Looking for a holistic couples and marriage therapist in Niantic, Connecticut?
We all get into fights with our partners, spouses, children, and even parents, no matter how old we are. On one hand, conflict can be productive. Yes, it is a way to gain respect, share values and opinions, gain deeper love, and grow from mistakes in the past. Often, when distressed couples seek counseling, the painful jabs have gone too far. As a couples and marriage therapist in Niantic, Connecticut, I often work with couples on the brink of divorce. Also, if you have been in counseling for years without progress, I recommend trying Wisdom Within Counseling. We are out-of-the-box, alternative, and holistic in our approach. So, you and your partner can do partner yoga, art, painting, and walk in nature to regain positive coping skills in couples and marriage therapy in Niantic, Connecticut.
So, watch out for these conflict tactics that hurt your partner rather than repair.
Words can hurt, like salt in a wound, even more so than physical pain.
After a fight with your partner, are you extra tired, sluggish, cry easily, or feel like you are on edge?
Now, you could be highly sensitive or highly empathetic. But, when your partner isn’t there for you emotionally, you end up shutting down. And, this is because you may feel so deeply wounded. I know that you desire and long for connection again with your partner. So, I can teach you how to get it and how to tell your partner that you have desires. When you start to feel a fight coming on, listen for, “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” as Gottman, a specialist in couples therapy, notes. Overall, as a couples and marriage therapist in Niantic, Connecticut, I can help you and your partner get clear on relationship goals. For couples and marriage therapy in Niantic, Connecticut, call/text 860-451-9364.
Do you show or experience criticism? If so, I would recommend that you see regular sessions with a couples and marriage therapist in Niantic, Connecticut
When you fight, do you attack your partner using something personal or embarrassing back at them? Attacking their character is very wounding, especially when you have children who are listening to your heated disagreements. Your partner may then try to use the children you both have as protectors. It can get messy! For instance, criticism may sound like, “Why can’t you ever clean this place?” A comment like that ignores all positive actions your partner has taken in the relationship and is damaging.
Do you experience defensiveness, where you feel an attack? Well, as a holistic couples and marriage therapist in Niantic, Connecticut, I would recommend getting professional help sooner than later.
When you get into a conflict with your partner or spouse, do you tell your partner it is their fault? When you push all the blame to the other person and get defensive, it shifts the focus away from the actual problem, which is causing the conflict. Instead, being defensive leads your partner to feel inherently flawed, unworthy, and unlovable, in some cases. This may sounds like, “You’re the one with the problem!”
Contempt: Do you have a tendency to use sarcasm? Coming from a therapist, it is a general rule, sarcasm is mean. Bullies use sarcasm because they have low self-esteem. When you blatantly disrespect your partner with eye-rolling, audible sighs, mocking in a different tone of voice, and sarcasm, it makes your partner feel lesser than you. This is the single greatest precursor to separation, a break-up, and divorce. Inferiority is the opposite of what it takes to create a healthy couple, unity and a team effort. For instance, a phrase of contempt is often paired with a look of utter disgust, “You are totally irresponsible, gross, and stupid.”
Is stonewalling present?
Now, this is where on person becomes a stone. There is trauma here, and a trauma cycle. Meaning you need a couples therapist and trauma specialist, like Katie Ziskind. Not fighting is just as bad as high conflict fighting. Seek a holistic couples and marriage therapist in Niantic, Connecticut
When you partner is talking, are you a, “stonewaller?” Do you build and imaginary wall, stop talking, refuse to respond, and disassociate? Avoiding conflict and acting busy on the computer or with work has a negative impact on your partnership. Just as it sounds, this is when someone becomes a stone. Examples include, “Stop! Leave me alone! Shut up! I’m done discussing this!” This is a power move and is in no way helpful for the livelihood and loving partnership you desire.
Do any of these apply to you? If so, my recommendation as a couples and marriage therapist in Niantic, Connecticut, is to get help and call us today.
No worries! You’re not alone because these are all really common in fights that escalade- And great reasons to seek therapy.
Read more about my services to learn healthy conflict resolution skills, resolve marriage conflict while raising children, and restore the love you deeply desire here!
Written By
Written by Katie Ziskind, LMFT, RYT500. At Wisdom Within Counseling, in Niantic, CT I help challenged children, teens, couples, and adults develop emotional expression skills and heal from trauma. My mission is to help boost self-confidence for life-long wellness. I integrate holistic, experiential therapies integrating art, yoga, music, and animal therapy groups. So, you can build positive skills and live a life you LOVE!
