It can be difficult to make the transition from monogamous to polyamorous couple. During this transition, couples may find their relationship did not feel like it used to. As the number of people in your relationship changes, so will the nature of your relationship. Also, relationships naturally change and evolve with time. At Wisdom Within Counseling, our therapists in Niantic, CT specialize in supporting polyamorous couples through the journey of their changing relationship. This article provides tips and tricks most helpful to our client in poly-affirmative therapy in Connecticut.
Tip #1: Polyamory is not one-size fits all.
There is not one right way to “do” polyamory. In fact, the best form of polyamory is the one that works for you and your partner! In doing research on open relationships, you may come across many definitions like mono-poly, hierarchical polyamory, and solo polyamory. These descriptions may be helpful in understanding your wants and needs. However, you do not need to fit neatly into one of these types of polyamory.
What matters most is that you and your partner understand what you hope to gain by opening your relationship. What is it that bring in other partners can add to your existing relationship? Additionally, polyamory should not be an attempt to fix your relationship’s problems. Rather, it can be a way to add to the trusting and committed foundation you and your partner have already built.
Starting poly-affirmative therapy in Connecticut can help you to identify your needs and desires for your relationship.
Working with a specialist at Wisdom Within Counseling, you and your partner can define your relationship for yourself, giving you the power to create your unique and satisfying relationship. Our therapists can also help you to identify your existing relationship’s strengths to rely on as you open your relationship. Also, poly-affirmative therapy in Connecticut can help you understand areas in which you and your partner can continue to grow as you transition to a polyamorous relationship.
Tip #2: Communication is key!
In any relationship, communication is important to success and happiness. That being said, in an open relationship, communication is even more important! When there are more people involved in a relationship, that also means more thoughts and feelings are involved. Everyone has a voice that needs to be heard.
This is even more true for those couples transitioning from monogamous to polyamorous relationships.
In these cases, you have come to learn how to have a relationship with one other person. Making the decision to open the relationship is a mutual one. It is best when both partners are regularly checking in with one another to see how things are going. This gives everyone the opportunity to state their needs and have their concerns heard.
You may want to try a weekly check-in with you partner(s). Depending on the nature of your relationship, this may be between you and your primary partner, or it may include all partners in your relationship. The key is to provide a space where everyone can share how they are feeling in the relationship. Everyone can validate good feelings, resolve conflict, and help with current problems in the relationship.
For some couples, therapy is their regular check-in. At Wisdom Within Counseling, our specialists can help you learn to communicate with your partner(s). We help you to practice effective communication and how to resolve conflict peacefully. We love helping those in open relationships thrive!
Tip #3: Have written agreements and boundaries.
When it comes to opening your relationship, it is important to know what is and isn’t okay with your partner. Regularly checking-in with your partner can help ensure that you are both on the same page. Additionally, taking the time to write down what you are both agreeing to can bring clarity to your relationship.
This list will contain the details of what is and isn’t acceptable to you and your partner as you open your relationship.
This can include the number of partners being brought in, boundaries around sex with partners, and details about how much contact partners have with each other. You may also wish to outline specifics about how often your partner check-ins will take place. Also, you could include a basic agenda to be followed during those check-ins.
When you and your partner write these agreements down, it clarifies what is acceptable to your partner. You will both not only agree to behavior, but also to the language used to describe behaviors, partners, and your relationship as a whole. This physical list can easily be brought out during your check-ins to hold yourself and your partner accountable.
Starting poly-affirmative therapy in Niantic, CT can help you and your partner to understand your relationship needs.
Working with one of our specialized therapists can help you to develop this written guide to success in a polyamorous relationship.
Tip #4: Work with a poly-affirmative therapist.
Working with a therapist can be beneficial during any life transition. Working with a poly-affirmative therapist in Niantic, CT can bring support and clarity to your journey to polyamory.
A therapist functions as a neutral third-party in your relationship.
Especially as you are bringing more people into your relationship, having a neutral third-party can be an asset! It can be helpful to have someone to teach communication skills, facilitate difficult conversations, and identify patterns in your relationship. Additionally, a poly-affirmative therapist can give you tools specific to those open their relationships to build trust and commitment in your relationship.
Wisdom Within Counseling is here to help you and your partner!
Wisdom Within Counseling is an LGBTQIA+ affirmative, poly-affirmative practice. We love supporting couples on their journey to a trusting and supportive relationship. Wisdom Within Counseling believes in a wholistic and relational approach to therapy. We also provide opportunities for creative and expressive arts in therapy to provide therapeutic options beyond talking.
Wisdom Within Counseling offers in-person therapy to individuals and couples at our office in Niantic, CT. We serve our neighboring towns of Mystic, Groton, Waterford, New London, East, Lyme, and Old Saybrook. Additionally, we serve all of Connecticut through our secure, HIPAA-compliant telehealth software. We regularly see clients living in Glastonbury, West Hartford, Guilford, Branford, Middletown, Fairfield, Danbury, and Hamden.
Use the button below to schedule a free phone consult and get started with poly-affirmative therapy in Connecticut!
About the Author
Shelby Davis is a therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling. She is a trained drama therapist, experienced in using storytelling, role play, and improvisation to help clients achieve therapeutic goals in an active and playful way. Shelby is an LGBTQIA+ affirmative and poly-affirmative therapist who enjoys teaching communication skills and supporting the emotional needs of those in polyamorous relationships. Shelby especially enjoys working with monogamous couples looking to transition to polyamory and those in mono-poly relationships.
