Is it abuse when someone tells you that your feelings are invalid?
Often times, verbal and emotional abuse is not talked about as frequently as physical abuse. Yes, an abuser will tell you that your feelings are “too crazy.” Survivors of verbal and emotional abuse often suffer from symptoms of PTSD as a result. Also, low self-esteem, living in fear, and self-doubt are very real for victims of any kind of abuse. If you have been in a domestic violent relationship or verbally abusive, you are not alone.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for emotional coping tools to heal after verbal abuse.
What is the cycle of abuse in a romantic relationship?
An abuser will treat a victim well, sometimes. Then, it is common for an abusive romantic partner to blame you, as the victim. An abusive person can not take ownership for their mistakes. There may be times of good followed by times of bad, in a cycle. As well, in a trauma bond relationship, there is a cycle of abuse that occurs. Also, the abuser will buy large, expensive gifts for their victim to make them stay. This is called love bombing. In love bombing, the gifts always come with abuse. This makes is very hard for the victim to understand they are being abused.
Blaming the victim pattern in abusive relationships
As well, an abusive person will often make you feel like you are remembering traumatic events incorrectly. An abusive person may even try to gaslight you. Perhaps, you romantic partner tells you that some thing they did, never actually occurred. Maybe, they yelled at you or hurt your feelings. They will deny it even took place. Then, the victim feels insane and guilty for making their abuser mad. Your abuser might even try to engage with you in a yelling, belittling, or negative way to try to get you to yell back. It is very difficult for an abusive person to change, but it is possible with regular counseling.
To begin, click the pink button for counseling for survivors of verbal and emotional abuse.
Is it abuse when someone tells you that an event did not actually occur?
To note, it is abuse when someone tells you that your feelings are invalid and if they deny an event occurring. Whether you feel upset or sad or hurt, healthy partner will try to empathize with you. However, an abusive person may have narcissistic tendencies and not empathize. Therefore, an abusive partner will make fun of you for crying and will call you “crazy.”
A person who has narcissistic and abusive tendencies will also blame you for their negative behaviors. It will be very hard for an abusive person to admit their mistakes. And, it’s very easy for a master manipulator to have a large ego. So, there becomes a pattern of gift giving to try to make their victims more attached to them. Instead of saying sorry for being abusive and changing their behavior, an abusive person may give their victim an expensive necklace. Then, the victim may fall back in love and forgive their abuser.
Gift giving in abusive relationships
After a major abusive incident, and abuser may buy large, fancy gifts for their victim in an effort to keep them close. For instance, this could be a fancy item, new phone, new car, clothes, tuition, or vacation. In addition to being very critical, the abuser will pay for their victim financially. As well, an abusive partner will call their victim crazy and too sensitive. If a victim tries to set a boundary, an abuser does not respect boundaries. If someone that you are in a romantic relationship with tells you that your feelings are invalid, it is time to seek counseling.
Understanding intimate partner abuse
Believing the relationship is abusive might feel really scary especially if your lives are intertwined. If you share a home, children, and other aspects such as finances, it can help to work with a therapist to gain courage to leave.
Lies and denial in abusive relationships
When an abusive person tells you that an event or something they said did not actually occur, this is a form of gaslighting. For instance, your partner screamed at you on a Friday night. The next day, you try to address this with them, but they tell you it never happened and you begin to doubt yourself and your own memory. When you do bring something up, your abusive partner will blame you and tell you that you are too sensitive. Often, they make fun of you for showing vulnerability. As well, if you try to talk about something important to you or a goal, they ignore you or are uninterested.
To begin, click the button below to start with a phone consult for to get holistic therapy if you are a survivor of verbal and emotional abuse.
A person who is abusive will criticize, ignore you, and stonewall.
Stonewalling is when someone does not speak and stops talking as a form of power and control. An abusive person may not want to have a conversation on their mistakes, abusive behavior, or on your feelings of being hurt. Therefore, a manipulator will just simply not speak, which is a form of abuse. In an abusive romantic relationship, it is very common for a trauma bond to develop.
In a healthy relationship, you can raise your concerns ad hurts in a calm way. Also, you deserve to have a partner who listens and cares about you in a stable way.
Has someone told you that you are stupid or never going to amount to anything?
Often times, an abusive person will criticize you and make you feel like you are living on eggshells. One day, they are polite, sweet, kind and happy. They might even give you gifts and shower you with compliments during the honeymoon and love bombing phases. In a split second, they are criticizing you, belittling you, hurting you, and repeating the cycle of abuse. Until they get professional therapy, you’ll always be in the role of victim. To add, trauma bonds take time to develop, so you might not realize you’re in a trauma bond for at least three or five years.
How do abusive relation ships start?
You will be showered with gifts and compliments. Before you realize, you will be criticized, hurt, lied to, betrayed, and develop low self-esteem. As well, your partner will strip away your social connections. Essentially, an abusive person will tell you that your friends aren’t good enough. You get closer to the abusive person. As well, an abusive romantic partner will yell, scream, and belittle you. You start to doubt yourself and wonder what you did you cause this. In reality, it is the cycle of abuse and control. Then, they will deny they hurt you and avoid taking accountability. An abusive person blames their victim for their abusive behaviors.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for emotional support after abuse.
Picking the victim
Abusers are drawn to care takers and naturally nurturing, sensitive people. Nurses, teachers, and therapists tend to fall into victim roles due to naturally care giving qualities. Often times, people who are easily victims are really good at being caretakers. You might be a mother or counselor or someone that deeply loves helping others. At first, you don’t realize the person you are falling in love with has abusive behaviors. They fool victims easily and groom them slowly. Lastly, an abuser wants their victim to seek their approval for everything. Your abuser may accuse you of cheating, to justify their abusive behavior. As well, your abuser may keep tabs on you and even track where you drive.
Your abuser has picked you and made you dependent on them.
A victim is always dependent on the validation of their abuser, which they never get. This desire to be cared for leads to low self-worth and low confidence. And, this is just what you abuser wants. Often times, when you can’t please you abuser or if your abuser gets mad at you, you automatically feel guilty.
If you are in a trauma bond, you might feel guilty because you can’t make the relationship better. You have said sorry so many times, but abuse is not your fault. When your abuser says sorry, it means nothing, because they keep behaving negatively. And, as much as you hear your abuser saying they will change, the emotional abuse keeps happening. Often times, victims feel responsible for the negative abusive actions of their manipulative romantic partner.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult to let go of guilt and rebuild confidence after emotional abuse.
If you are a survivor of verbal and emotional abuse, it is not your fault.
Trauma bonds are very challenging to end. Often times, survivors of verbal and emotional abuse do not realize how controlling their abusive partner is. At times, abusive romantic partners will promise to change manipulative and toxic behavior, but never do. They make fake promises to get therapy or to change, but continue control and abuse. These are often childhood patterns they are repeating.
Overall, if you are a survivor of verbal and emotional abuse, you deserve peace of mind, safety, and happiness. It is very common for survivors of verbal and emotional abuse to develop PTSD symptoms. PTSD can develop from both physical abuse as well as verbal and emotional abuse.
PTSD Symptoms of intimate partner violence and verbal abuse
If your partner has told you that you are stupid or you will not amount to anything, these are signs that you are in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. Being in an abusive relationship makes your self-esteem decrease. Over time, a victim of emotional and verbal abuse loses touch with reality. And, staying in an abusive relationship lowers your viewpoint of yourself. Maybe, your abuser cut you off from family and friends. You might even find that you have trouble sleeping, anxiety, depression, or feel lost in the relationship. Over time, from being in a trauma bond and suffering from emotional abuse, you might not smile or laugh as much. You might feel your muscles are very tense and you have trouble concentrating at work or paying attention.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for holistic PTSD and trauma counseling.
Deep down, you might feel like you want to help your abusive partner, but in reality, you can’t.
A victim must get help themselves in counseling to change out of the victim role. Working with a therapist can help you rebuild your self-esteem and self-worth. You can learn to separate from the trauma bond and talk about the abusive incidents. Many times, victims do not talk about abusive incidences because they are ashamed. As well, victims of emotional and verbal abuse often blame themselves. Also, victims may always crave love and affection from their abusive partner. That is why trauma bonds are so hard to break and change.
The trauma bond cycle is filled with positive attention and then criticism and abuse.
If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, your partner will probably be making excuses for their behavior. They will be justifying negative behaviors. Perhaps, your partner gets really drunk on alcohol and emotionally abuses you.
Are you called a cunt or a bitch?
These are forms of verbal and emotional abuse. When you try to talk to them about it, they might even lie that it never happened. As well, you may find yourself lying to friends and family in an effort to protect your abuser. And, you might even be defending them regularly to your friends and family even though they abuse you. Many victims develop what is called Stockholm syndrome.
What is unhealthy love?
Victims of emotional abuse feel like they owe it to their abuser to stay. As part of a trauma bond, the victim feels like they are in the wrong for leaving.
Seek counseling
Working with a holistic therapist who specializes in trauma bonds and PTSD can help you understand self-care and self-worth tools. Your abuser will probably be isolating you from friends and family. Working with a therapist can help you understand you have a voice and a choice. Counseling for emotional abuse victims can help develop strength to leave the relationship.
How can counseling support victims in emotionally abusive relationships?
To add, counseling helps you get healthier so that you can communicate and set boundaries. Working with a therapist can help you understand if you are experiencing emotional or verbal abuse too. As well, your therapist can help you better protect and maintain your positive mental health. Being in a verbally abusive relationship can take a big toll on your mental health. Your therapist can help you understand the pattern of verbal and emotional abuse, so that it does not happen again.
An abusive trauma bond can leave you feeling sad, depressed, angry, resentful, confused, low in self-worth, and upset.
The scars of verbal, emotional abuse and domestic violence
Remember, an abusive person will always have a short period of time when they do not act in abusive ways. Often times, for a short period of time they will give you flowers, shower you with kind words, and even buy expensive gifts. These expensive gifts are a mask for more abuse that is coming ahead. In order to truly break the trauma bond, it is important to recognize his honeymoon phase that reoccurs. An abusive person will apologize and then abuse you again.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for breaking your trauma bond.
How to leave an unhealthy, abusive relationship?
The team of marriage and family therapist that Wisdom Within counseling in East Lyme, Connecticut specialize with trauma.
Symptoms of being in a survivor of verbal and emotional abuse
Survivors of verbal and emotional abuse often have symptoms of trauma including crying, meltdowns, anxiety, tight muscles, and even trouble concentrating. Often, anxiety attacks are present. As well, it might be hard to take deep breaths. Victims of abuse tend to have self-blame. You may feel worried nervous, stressed, worried, be overthinking and avoiding. From experiencing verbal and emotional abuse, your therapist can help you understand trauma symptoms. As well, you can earn to cope with trauma in healthy ways.
Therapy can help survivors of verbal and emotional abuse regain positive coping tools for confidence
To heal from an abusive relationship, your East Lyme, Connecticut therapist can help you develop healthy habits and better self-care tools. Self-care can help you feel stronger to leave an unhealthy relationship. As well, you can learn grounding skills such as learning to bring yourself into the present moment. Your therapist can teach you meditation and mindfulness. In a counseling session, you can squeeze a stress ball, paint, or walk by the beach. At times, victims of verbal and emotional abuse may feel anxious like abuse will happen again.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for breaking your trauma bond.
Developing self-care in recovering from trauma and PTSD in counseling in East Lyme, Connecticut
Overtime, your therapist can help you develop creative outlets such as writing, music, and finding hobbies you love like yoga. In addition, avoiding drugs and alcohol will be very helpful as you gain strength. You can make a self-care box with tissues, play dough, and mints. Also, in your self-care kit, you can put in positive affirmations every day. In PTSD therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut, you can learn how to make a self-care kit. As well, make sure you are eating colorful fruits and veggies and having balanced nutrition every day.
As you heal from being in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship, your therapist can help you find stress management techniques.
The more you learn about the trauma bond cycle, the more you can spot it in future relationships. PTSD counseling using creative therapies can help survivors of verbal and emotional abuse gain self-worth back.
As well, Wisdom Within Counseling, our team specializes with creative art, yoga, music, and outdoor walking therapies for PTSD.
We also offer a drama therapy where you can learn to role-play. Holistic counseling is about overcoming trauma and PTSD playfully. Your therapist can help you be gentle with yourself as you begin new self-care practices as you recovery from PTSD. Art and creative therapies help with grounding and positive coping tools. With your therapist, you can learn to meditate and connect to the spiritual world. In counseling, we also offer animal therapy in East Lyme, Connecticut to help with PTSD coping skills. If you are a survivor of verbal and emotional abuse, your counselor can help you develop inner strength and courage to create healthy relationships.
