You may be in an abusive relationship if you have found yourself in a relationship with a narcissist
What is being in a relationship with a narcissist like?
Often, a narcissist person has deep insecurities and inadequacies. They often feel unlovable. As well, they want to be seen as superior, excessive admiration, and have a huge ego. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be painful and add fear to your trauma story. You may feel like you walk on eggshells at home. However, no one says, “Hey, I want to be in a relationship with an abusive, narcissist!” On that note, narcissists are very good at winning someone over. They are great at buying gifts to shower their partner with gifts and expensive items. Right now, you may not know if you want to stay or go. The team of therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling near Stonington, Connecticut encourage helpless victims to shift into their personal power and courage. In counseling, you can learn to look out for signs of an abusive relationship.
How do you know you are in a relationship with a narcissist?
Many times, narcissists are charismatic and help their partner feel wanted, loved, and cared for in the beginning. Narcissists don’t show their true colors right away in a relationship. A narcissist will pretend to care, just because they want someone to pay attention to them. Often, a narcissist is charming, but behind the scenes at home, they are very different. Narcissists will make fake promises. Let’s say, you are in New London, Connecticut, and you want to have a child. Maybe, you don’t want to have sex just yet. Well, an abusive person may lie to you to get what they want. So, they may make a promise like “I will have a baby with you.” This is coercion. Essentially, an abusive person persuades their mate to do something now, like have sex, with false promises.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for clarity and confidence around your current romantic relationship.
In the beginning of a relationship, you can spot warning signs of abuse while still thinking clearly.
They justify their bad behaviors. Maybe, your partner got super drunk, was verbally abusive, and called you names. Often, narcissists feel like they should aways be seen as the hero. So, the next day, they blame you for their drinking problem. They tell you that you made them so mad and angry and you deserved to be yelled at. Often, in an abusive relationship and trauma bond, a controlling partner gains full power. As well, you may hear your partner judge you and justify their mistakes and actions. Your abusive partner may cause you to feel low in self-esteem, low in self-worth, and doubt your own identity. In therapy sessions, the team at Wisdom Within Counseling near Stonington, Connecticut can help you spot abusive behaviors. By working with a therapist who specializes in trauma and trauma bonds, you can learn to build up your self-worth. Counseling helps you become aware of the problematic signs of an abusive relationship before you are in too deep.
Love bombing and gift purchasing is a sign of an abusive relationship
An abusive partner pays so much attention to you that you feel so happy and excited to be with them. However, gifts are part of the grooming process and control. And, it is all a mask and fantasy. Many times, an abusive partner will publicly give gifts that are showy. This makes them be seen publicly as the hero or good. These large gifts can lead a victim to feel like they can’t speak up or ask for changes. When a partner does share a complaint or a need, an abusive person tells their partner that they are being ungrateful or unappreciative.
An abusive partner or spouse will accuse you that you are greedy.
An abusive partner causes you to question who you are when you want something changed about the relationship. After they verbally, physically, or emotionally abuse you, they will never apologize, but instead buy you a large gift. It might feel good and flattering to get a large gift. However, this could be a sign that you need a space space outside of the relationship to reflect and gain clarity. In general, the team specialize in trauma bonds and PTSD at Wisdom Within Counseling near Stonington, Connecticut. From counseling, you can learn to be perceptive, focus on your self, and become aware of signs you are in an abusive relationship.
Narcissists blame the victim
An abusive partner doesn’t like boundaries or when anyone says, “no,” to them. As well, narcissists and abusers flip the situation pushing blame on the victim. Narcissists never will believe that anything is their fault. Instead, a narcissist will always guilt trip others and can’t take accountability. Never will they say, “I am so sorry, that was my fault.” Also, a narcissist will never believe that they made a mistake or did something wrong/bad. They make their failures be their victim’s problems.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for self-esteem, confidence, and to better understand the signs of an abusive relationship.
You feel manipulated
As well, a person with narcissistic personality disorder will be manipulative and gaslight their partner. It is important to know that narcissists lack empathy. No matter how much you may ask them to listen or validate, it is a skill they will never gain. Now, narcissists often choose to date and prey on an emotional person who has a high level of empathy. Sometimes, narcissist will guilt trip an emotional person into thinking it is their fault for the mistake the narcissist made.
An abusive person has a selective memory regarding their errors and mistakes
An abusive person or narcissist will always dodge the conversation and not remember. Narcissists will often say, “It didn’t happen that way. You are remembering it wrong. I never did that.” An abusive person will question and doubt you, causing you low self-worth. Being told you are wrong and invalid over and over can lead to having anxiety. An abusive person will always doubt your memory of events where you felt wronged by them. This is a form of manipulation in a romantic relationship. Overall, if you feel manipulated, this could be a sign you are in an abusive relationship. Overall, the team of marriage and family therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling near Stonington, Connecticut can support you in understanding and identifying manipulation and gaslighting. Manipulation and gaslighting are signs of an abusive relationship.
Emotional blackmail is another sign of being in an abusive relationship
Emotional blackmail is when someone uses your emotions against you. As well, someone who is abusive may threaten suicide if you try to leave them. Essentially, they threaten to kill themselves or threaten to share your secrets with the world. Emotional blackmail should never be a part of your relationship. At times, passive aggression is a form of abuse too. A passive aggressive person never talks openly about how they feel or their needs. For instance, your spouse told you they would pick you up at the airport, and you felt reassured, but never did because they were annoyed at you for something. Or, they told you they bought books for you both to read together, and you felt excited, but you realized they lied and never bought them. Furthermore, emotional blackmail and passive aggressive behaviors all are an attempt to control and make someone stay stuck.
Another sign of an abusive relationship is cutting you off socially from friends
The person you are with doesn’t want you hanging out with your friends or your family. Has the person you are dating or married to told you that you can’t spend time with your friends? Or, that you can’t see your friends with out them being there by your side? Well, this is a sign that you may be in an abusive relationship and trauma bond. An abusive person will try to get you to feel guilty for hanging out with anyone but them. If they see you having a social life, they will try to pull you away from it.
Another sign of an abusive relationship is being told that you are not in an abusive relationship
Relationship abuse is more common that you may realize. Abusers are always in denial of their problem. And, relationship abuse a pattern of behaviors with the sole purpose to gain or maintain power. Abuse is meant to make a victim feel powerless. Sometimes, an abuser is just repeating a pattern they saw growing up. Other times, they do not know another way to communicate. There is never an excuse for abusive behaviors in a relationship. Abusers always seek to control their partner. Did you know abusers often use more than one form of abuse? There is sexual, physical, emotional, and mental abuse.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for self-esteem, confidence, and to break free of a trauma bond.
Does your partner insult you in sexual ways?
Sexual abuse is a form of abuse that often is overlooked in romantic relationships. Long ago, it used to be illegal to say your spouse raped you. But, now, marital rape is illegal. Consent is so important, but often dismissed in sexually abusive relationships. Has your partner hurt you or scared you with weapons or objects during sex? If your partner intentionally gives you a sexually transmitted infection or disease, this is abusive behavior.
Is your partner calling you explicit names?
Additionally, if you have been called any bad names you have endured verbal and possibly sexual abuse. For instance, the words, “bitch,” and “asshole,” and common names. With that said, sexual abuse is also a form of abuse. You are in an abusive relationship if your partner holds you down during sex without your consent. As well, another sign that you are being sexually abused is if your partner involves other people in your sexual activities after you said, “No.” Lastly, the team of trauma bond specialists at Wisdom Within Counseling near Stonington, Connecticut can help you identify signs of an abusive relationship.
If any of these are happening in your life, you would benefit from trauma bond therapy.
How can you start to break free from your trauma bond today?
Develop a healthy, vibrant social life
In freeing yourself from a trauma bond, make sure to connect with supports in your life. Now, this doesn’t mean going out drinking at the bar or gambling at the casino. These would actually be numbing activities that take away from self-care. Maybe, you work with an Ayurvedic specialist, holistic therapist, naturopath, or massage therapist. Find people that support you emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
It is important to have appointments and time just for yourself in your life.
Make a point to spend your time around people who show loving concern, are a shoulder to cry on, and are healthy. Work with a therapist who specializes in abusive relationships, trauma, and trauma bonds. Help yourself by having nutritious meals at least three times a day. Surround yourself with loving, nurturing people that help remind you of your self-worth.
Noticing enabling can help you if you have been in an abusive relationship or trauma bond
Notice enabling behaviors because they keep you stuck. If you know that you have a narcissist in your life, notice when you want to give in. Remember, it is important to set boundaries when something doesn’t feel right. The more you let your boundaries go and be flimsy, the more you enable. Essentially, in trauma bond therapy, you will have a chance to learn about setting boundaries.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for self-esteem, confidence, and to better understand the signs of an abusive relationship.
Setting boundaries and being firm can help you break free from a trauma bond
For instance, if you were shopping and a clerk over charged you for two shirts when you were just buying one, what would you do? Would you pause them and let them know they overcharged you? Or, would you notice the over charge and let it be okay by just walking away? Well, this is an opportunity to set a boundary. Often, we don’t think of relationships as needing boundaries, but they do. And, you are the only person who can set a boundary for yourself. No one can do that for you. With that said, setting boundaries takes courage and clear communication. Your therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling can support you in setting firm, clear boundaries.
What are examples of boundaries to break a trauma bond?
For instance, a boundary in your romantic relationship could be “I will not sleep with someone who name calls.” “I will not yell.” “I will take care of my own finances and work hard.” “I will not have conversations when I feel angry, defensive, or obsessive.” “I will not argue with anyone who has alcohol in their blood.” Essentially, these are all relationship boundaries. The hardest part about setting boundaries is being firm and sticking to them. Of course, a person who is narcissistic will push your boundaries. But, you don’t have to keep giving in. Each time someone in your life who has narcissist traits pushes your boundary, think of it as an opportunity to enforce it calmly.
Practice acceptance and think clearly
First, accept that what you are experiencing and feeling is not what you deserve. Your abuser may try to buy you lots of gifts and love bomb you. Notice when you feel shame, guilt, unheard, pushed aside, or ignored. As well, journal and process what you feel. Your therapist can help you remember your self-worth. As well, every day, remember that you deserve to be treated as precious, special, and you are worthy of love. And, the abuse you are experiencing is not okay. Be aware that no relationship is perfect.
Become aware of identifying abuse and that abuse of any kind is never okay.
Part of overcoming abuse is to step out of the fantasy that an abuser will someday get better on their own. What you thought was a perfect, passionate relationship is no longer that way. Be okay will accepting that you are in the role of victim. You abuser will need professional, regular therapy to learn the role that they play and how to stop abusing you. Part of overcoming abuse and freeing yourself from a trauma bond is acceptance of reality. Make a point to work with your therapist to set goals to become a survivor.
Seek regular trauma bond therapy
If you have noticed any of these signs of an abusive relationship, working with a therapist can help. After being in an abusive relationship, a person is low in self-worth. You may doubt your ability to think clearly and even make decisions. After an abusive relationship, you will need help rebuilding your identify, your hobbies, and reconnecting with friends. Counseling at Wisdom Within supports emotional expression and positive coping tools. At Wisdom Within Counseling in Southeastern Connecticut, you can have a safe place to gain clarity to process your experiences of past trauma.
The team at Wisdom Within Counseling offers you art therapies, yoga therapies, music therapies, drama therapies, and outdoor walk and talk therapies.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, you can choose from creative, holistic stress outlets for building your self-care routines.
Often, past trauma can lead to painful emotions in the present moment that keep you stuck. These holistic, expressive arts in therapy support a calm nervous system. While talking about your past painful experiences, you can use acrylic paints, watercolors, and clay. Overall, art therapies and drama therapies provide playfulness after worry and tension. As well, art and drama therapies help you have a language beyond words to talk and express. Sometimes, your therapist may ask you if you want to take your session outdoors in nature or go for a walk. Walking therapies along the Niantic Bay Boardwalk rebuild an intuitive, mind body connection. Drama therapies are very healing for after trauma as well.
When you think of therapy, it doesn’t just have to be sitting and talking.
Drama therapy is also playful, positive, and a great way to role play how to be confident in the real world. Additionally, drama therapies help you rehearse and grow yourself in new, creative, expressive ways. As well, working with a therapist can help you understand red flags and signs of an abusive relationship. At Wisdom Within Counseling near Stonington, Connecticut, the team of marriage and family therapies can help you break a trauma bond. Plus, you can have creative, expressive art therapies to rebuild your confidence and voice.
