In a good relationship or marriage, couples can regulate their emotions in calm ways. Essentially, healthy couples know conflicts will happen. However, a healthy couple can turn into a frustrated, distant couple over time and after life stressors. And, relationship conflicts can be managed in calm and relaxed ways. But, a lot of couples resort to yelling, name calling, put downs, and end up hopeless. Essentially, healthy couples deal with intense conflicts in calm ways that don’t involve criticism. As well, qualities of a good relationship are not hard to learn. You can grow and maintain conflict resolution skills with the support and guidance of a Connecticut couples therapist.
What are conflict styles?
On the other hand, some couples avoid conflict and don’t address issues. Sometimes, in a romantic relationship or marriage, both partners avoid conflict. Other times, some couples a volatile and high conflict fights. Essentially, high conflict couples have a high level of yelling and less regulation emotionally. Oftentimes, high conflict couples show intense reactivity and intense emotional conversations.
To start, book a phone consult below to gain qualities of a good relationship and build a nurturing, loving, passionate marriage.
What is different about the qualities of a good relationship verses a negative relationship?
At Wisdom Within a counseling, we find that happy couples have a sense of forgiveness. When in comes to qualities of a good relationship, couples are emotionally open with each other. Sometimes, couples who are in a positive place will experience intense emotions, but will share them in calm ways. Essentially, problems develop when couples a mismatched in their conflict styles. At first, in the beginning of the relationship, both people my be avoiding an issue or conflict.
Over time, couples can learn and develop qualities of a good relationship.
But, as time goes on, one person in a relationship wants to talk about an issue and want to discuss it. So, holistic marriage counselors at Wisdom Within Counseling in Connecticut can help when it comes to mismatched communication styles. As well, if you notice conflict avoidance in your relationship, your marriage counselor can help you learn and develop qualities of a good relationship. You can learn to talk in ways that support you in feeling heard and validated.
Furthermore, when it comes to qualities of a good relationship, healthy marriages and relationships have calm and respectful dialogue in an intense conversation.
Also, the repair attempts like humor or hand holding stop mattering to couples who are in a really negative direction in their relationship. Also, couples who are in a negative place in their relationship tend to have trouble repairing. For instance, in the same way that you might be tender on a bruised ankle, you can learn how to be tender with your romantic relationship. In Gottman marriage counseling, you can learn qualities of a good relationship. Plus, you can identify solvable problems verses perpetual problems in your marriage.
Couples get stuck in tense, high conflict fights when trying to fix or solve perpetual problems.
Essentially, couples get stuck explaining their point of view, or trying to convince their partner to get on their side. And, this never helps build intimacy in any way. So, when it comes to discussing perpetual problems, you can learn to talk about it in calm and loving ways through therapy. Often, couples get triggered and flooded emotionally and never learn to truly repair conflicts. So, from Gottman couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling in Connecticut, you can learn to repair, heal, and build togetherness.
To start, book a phone consult below to gain qualities of a good relationship and build an amazing, meaningful, joyful marriage.
What is the sound relationship house when it comes to qualities of a good relationship?
To start, the relationship house is a model and diagram that Gottman couples therapists in Connecticut at Wisdom Within Counseling use. As well, the sound relationship house is a tool that the marriage therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling teach to couples. Plus, the sound relationship house tool provides couples with information about where challenges are in the relationship.
What is on level one when it comes to Gottman marriage counseling in Connecticut and the sound relationship house?
On level one of the sounds relationship house in Gottman couples therapy, couples learn to build love maps. What is a love map? Well, a love map is the map of your partner, their body, their hobbies, and truly knowing them better than anyone. When distant couples attend marriage counseling in Connecticut, love maps are one are that your Gottman marital counselor will assess. Sometimes, couples stop sharing parts of themselves with each other when there is betrayal or loneliness. Furthermore, love maps are about knowing one another’s world and qualities about them. Sometimes, love maps can be knowing where your partner likes to sit on the couch or their favorite author. Also, love maps in Gottman marriage therapy is about truly knowing how to be supportive and give love.
Now, what is the second level of the sound relationship house?
As well, level two of the sound relationship house in Gottman marriage therapy, is about sharing fondness and admiration. So, your couples therapist can guide you in sharing fondness and admiration. For instance, “I’m impressed by you,” is an example of expressing verbal fondness and admiration. As well, saying, “Im proud of you,” or, “I’m attracted to you,” can build fondness and admiration. Often, couples who are distant, arguing and alone, lack skills of fondness and admiration.
Working with a Gottman marriage counselor at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you build fondness.
Additionally, fondness and admiration are some most important elements in a long-lasting romantic relationship. But, they are also quick to go when things are not going well. Right now, to start today, you can make a list of all the things you love about your spouse or romantic partner. Sometimes, it can feel easy to look at the negative side and what they haven’t done well.
Your holistic Gottman marriage therapist can help you learn and use your skill of fondness and admiration.
Remember, talk about how much you love your romantic partner or spouse daily. Right now, it might be easy to look at the laundry piling up, the stress from parenting, and brush over positive compliments. However, speaking to your partner about what you are proud of about them is so essential. And, make a point not to keep compliments to yourself. Instead, verbalize and share positive compliments to your spouse out loud. For example, “I love it that my wife is a yoga teacher.” As well, telling your spouse privately and in public, group settings how much you love about them is showing fondness and admiration.
Many times, couples miss out and brush over sharing fondness and admiration.
As well, when a couple is having difficult staying emotionally connected, there are usually challenges with expressing physical intimacy too. So, having good sex is all about turning towards instead of away.
What is the third floor of the sound relationship house?
Essentially, the third floor of the house is turning towards, which can be grabbing their hard in they put it our for you first. Also, the fourth level is all about the positive perspective of the relationship. For instance, turning towards means recognizing your partner’s emotions and bids for attention. As well, turning towards can mean learning to respond appropriately to your partner’s bids for affection too. Lack of turning towards leads to marital resentment and loneliness. Overall, turning towards can be going into the same room to talk. Or, turning towards can be facing each other to have a hear to heart conversation. Additionally, turning towards is a skill that all couples can learn no matter the distress. Couples who make a bid for connection and their partner turns towards them, feel closer, more trust, and stability.
To start, book a phone consult below to gain qualities of a good relationship and build a trusting, secure, emotionally connected marriage.
Now, positive perspective is all about looking back on memories with a positive lenses.
Sometimes, couples in negative conflict will look back and view or perceive the relationship as “all bad,” which a marriage therapist can help with changing. So, couples who are healthy have a bigger positive perspective about the whole of their relationship. Furthermore, the fifth level is about man against conflict. As well, studies show that as couples receive professional marriage counseling at Wisdom Within Counseling start retelling the narrative of their painful story in a less negative way. As couples talk about their marriage history, they start to see their past in a brighter, more inspiring light. From therapy, couples can learn to build intimacy and from greater intimacy, their love is reinforced. Then, the perspective and outlook on the past can change from Gottman couples counseling in Connecticut.
What is the last level of the sound relationship house?
Now, the last two levels of the sound relationship house are making life dreams come true and creating shared meaning. Often, these last two levels are about individual goals and how their partner encourages them. Sometimes, this has to do with one partner’s gift or interest.
In satisfying relationships, each partner finds ways to support the dreams of the other person.
Now, this doesn’t meaning having to do it together. But, happy couples find ways to support eh dreams and goals of their partner. On the other level, creating shared meaning is about building “we-ness,” and togetherness. Essentially, this is about family values, how children are raised, shared goals let’s say buying a second home, or how to be as a parent unit. Overall, shared meaning can be very deep and purposeful in a couple’s identity as a unit and couples. In the lower levels of the sounds relationship house, they are about emotional validation and a foundation of security in a friendship.
Why are trust and commitment so essential in marriage counseling in Connecticut?
In addition, trust and commitment are load bearing walls. So, if trust and commitment are broken, every level of the Gottman sound relationship house is broken too. So, affair recovery and infidelity starts with trust and commitment at the walls being the first step. Essentially, every level of the relationship house is built upon trust and commitment. Essentially, trust and commitment are significant foundations for understanding and creating healthy, loving, positive communication in couples counseling.
At Wisdom Within Counseling in Connecticut, we teach you how to use the Gottman Repair Checklist.
Couples who have negative emotional conversations have trouble repairing after a conflict. Now, when there is an overwhelming negative perspective and hurt within the relationship, working on conflict repairs can be really helpful. Frequently, couples that lack repair cycles and start to learn them from marriage therapy, then start to feel closer and more calm. Examples of repairs simply can include apologizing and taking ownership. Or, a repair after a conflict could be listening, holding space, playing a board game, and talking softly. Unfortunately, couples who don’t accept repairs from each other, end up in a high level of ongoing conflict.
To start, book a phone consult below to gain qualities of a good relationship and build a loving, powerful, passionate marriage.
I feel so hurt and mad! What exactly do happy couples do after a fight to feel better?
Now, all satisfied, loving, nurturing couples have a tool box of repairs to rebuild connection, trust and calmness. Often, a repair can be an apology or saying, “I’m sorry.” Essentially, saying, “I need to slow down this conversation.”
How is friendship an important role in marriage counseling? Friendship is a foundational element in reducing conflict. So, by increasing friendship, conflict will reduce. Oftentimes, couples who have frequent arguments may also experienced childhood trauma.
Many times, trauma in childhood, sexual abuse, and emotional neglect play a large role in marital fights.
Sometimes, trauma from childhood like loss of a parent or moving multiple times a impactful life events. Also, having parent who is an alcoholic or a parent who has mental health issues impacts romantic relationships in adulthood. Trauma can be coming out and your parents not believing you. Sometimes, trauma in childhood can be suddenly having something unexpected happen. So, your marriage counselor can help you heal from past trauma with your spouse’s support. Often, trauma counseling is only individual, but doing it in couples therapy is much more beneficial.
What is a cycle of fighting and how does Gottman marriage counseling in Connecticut help?
Furthermore, your marriage therapist can get a glimpse into your relationship and the cycle of fighting. Your therapist will learn when your friendship was easy and when it was once strong. And, your marriage therapist can help you develop skills to draw out a loving friendship. As well, at first, learning these skills for relationship friendship can be challenging after a painful fight. However, shifting into a friendship can be a healthy coping strategy for less fights.
How is couples therapy in Connecticut useful for reducing fights and building a secure, loving bond?
The more couples fight and fight, the more they feel less productive and more hopeless. Often, marriage counselors will ask their couples to save their fights for the therapy room. Essentially, a marriage therapist can make conflict communication more productive and effective in couples therapy. Gottman marriage therapy supports couples in reducing painful rights and building a sense of strength, commitment and love.
In a positive, loving, good relationship, couples use a gentle start up technique.
For instance, healthy couples don’t blame each other.
Instead, couples who are loving and successful intentionally reinforce good qualities in each other. Healthy couples who feel enjoyment from their romantic relationship speak in a soft, gentle tone of voice. As well, couples have to practice a soft and gentle tone of voice if they are not accustomed to using the gentle start up skill. Therefore, working with a holistic Gottman marriage counseling can help you learn skills to apply to your marriage.
