each other the time and the right frame of mind to discuss what you’re both comfortable with.
Take Care of Business
For couples working from home, set boundaries on work limits. If you have a partner who has invested a lot of their personal identity in their profession, they may be tempted to lose themselves in their work and become burned out and stressed. Create structure and routines to better manage time and ease anxiety.
Also use this time to decide how to tackle your to-do list. For what you can do either free or can afford, you’ll stay active and occupied and get a boost from your accomplishments. For what you can’t afford now, you can at least plan and research so you’re ready when you do have funds.
Take Care of the Kids
Couples are happier with a more equitable division of labor, so work together to plan your kids’ days in advance when possible, and ensure each partner takes an equitable amount of time to keep children occupied and content.
Expand Your Support Network
Your partner cannot provide you with all of your needs. That’s unrealistic and too much pressure. So you each need to stay connected with family and friends, either just talking on the phone or using face-to-face technology on your laptop or tablet.
Ask for Help
Lots of couples have used these tips to work out relationship conflicts in the past.
But coronavirus stress is a new animal for all of us, and your usual tactics may not be working as well. Don’t despair. Everyone needs help at some point in their lives, so don’t be afraid to take an extra step to build healthy communication during COVID-19 to get your relationship back on track.
Counseling in Southeastern Connecticut is available from Wisdom Within Counseling, which also offers marriage counseling in Mystic, Connecticut, as well as the very timely specialty of anxiety counseling In East Lyme, Ct.
Their holistic approach will show you the best ways to emotionally nurture and comfort each other, as your therapist focuses on each partner’s life experience and delves into their underlying behavior and emotional needs.
You’ll also have the opportunity to learn new techniques to help you accomplish this, as holistic counseling utilizes art, music, yoga, nature, and even walks or bike rides outside by the Niantic Bay. These methods help move stuck energy from past conflicts into a positive direction.
With the long and seemingly endless challenges that the coronavirus has thrown your way, once you take all of these skills to heart, your relationship will be so much deeper, richer, and stronger that you and your partner can overcome anything!
Karen Condor studied communications and has successfully participated in marriage counseling and anxiety counseling. She writes and researches for the car insurance comparison site, CarInsuranceCompanies.net.
About Wisdom Within Counseling
Wisdom Within Counseling features various bloggers on our site to promote LGBTQIA+ inclusivity, awareness of unique authors, and to give authors an opportunity to write about vulnerable and important marriage and family issues, holistic living, and mental health topics. To get started at Wisdom Within Counseling, call 860-451-9364.
