Fight Fairly, Even When Pissed Off: 4 Tips
As a marriage and family therapist in Niantic, Connecticut at Wisdom Within Counseling, my team and I frequently work with couples. And, as the owner of a practice for holistic marriage and family therapy, I wanted to share some tips for fighting fairly with you. Also, these tips may help save your marriage. Remember, that if you have couples communication issues, we would love to help you communicate better. Simply text/call to get started in couples therapy in Niantic, Connecticut 860-451-9364.
Does your partner just not understand what you’re saying?
Since we are human, conflict is a part of life. But, navigating marriage and relationship conflicts doesn’t have to be hard. Without support though, fights and misunderstandings can be challenging. Further, your fights are emotionally draining when you love and care about your partner. But, they don’t think about your feelings. When I work with couples who are in conflict in Niantic, Connecticut, I often see that both people deep down truly care about each other.
Right now, you and your partner just can’t seem to get along. It is aggressive and cold. Positive connection and closeness is possible through working with a holistic couples therapist in Niantic, Connecticut.
In therapy, we can work through couples communication issues. And, when words are difficult, you get to use art, painting, yoga, music, and outdoor therapies for communication. Have you and your partner ever done a couples painting? Well, it may be exactly what you need to save your marriage and gain a new perspective. So, call/text 860-451-9364 for a phone consultation for improving your marriage and relationship for the better.
For healing couples communication issues: Try these fair fighting tips and guidelines to soften how you communicate your feelings and needs, while resolving your conflict.
Guideline #1 From a Couples Therapist in Niantic, Connecticut: Whisper when you want to be heard instead of yelling.
When people yell in my couples therapy office in Niantic, Connecticut, they only want to hear themselves and be right. I take a moment to pause the session and offer some supportive comments. As a licensed holistic marriage and family therapist in Niantic, Connecticut at Wisdom Within Counseling, I teach couples how to fight fairly. I also teach couples how to hear each other’s deeper emotions underneath the anger and how to convey their own true feelings from a place of respect and connection.
However, in a conflict, being right is not always the best solution.
If you are feeling talked over, instead of yelling, talk softer. Lower your tone and reduce your emotion and your partner or spouse may follow suit in order to hear what you are saying. One tip as a licensed marriage and family therapist in Niantic, Connecticut, choose to be the leader.
Take a higher road by lowering your voice, even if you want to yell, in your next marriage conflict.
You will be setting the example of healthy tone and volume of voice. If you yell, it gives your partner an excuse to yell. If you remain gentle and calm, your partner will, in time, follow. So, as a holistic couples therapist in Niantic, Connecticut, you get to do painting, art, yoga, and outdoor walking therapy to discovery yourself. When you first start a relationship, it is easy. But, in long term relationships, the playfulness and connection takes effort. And, your tone of voice can play a huge role in how your partner receives your words. But, you may not even know or be aware that your tone of voice causes negative marital problems. So, couples counseling and marriage therapy can be very helpful. In general, your couples therapist is an outside, confidential person to support your relationship goals. Really, as a couples therapist in Niantic, Connecticut, I help you speak clearly, practice self-care, and reach your positive relationship goals.
Guideline #2: Sandwich compliment, next, area of growth, then another compliment.
When you are disagreeing about something large or small, remember to give your feedback and constructive criticism in a compliment sandwich. Positive gestures can go a long way just like compliments. As a psychologist in Niantic, I often coach couples to do “little” things for each other to provide a trustworthy base for when you do need to give constructive criticism. If you are looking for a sweet gesture such as making breakfast for your partner, so they can have a great start to a busy day at school or work, try this recipe, here.
Be the leader and compliment your partner more!
As a marriage therapist and couples counselor in Niantic, remember to focus on the positives of your partnership. Yes, your partner may be awful and annoying. But, you are a part of this fight too. So, changing your attitude can be the positive step the relationship needs. If you partner leaves their clothes in the bathroom after showering and this annoys you, look on the the bright side.
How can it help to look on the bright side when it comes to couples communication issues?
They might do that, but they may also make breakfast for you, go food shopping, and walk the dog. Remember, you can break up with this person, and look for something better. But, you will often find the same things wrong with the next person. Really, your partner is your teacher and is teaching you to be more flexible and less rigid. Tried it all? Let’s connect, call/text 860-451-9364 to gain intimacy, trust, and work on bettering your marriage.
Always share with your partner or spouse how much they mean to you and how much you deeply need and want them. Be a team player!
Guideline #3: Remember, it takes two to tango. As a couples therapist in Niantic, Connecticut, step away from the blame game. Instead, focus on teaming up against the problem.
Now, think about dancing. Then, visualize how two people are moving together in order to dance. Can you feel it? There is electric energy and passion! Your conflict and arguments are the same as a dance. As a result, this means that you may be at fault, even a teensy-weeny bit. It might be hard to acknowledge your responsibility in your marriage argument or conflict. However, by doing so, you are showing your loving spouse with respect and humility, thus helping to resolve your marriage conflict!
Your partner can teach you how to be gentle and more playful.
In conclusion, as your East Lyme couples therapist, remember that what bothers you about your partner provides you with an opportunity to be more patient and grow. In therapy, I call this “Self Work” because you are growing. When looking for a holistic couples therapist in Niantic, Connecticut, you want someone who understand LGBTQ, desires, sex, sexual orientation, and trauma. It is challenging work, but so worth it! Also, when you find the right couples therapist in Niantic, Connecticut, you can feel comfortable being your authentic self. And, your couples therapist should also be someone you can strive to be like. Read more: Four Things To Watch Out For In Marriage Conflicts, here. To begin with a phone consultation to tackle and remedy your couples communication issues and start connecting, call/text 860-451-9364.
Guideline #4: Use the, “I feel,” format and give clear examples.
Next, when you are explaining to your partner why you are upset, use direct, clear examples. Often, couples communication issues snowball into a much larger fight than it needs be. As a couples counselor in Niantic, Connecticut at Wisdom Within Counseling, I recommend trying this. For instance, “I love our life, baby, but I have something on my mind. I am worried because I am uncomfortable around some of your friends. I am also feeling scared that you might be keeping more secrets from me and I want to be transparent with each other. This is really important to me because my parents lied to each other. I love you very much and I want to work through this. If now isn’t a good time, when would be a good time to talk this out?” So, next time, see how being genuine and vulnerable works for you!
What can we do if we need more professional marital help for our couples communication issues in East Lyme, Connecticut?
Often, couples communication issues are real, emotional wounds. And, you and your partner are developing a list of unresolved fights. Now, it is important to seek couples therapy and marriage counseling sooner than later. When it comes to saving your marriage, start today. At Wisdom Within Counseling in East Lyme, Connecticut, the team of marriage and family therapists can help you finally resolve couples communication issues. Additionally, you can express feelings around LGBTQIA+, kind, polyamory, open relationships, non binary, gender queer, sexual orientation, sexual identity. Also, you and your partner can learn to talk openly, let go of stress, and get playful once again!
Written By Katie Ziskind
Katie Ziskind, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, RTY500 provides experiential therapy in Niantic, CT. At Wisdom Within Counseling, Katie, a licensed family and couples therapist in Niantic, helps frustrated children, teens, and couples build confidence and feel worthy. Also, Katie Ziskind offers a holistic, creative, alternative approach. She integrates painting, art, yoga, music, and animal therapy with traditional talk therapy- so they can live a life they LOVE! She is open and affirming to LGBT youth, LBGT teens, and LGBT parents. Call Katie for a free consultation to talk (860) 451-9364 or email KatieZiskindMft@gmail.com.
