To start, if you are in a relationship, you may have found your spouse talking to someone outside your relationship. Finding out your spouse is having an affair and is unfaithful is very painful. An affair is a a huge heartbreak and a source of betrayal. When you think about it, you feel angry, sad, confused, surprised, upset, and betrayed. There’s jealousy, and there is severe emotional pain. And, there’s so much you want to talk about around the secret keeping and infidelity. Your intimate relationship feels like you’re on the struggle bus. So, by working with a Gottman marriage therapist in East Lyme, Connecticut, couples can start to repair and rebuild trust.
Affairs and infidelity impact trust
Learning to rebuild trust occurs on that daily basis. However, couples tend to struggle with knowing how to rebuild trust after a severe trauma like an affair. After an affair, it is common for your sex life to change due to lack of trust. Couples therapy can help you gain confidence and emotional security in the bedroom. As well, you are finding conversations about the infidelity and affair end in conflict and yelling. Often, there is tension, anger, blame and criticism about the affair. All of these big emotions can be released in marriage counseling at Wisdom Within. Negative communication skills, secret keeping, and trauma memories are clouding this beautiful love you once had with your partner. At Wisdom Within Counseling, the team of marriage and family therapists support post affair couples. Katie Ziskind specializes in Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut.
To start, book your free phone consult using the button below for affair, infidelity, and betrayal Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme.
Why start in Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut?
Both of you want a little bit of hope and some positive coping skills. Couples therapy helps you gain a healthy toolbox of communication skills. As well, you and your partner can gain healthy techniques to get back on the same page together emotionally. Counseling teaches you ways to resolve conflict and heal after betrayal. At Wisdom Within Counseling, marriage therapy can help you build security and playfulness. So, in this counseling blog, we’re going to be talking about betrayal, affairs, trust. As well, this article is all about how to build emotional intimacy. Now, if there is a lack of trust, this seeps into your sex life and intimacy. Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut can help you heal together after trust has been broken. Oftentimes, trust issues come from a behavior like an affair, going outside the marriage, lying, or sneaking around.
What are examples of affairs, betrayals, and infidelity that damage your romantic relationship?
For one, a betrayal could be connecting with an escort. Even talking to another person in an emotionally intimate way can can a betrayal. Additionally, a betrayal could be talking with someone at work emotionally. When a person starts sharing things that happen within the marriage, with someone outside the marriage, that creates a betrayal. Furthermore, couples who don’t have good boundaries benefit from Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut.
The team at Wisdom Within Counseling in Southeastern Connecticut support couples in open, honest communication.
Trust issues and affairs may develop due to a lack of a couple bubble. Your couple bubble is an invisible boundary around you and your partner. As well, your couple bubble helps you feel close and secure when apart. Lying and secret keeping damages trust and your sex life. So, lying about anything from money to talking to someone else, is damaging. Lying about money and withholding information intentionally is a betrayal. Sometimes, couples withhold sharing important information because they don’t want to hurt their partner. In the end, keeping secrets does far more damage than good.
How does Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut help couples who lie and who have affairs?
Now, we’re not talking about withholding what you ate for lunch. We are talking about withholding things that will hurt. Who do you not want your partner to find out about? Did you talk to an e and not share this? Or, did you talk about how horrible your sex life is with a co-worker? Did you start texting someone more than your significant other? When parts choose not to divulge information that they know would impact the relationship in a negative, this is secret keeping. Katie Ziskind specializes in Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut and helps couples stop keeping secrets. Commonly, there are many root issues underneath the behavior of lying and secret keeping. Couples counseling in Southeastern Connecticut helps you be honest. Now, any kind of lying behaviors means couples lack emotional vulnerability. Emotional vulnerability and honesty go hand in hand after an affair. Gottman marriage therapy also helps couples improve on their lack of communication. Couples who have affairs and keep secrets don’t talk. Therefore, couples counseling helps you understand what went wrong over time. Many couples who keep secrets or have affairs don’t spend time together anymore.
What are reasons to seek Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut. at Wisdom Within?
You might have the roommate syndrome going on, feeling like business partners long before the affair.
Affairs, cheating, betrayal, and hurt emotions are all great reasons to come in for counseling to improve intimacy. On an emotional level, talking with your Gottman therapy can improve the trust you have. Talking about what trust means to each of you improve your trust as a whole, together.
How do couples rebuild trust after an affair or infidelity?
To add, trust has a direct correlation to having a secure, a satisfying marriage. Furthermore, trust is built in small, tiny moments. So, if we look at the big grand scheme of let’s say a 5, 10 or 15 year relationship, trust is built on a daily basis. Couples who cheat, lie, and have affairs no longer have trust. Notably, couples build trust multiple times throughout a day. And, these small little bite size slices of trust, add up to make a giant pie of trust.
What is “turning towards” skill in Gottman marriage therapy?
All of these small little moments of trust mean partners “turn towards” one another. Learning how to “turn towards” one another takes the help of a couples specialist. As Gottman marriage therapists who specialize in affair recovery, we teach couples about, “turning towards.” Emotional like anger, loss, hurt, and betrayal impact a couples ability to “turn towards” one another. “Turning towards,” is an emotional skill many couples don’t have, and therapy can teach. In Gottman couples therapy, you can feel trust and emotional intimacy improve. Learning about the “turning towards” skill, you can heal together post affair. As well, Katie Ziskind is a Gottman level two trained couples therapist in East Lyme, Connecticut. Katie Ziskind and her team of therapists love working with couples post affair and support rebuilding trust.
To start, book your free phone consult using the button below for help healing after an affair, infidelity, and betrayal through marriage therapy.
What are sliding glass door moments in Gottman couples counseling?
Gottman couples therapy teaches couples about “sliding glass door” moments. These are opportunities for connection initiated by one person. For instance, your partner is standing on one side of a glass door and you’re on the other. You can see one another through the clear glass. One of you can slide the door open and the other can keep it open or slide it shut.
How do “sliding glass door” moments work?
If your partner smiles, smiling back keeps the door open. As well, if one of you offers a bid for affection like reaching to hold hands, the other person can accept or reject. When you reject a bid for affection, this slides the glass door shut on your partner. Saying, “How are you doing?” is a bid for affection. If you partner holds your hand back and you reach for theirs, this is a positive “sliding glass door” moment. And, these positive “sliding glass door” moments build trust and security. When two people are open and lovingly receive one another, that is a “sliding glass door” moment.
Many couples do not know how to see when their partner is offering a bid for affection, causing trust problems.
“Sliding glass door” moments are an opportunity for a couple to bond and connect. For example, if your partner looks sad, talking with them and showing curiosity strengthens your bond. Likewise, when you inquire about their sadness or their facial expression, you slide the glass door open. And, sliding that glass door open improves trust and emotional intimacy. However, many couples struggle to recognize when their parter is sliding the door open. In turn, more negative “sliding glass door” moments lead to anger, hurt, rejection, anxiety, and fears.
Can understanding “sliding glass door” moments help when healing from cheating, lying, an affair or betrayal?
If you notice your partner is sad, distressed, or depressed, and you decide to maybe walk by them, your partner may feel ignored. The more negative moments, the more unimportant, unwanted, hurt, and distant intimate partners feel. As well, seeing sadness, and choosing to not engage verbally leads to emotional distance. For some partners, they feel annoyed or unsure what to do, so they assume their partner just going to fix themselves. This is a negative “sliding glass door” moment in Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut.
Your couples counselor can understand why you and your partner are not longer connecting.
Often, couples stop show interest in one another and no longer show curiosity. Healthy couples take an interest in how their partner is doing, especially when sad. Couples who suffer from affairs, cheating, infidelity, or secret keeping need help recognizing “sliding glass door moments.” Too many negative moments have a massive negative impact on your romantic relationship.
What issues create a need for counseling with Katie Ziskind, Gottman marriage therapist in East Lyme, Connecticut?
To add, there are a lot of reasons why people miss these bids for affection. Commonly, partners are not mindful or intentional with their love. Or, one partner might not be able to support their partner if their partner is sad due to their own fears of sadness. Maybe, one partner has a fear of intimacy or a fear of certain emotions. Conflict resolution issues cause problems for couples. Other times, one romantic partner has a fear of getting emotionally close. Additionally, abandonment issues in childhood and attachment anxieties impact your marriage.
To start, book your free phone consult using the button below for Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme for affair, infidelity, and betrayal recovery.
Working with a couple’s therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you and your partner build a healthy relationship.
When it comes to conflict, you can learn to resolve it. And, couples counseling in East Lyme Connecticut can dramatically improve your sex life. Lastly, you can recreate meaningful connection and playfulness. Because physical intimacy comes after emotional security, relationship therapy supports emotional inimtacy. And, building emotional intimacy and then physical intimacy all comes back to trust. So, with couples counseling in Southeastern Connecticut, you can start to become more aware of “sliding glass door” moments. From working with Katie Ziskind at Wisdom Within Counseling, and the relationship therapists, you can grow together again. We are LGBTQIA+, queer, non-binary, transgender educated, affirming, and supportive.
What is emotional vulnerability and emotional intimacy in East Lyme, Connecticut couples counseling?
Now, talking about emotional vulnerability, this is a big concept. And, it’s not something we can hold and it’s not something we can tangibly see. You know, if it is there, you can feel safe and trust though. Therefore, if we want to talk about a carrot, we can pick up a carrot, see the orange color, and taste that carrot. Emotional vulnerability is felt within a positive connection between two passionate lovers. And, learning to connect in an emotionally close way to build trust takes essential skills. As well, emotional vulnerability goes hand in hand with trust, honest communication, and desire. At Wisdom Within Counseling, our team of marriage therapists specialize with couples who want to heal after an affair.
Can anyone learn to be more emotionally vulnerable and emotionally intimate?
Yes, emotional intimacy is a skill, it’s just like learning math or science. Learning emotional intimacy takes self-discipline, organization, and motivation. Likewise, learning emotional vulnerability and empathy skills improve physical intimacy and sex life. Therefore, emotional vulnerability means you know what you’re feeling and then connecting to your partner’s emotions. At Wisdom Within Counseling, you and your spouse can learn to identify different emotions. You can gain self-acceptance and support your partner through emotional acceptance.
How does emotional vulnerability factor into affair, betrayal, and infidelity counseling in East Lyme, Connecticut?
It might be uncomfortable to be emotionally expressive at first. Also, it might not feel the greatest to feel angry, hurt, or heartbroken. However, from checking in with your own emotions, you can communicate them to your spouse. From communicating what you are feeling to your partner, you can side the glass door open. Couples therapy in Southeastern Connecticut can teach you spouse how to listen too. Instead of talking to someone outside your marriage or having an affair, you can express the uncomfortable emotion in a healthy way. By using emotional intimacy skills, you don’t have to make a negative choice or sabotage your marriage.
What are self-sabotaging behaviors that cause emotional damage and a need for Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme?
These numbing behaviors can be damaging to your marriage and partnership. Maybe, your old self looked at porn and you hid this from your romantic partner. One day, you partner finds your pornography use and tells you how hurt they feel. Or, your old self would self-harm, or your old self would go to the bar and drink alcohol. Alcohol and drug use are numbing behaviors. At Wisdom Within Counseling, self-sabotaging behaviors include infidelity, affairs, secret keeping, and lying.
To start, book your free phone consult using the button below for affair, infidelity, and betrayal counseling in East Lyme, Connecticut.
Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut can help you build self-compassion.
We all have sabotaging parts of us that numb out. And, that is a separate part of you and that’s not your true self. Self-sabotaging behaviors can include cheating, working too much, conflict, yelling, and the silent treatment. Affairs and betrayal, these acts of self-sabotage. Instead, marriage counseling helps you make better choices.
For those with a history of cheating, affairs, and infidelity, you can learn to tolerate distressing emotions in healthy ways and improve emotional intimacy.
From affair and betrayal counseling, you can be okay with maybe anger or loss or sadness. Instead of pushing away unpleasant emotions, like anxiety and you can communicate them to your spouse. Instead of making a negative choice, you can use skills from Niantic, Connecticut marriage therapy to make a positive choice. To add, healthy couples talk about the good, bad, loss, and pain together. The team at Wisdom Within Counseling are passionate about supporting couples in building a genuine, meaningful connection after loss and trauma.
Affair and infidelity counseling can help you communicate what you need instead of numbing out.
And, you and your partner can learn to be vulnerable. For instance, you can say, “I’m really feeling overwhelmed about lack of quality tim together.” Or, you may say, “I am sad and need a long hug right now.” Emotional intimacy takes a lot of courage, bravery and confidence. From couples therapy, you can receive the encouragement you deserve and need. Your East Lyme, Connecticut marriage therapist can be that person to help you talk about how you feel. Lastly, you can verbalize and share the fears and worries you have about the future with your partner.
What is one area couples after an affair or infidelity trauma struggle most?
One area where a lot of couples lack skills is being able to hear and validate one another. Your Niantic, Connecticut marriage therapist can help your partner receive you. Emotional validation again supports a healthy sex life, because after every sexual experience, even more intense emotions can surface. So, if you have negative emotions circling in your relationship, they come right into your bedroom. For instance, any blame, shame, guilt, rejection, abandonment, and anger can lead to high conflict arguments. In turn, the intense emotions will only intensify during a sexual experience.
Think of yourself as having many parts within
Learn to share these intense emotions with your romantic partner calmly by doing “parts” work. In Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut, you can talk about all parts of you. Within you, there are many emotions when you think about the affair or cheating. And, learning to give each part of you a voice is healing. Understanding how and why the affair or betrayal took place is part of counseling.
What emotional parts do we have within us?
You can talk about the part of you that feels loss and grief after an affair. As well, you can talk about the part of you who wants to be impulsive and numb out. There may be a jealous part. As well, you can talk about the part of you that feels hurt and wounded. Additionally, there is the part of you that just wants to feel good together and happy. You can give a voice to the part of you that remembers the good times and has a glimmer of hope. As well, marriage counseling can help you invoke the part of you that is playful and creative. Now, healing from the trauma of a betrayal, affair, or infidelity takes the help of a professional Gottman marriage therapist in East Lyme, Connecticut. Healing from trauma is a long-term journey, but you can do so through marriage counseling. At Wisdom Within Counseling, we offer holistic, creative, integrative, mind, body therapies for couples.
Why try holistic, creative, mind-body therapies in couples counseling?
Yes, sitting and talking can be effective, and incorporating things like painting, art, and yoga help couples reconnect beyond words. Often, creative, mind-body therapies like yoga poses and breathing techniques improve stress management. Also, couples therapy can include outdoor walking sessions and nature therapies. As well, creative, holistic, mind-body therapies are available both in session and as homework for couples. Mind-body, holistic therapies support romantic relationships thriving. These holistic, mind-body therapies help fighting, distant, hurt couples get in the present moment. Instead of reliving negative past experiences, couples suffering from an affair and infidelity can start to build new healthier experiences together.
To start, book your free phone consult using the button below for affair, infidelity, and betrayal counseling in East Lyme, Connecticut.
Helpful skills for healing after an affair, infidelity, or cheating through marriage counseling in Southeastern Connecticut
Tune in to your partner’s emotions
Another way to build trust is to tune in to what your partner is feeling. Even if you might not know if they’re sad, you can say, “I wanted to just check in with you. I’m here for you, and I love you and I’m on your team.” Have mini check-ins throughout the day where you can get curious about each other. You can stay connected via phone call, text or video chat. Lastly, share emotions of your day, both good and bad. Be vulnerable with one another.
Be genuine and reassuring
Also, let your partner know that you’re not going to judge them for how they feel. As well, verbalize that you’re not going to react in an angry or upset way for how they feel. Childhood trauma can causes a person to be afraid of what your potential reaction could be if they share their feelings.
Stay calm
Be calm. As well, you want to model calmness at all times for your romantic relationship. Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut teaches couples the skill of emotional regulation. No matter if you’re feeling angry or you didn’t like something that happened, you want to share that with calmness. As well, use a calm tone of voice and have slow rate of speech.
Hold hands rebuild healthy touch
Furthermore, find time to cuddle and bond for a few minutes daily. For some couples, these sensual moments can be holding hands. Remember, after an affair or betrayal, touch can be emotional. If you feel safe, try kissing or making out. As well, try touching one another’s necks, behind the ears, and build time for more intimate touch.
This article was written by Katie Ziskind, licensed marriage and family therapist, and the owner of Wisdom Within Counseling
We have locations in Niantic, Connecticut and in Florida. As well, we help couples in Hebron, Colchester, Franklin, Griswold, Groton, Ledyard, Lisbon, Montville, Mystic, Stonington, and Old Lyme. Video sessions are available for couples living in Newtown Borough, Westport, Simsbury, Middlebury, Waterbury, Darien, Greenwich, Avon, Weston, Wethersfield, Newington, Litchfield, New Canaan, Canton, Farmington, West Hartford, Glastonbury, Fairfield, and Bloomfield, Connecticut. In Flordia, we offer video counseling from the comfort of your home.
Our team of marriage and family therapists would would love to work with you and better your intimate relationship after infidelity.
After an affair or infidelity, couples therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut helps you step away from anger. You can learn to verbalize what you need when you feel anxiety, loss, and sadness. Understandably so, finding out your partner is cheating is a trauma. Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut helps couples suffering from trust issues build healthy coping strategies and positive ways to communicate.
Online and in person in Niantic, we help couples, children and teenagers in neighboring towns.
We help children, teens, and couples in Connecticut in Bozrah, Waterford, Old Lyme, Ivoryton, Griswold, Centerbrook, Westbrook, Essex, East Lyme, Newington, Shelton, South Windsor, Granby, Franklin, Branford, Griswold, Groton, Ledyard, Suffield, Lisbon, Montville, Bristol, Stratford, Hartland, Glastonbury, Colchester, East Haddam, Hadlyme, Hamburg, Enfield, Old Saybrook, Westport, Ridgefield, and Madison. In other Connecticut towns, we offer video counseling in Connecticut to Portland, Berlin, Bethany, Bethel, Bethlehem, Milford, Kent, Bloomfield, East Hampton, Southington, Haddam, Litchfield, Simsbury, Fairfield, Cobalt, Marlborough, Cromwell, Canton, Avon, Rocky Hill, West Hartford, Clinton, Wethersfield, Middlebury, Cheshire, Waterbury, Guilford, Chester, Deep River, Moodus, Durham, and Middletown, Connecticut.
Through East Lyme marriage counseling, you and your partner can rebuild trust and meaningful connection.
As a result of trust and emotional inimtacy, you can improve your sex life. Emotional intimacy comes before physical intimacy. In Southeastern Connecticut, relationship counseling helps couples grow together after cheating, secret keeping, an affair or infidelity. To help couples reconnect in unique ways, creative holistic options are available. Art, yoga, music, and nature therapies are healing for the complex trauma of an affair.
The team of therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling specialize in getting you and your partner in tune. You can talk about the loss, grief, and then get back on the same page. Gottman marriage therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut helps couples feel a sense of unity and passion together again.
