When it comes to strategies for dealing with an angry partner, these tips and techniques are useful. Many times, anger can feel scary and emotionally painful. Also, anger can really impact a romantic relationship in a negative way. If your flights are feeling like a military battle, your holistic couple therapists can help you share different beliefs, emotional needs, and talk about problems without anger. Working with a holistic marriage therapist can help you and your spouse gain anger coping strategies.
Where does anger come from? Why work with a holistic marriage therapist for anger management issues?
A lot of times, there are intense emotions underneath anger. And, anger is really just a protective mechanism. In a moment, a person starts to feel unsafe or hurt, and feels anger. Aggression is also more common when anger is more intense. If your partner is angry, you might feel unheard, more sensitive, tearful, and have anxiety. As well, you partner may be feeling these exact same emotions under their anger. Also, working with a creative, holistic marriage therapist supports healthy coping outlets. For instance, with a holistic couples therapist, you gain positive skills each session. Often times, fighting couples escalate and just keep getting more angry rather than addressing the feelings underneath the anger. Lastly, a holistic marriage therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling supports you in building a loving, meaningful marriage.
To start, book a phone consult using the button below to overcome anger and work with a holistic marriage therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling.
If you are dealing with an angry partner, you may seek holistic marriage counseling to feel closer and more loved
As well, anger is a form of self protection which comes out when feeling overwhelmed. From holistic marriage counseling in Southeastern Connecticut, your spouse can release anger in creative ways. So, from creative, art, yoga, and drama therapies, you can develop positive coping skills to process anger. Many times, couples lack coping strategies to release the anger. And, from counseling, you can know how to react in a calm way when your partner becomes angry. Over time, working with a holistic marriage therapist can help you know how to respond. As well, you can learn to de-escalate the situation and self regulate.
Working with a holistic marriage therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling in Connecticut helps you gain effective, creative, and playful strategies for dealing with an angry spouse or partner.
When anger is present, now is not the time to talk
Essentially, when your partner or spouse is angry, it can be scary and intense. Sometimes, couples freeze up and don’t know what to do. When you spouse is angry or aggressive, do not try to explain, yell back, or protest. It will not help. No that in this moment, anyway. When anger is present, it is not the right time to have this conversation. Many times, your spouse needs to get calmer in order to think clearly to have a calm conversation. Therefore, do not try to have a conversation when your partner is aggressive because they cannot think clearly.
Do not respond to your partners anger with anger yourself.
Many times, partners get stuck trying to one up, win over, or over explain themselves or their partner. And, they become lawyers trying to win against each other. To note, this is counter productive to a successful marriage. When your partner is angry or intense, focus on remaining calm, peaceful, and hold space. Essentially, in this moment, you will need to be the most mature, calm person in the situation. Eventually, your spouse or partner will calm down and feel less angry, and maybe even apologize for things they have said. A few hours or even one day after they have felt angry, you can then talk.
Take time to talk many hours or up to one full day after a fight to reflect and cool off
Later, talk about how you felt, address the aggression, and reflect on how the anger impacted you. And, make sure to talk about your fight only after you feel calm. Talk after you do self-care, yoga, meditate, have a meal, and take a shower. Before you talk, you want to make sure you had decompression time, so you don’t get triggered again. Do not try to talk about the anger in the moment while your partner is demonstrating anger. In couples therapy in Southeastern Connecticut, you can have times that aside each week to process fights. In marriage counseling, you can reflect on intense moments were you or your partner could have managed anger better.
Practice self-care to remain calm and clear your mind
Also, when your partner is angry, practice self-care. In this moment of anger, they will not be able to nurture you, caretake for you, or even hear you. Often times, anger is so intense, that a person can’t take in anything or give love in that moment. Many times, anger is like having blinders on. Anger is all a person can feel or see in that moment. Now, just because someone gets angry, it doesn’t mean they can never give love again.
Also, when your partner is angry, practice self-care. Focus on yourself.
Sometimes, it helps to take space and calm yourself down. Don’t get worked up about your partner’s anger. Understand you need time to rejuvenate your mind too. Also, do not try to ask your partner to do anything for you while they are angry. Instead, focus on taking good care of yourself. Then, just be while waiting for your partner to cool down on their own. Have a snack, take a bath, listen to a fun playlist for anxiety, or call a friend on the phone to distract yourself from the anger at hand. Remember, when you are coping in a positive way, you are not bashing your partner or talking negatively behind their back. You are simply distracting yourself and calming yourself down to be more present for when they are ready to talk.
When your partner is angry, try to understand the emotional pain.
Underneath the feeling of anger or often deeper emotions like jealousy, feeling unimportant, feeling unwanted, feeling disrespected or abused. As well, understanding what might be causing your partner’s intense emotion can be constructive. Maybe, they are mad because they feel betrayed or disrespected. In addition, it’s important to know that boundary violations negatively impact the trust in any relationship. So, if your partner is angry, it might be because they feel a boundary was violated. And, therefore they then feel unimportant or undervalued. Try to understand what is causing your partner to feel so angry. After they have calmed down, talk about how to maintain healthy and respectful boundaries in your relationship. This can help prevent anger in the future.
Now, your partner’s anger is usually from a deeper unhealed childhood trauma.
Focus on self-care and nurturing yourself and understand their childhood trauma. Know that you can’t fix or heal this trauma for your partner. Your partner is healing their inner child and painful memories, so don’t take it personally. But, you can be caring and compassionate.
To start, book a phone consult using the button below to overcome anger and work with a holistic marriage therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling.
Have open conversations about trauma with your marriage therapist
Often times, if you or your spouse is dealing with anger management issues, childhood trauma experiences may be the root. In childhood, you may have felt belittled, abused, neglected, or used in someway. And, these feelings lead to anger and aggression in your adult romantic relationship. Often times, experiences of childhood sexual abuse, childhood trauma, or childhood neglect lead to low self-worth. Any time these feelings arise in a conversation with a romantic partner, a trauma trigger occurs that brings out anger as a protective mechanism.
Anger often tries to protect others from getting closer after trauma.
Talking with you a couple therapist about feelings related to trauma including fear, loss, and grief can be really helpful in releasing and coping with anger. Anger management tools are all about being emotionally vulnerable. So, if you feel anger coming up for you, you can talk to your partner and let them know that you are triggered. Understanding PTSD and trauma in relation to anger management in holistic marriage therapy is very helpful.
Avoid blaming in marriage fights
When your partner or spouse is angry, it can be easy to think that they are the one with the problem. Often times, blaming someone else is the easy way to go. Instead of blaming, focus on talking about what you are feeling such as guilt or shame. Use statements that begin with “I feel, I want, or I need” to remove blame. Take responsibility and ownership for what’s going on for you emotionally and share about that directly. When you share what you are feeling, you can take control over your emotional experience and learn to create positive communication.
Don’t think about winning or losing fights, but thinking about growing together
In fights, it can be very easy to feel like you are on your own team fighting against your partner. Instead of feeling like you have to win or convince your partner to come to your side, focus on the big picture. Really, couples gets stuck in anger because they don’t know how to see eye to eye. Remember, an argument is an opportunity to develop togetherness and transform hostility into connection.
Also, if you and your spouse are both yelling, you are both quickly losing touch with each other.
So, in order to win a battle, focus on both of you reaching for calmness, clarity, fulfillment, love, and compassion. Many times, Couples are fighting about problems that are never going to be solved. For instance, some of these problems might be values around religion, how to handle money, or boundaries with extended family. These are problems that are perpetual and are going to be talked about for the rest of the entire marriage. So, focus on talking in a loving and respectful way rather than with anger or destroying your partner’s self-esteem. If these issues bring up heated emotions, anger, or cause you to feel emotionally reactive, working with a marriage therapist can be beneficial.
Working with a marriage therapist can help you and your partner develop greater well-being and mental clarity.
You can learn to understand what causes frustration in yourself and in your partner based on childhood trauma. As well, you and your spouse can overcome anger by understanding the emotions beneath including jealousy, grief, sadness, and anxiety. Furthermore, you can learn how to practice self-care and take a moment to pause. Right in the heated moment of anger is not the time to discuss or try to converse. from working with a holistic marriage counselor, you can create more peaceful memories and moments with your partner. As well, you can create a positive home environment that feels respectful, loving, nurturing, and positive rather than angry and painful. In addition, marriage counseling and help you develop solid boundaries, so you can both feel safe in the relationship.
From marriage counseling, you can develop mindfulness techniques through drama therapy, yoga therapy, art therapy, and outdoor walk and talk therapy.
You and your partner can learn how to cope in positive and holistic ways with intense emotions using creative, holistic therapies. By using art and painting you can release emotions in ways beyond words. As well, doing yoga, breathing mindfully, meditating with your therapist promotes anger management skills. Outside of sessions, what you learned with your holistic marriage therapist is available as a skill. As well, learning art, painting, and creative expressive arts with your spouse can help promote calmness and inner peace. At Wisdom Within Counseling, the holistic marriage therapists help couples gain skills like emotional validation and thoughtfulness.
What is it like working with a holistic marriage therapist for anger management issues?
At Wisdom Within Counseling, you get a mixture of holistic outlets for building a more positive lifestyle. For instance, you can do yoga with your therapist for self-care. Mind-body, somatic, creative therapies help couples connect in ways they might otherwise not. Many times, couples miss out on true bonding experiences. Doing yoga with your spouse right in your marriage counseling session can help you feel safe together.
As well, yoga therapy for couples supports trauma healing.
And, yoga therapy helps to establish a safe space for couples to bring up intense feelings in healthy ways. Furthermore, through drama therapy, role-play, acting, and improvisation, you can develop laughter and positive energy while trying on different roles. Lastly, you and your partner can work on work collaboratively and playfully to team up against the problem through marriage counseling.
