Same-sex couples also go through these same challenges in their fights. Maybe, you feel like you’re getting into a power battle. Sometimes, does it feel like both of you are trying to be right versus trying to listen? Does it feel like you always have to prove yourself or explain yourself in a fight? And, does this cycle seem to keep you stuck in negativity and frustration?
What is a gentle start up when it comes to conflict resolution skills in marriage counseling in Southeastern Connecticut?
Well, a gentle start up means using a soft tone of voice to communicate your desire. Frequently, distant couples get into arguments because one person becomes defensive or shut down. As well, it doesn’t feel good for anyone in there as emotional shut down occurring. Also, a gentle start up is a great coping skill for resolving high conflict fights. In marriage counseling, in Southeastern Connecticut, our team of couples therapy specialists help couples understand where the intensity of their fight is coming from.
However, when resentment, jealousy, and trust issues pile up, being gentle with each other, it can be challenging.
You might have some trust issues or betrayals that are preventing you from being gentle. In couples counseling, we can help you build a positive, nurturing relationship with your spouse and with yourself. Essentially, conflicts don’t have to be intense, involve yelling, or hurtful words. But, if your current conflicts and fights feel hurtful, we can help you build a sense of gentleness.
How can marriage counseling in Southeastern Connecticut help with conflict resolution after a high conflict fight?
At Wisdom Within Counseling, our team of therapists help couples who feel stuck in disconnection or anger. As well, in the Southeastern Connecticut area, we help same-sex couples build playfulness in their marriage. We are in LGBTQIA+ affirming as a marriage counseling group.
Why is a gentle start up so important when it comes to asking for your needs?
Well, a gentle start up allows your partner to feel like they can influence your thoughts and ideas. In a marriage, for it to remain healthy, partners must always be able to be influenced by one another.
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What causes couples to get a high conflict fights and arguments?
Well, couples who have a history of childhood trauma, emotional neglect, or emotional abuse are more likely to get into high conflict fight. Essentially, high conflict fights are really unresolved trauma wounds from childhood being re-victimized. So, let’s say a parent ignored your emotions as a child. Maybe, you had a mother who didn’t allow you to cry. Or, your father would physically hurt you if he saw you being anything but happy. Maybe, you may have had a parent who was an alcoholic and you identify as an adult child of an alcoholic. Essentially, all of these are forms of childhood trauma that scar you. And, when you get into a fight with your spouse, these wounds hurt over and over.
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Therefore, by working with a marriage counseling specialist on our team in Southeastern Connecticut, you can learn how to build a safe, trusting bond with your spouse.
As well, we can offer you book recommendations and relaxation tools. Often times, we don’t get to learn how to strengthen relationships emotionally in school. In class, you learned about math and science, but we don’t learn how to resolve conflict or expressed emotions.
To add, holistic marriage counseling in southeastern Connecticut can help you build security in your marriage.
And, in marriage counseling in Southeastern Connecticut, we can help you express intense emotions like jealousy, anger, or anxiety calmly to your spouse.
And, Southeastern Connecticut relationship counseling can teach you how to talk about negativity and desire calmly. Also, you can communicate in a way that feels gentle and nurturing to you and your spouse. Essentially, our team of marriage therapists in Southeastern Connecticut would love the opportunity to help you and your spouse. You can learn to build lifelong positive coping tools for emotional intimacy and rebuild sexual desire. Learning the skill “gentle start up within a conflict“ is going to help you for the rest of your life!
To note, couples often will start yelling if they feel like they are not being listened to.
What are errors couples currently make in fights that cause distance and defensiveness?
As well, another error that many couples make is starting sentences with the word “you.” Now, starting a statement with the word “you” creates a sense of confrontation and defensiveness. As well, it can be hard to speak respectfully to your spouse when you are triggered with anger. But, having a softer start up can help you think positively about your spouse versus living in the “always” or “you never.” Simply put, couples struggle to ask for what they need to calmly. And, couples struggle to express feelings calmly. Especially, this is hard when there are intense emotions like anger, loss, or jealousy present.
How to use the gentle start up skill in Southeastern Connecticut marriage counseling ?
If you feel like you have a desire, do not criticize your spouse. Instead of criticizing the messy room, focus on talking about your need or your want. Use “I feel” statements to speak about your desires. As well, many couples go about life without appreciating each other enough. Therefore, Southeastern CT couples therapy in can be an opportunity to learn how to appreciate each other. Many times, couples have different love languages and struggle with learning how to love each other. Essentially, we can teach you how to appreciate each other in ways to help each of you feel loved.
In addition, we focus on teaching you how to show affection and sensual energy.
With a marriage, it takes time to prioritize your sex life. In marriage and sex positive counseling, your therapist can help you focus on your sex life and expressing more affection. Often times, couples feel distant and disconnection because of lack of affection. Therefore, your marital therapist can help you share love instead of complaining. In addition, Southeastern Connecticut marriage counseling can help you learn how to share your needs in ways that feel positive. It doesn’t feel good to yell at your spouse to get your needs met. Instead, couples therapy sessions can teach you ways to express when you are upset and share how you feel. If you feel rejection from them sexually, it might feel like easier to yell.
