Why does my spouse have fears of giving oral sex?
More commonly than you may realize, people have fears or reservations about giving oral sex. There may be a ton of great qualities about your romantic partner, but one things you struggle with together is oral sex. Keep in mind that couples therapy and individual therapy can help because individual experiences and feelings can vary greatly. We all have different cultural and societal influences that play a role in how we feel about oral sex. You and your partner can gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Katie Ziskind the team of marriage therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling specialize in help couples overcome sexual anxiety and build sexual confidence.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling is a safe, confidential space to gain sexual confidence and deeper intimacy.
Right now, you want oral sex, and you think about how easy it was for you to receive oral sex in the past relationships.
And, this makes you feel even more sad, self-conscious, confused. Oral sex has been pleasurable for you to receive in past relationships.
You don’t know why your romantic partner has hesitations, fears, and avoids giving oral sex to you.
And, you want your current romantic relationship to be successful and work out long-term. But, you also want your romantic partner to understand how significant and meaningful oral sex is for you.
Through couples therapy, it can be very pleasurable, fun, and exciting to receive oral sex.
When your spouse is reluctant or avoids giving you oral sex, you may want to goto couples counseling together. Your spouse can gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
You want your partner to feel confident, excited, sexually bonded with you, and feel pleasure giving oral sex. But, right now, there is some limitation that your spouse has to giving you oral sex.
Does your sexual partner avoid oral sex, skip it, and shut down emotionally when you try to talk about sex?
And, their avoidance of oral sex leads you to feel rejection, sadness, confusion, and it makes you self-conscious. You might be mentally challenged trying to figure out why your spouse won’t go down on you, when you want them to.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
When your romantic partner keeps avoiding giving you oral sex and won’t talk about sex with you, the team of sex specialists at Wisdom Within Counseling can help.
In intimacy counseling and couples therapy, you get a safe place to talk about sex, blow jobs, cunnilingus, orgasming, sexual techniques, and build confidence around oral sex.
A part of you wonders why your spouse avoids oral sex, and even shuts down emotionally when you try to talk about it. Maybe, at your low moments, you wonder if your romantic partner is gay, as a reason why they avoid giving you oral sex. You may wonder if they avoid oral sex because you smell bad, but they won’t tell you. Self-consciousness is very common when you want to receive oral sex, but your partner has blockages to giving oral sex.
Working with Katie Ziskind, a sex and intimacy specialist, at Wisdom Within Counseling supports open communication with your spouse.
Opening the conversation on sex, sexual histories, sexual trauma, and sexual education helps you and your partner get comfortable talking about sex. And, open communication is essential to understanding your partner’s specific concerns and fears around giving oral sex. At Wisdom Within Counseling, Katie Ziskind, licensed marriage and family therapist, and the team of couples therapists specialize with intimacy and sexual issues.
Oral sex doesn’t have to be scary, confusing, or lead to disconnection.
Instead, oral sex can be one of the many ways that you communicate your passion and love through intentional, meaningful touch.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, you and your partner can gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling. We help all couples including monogamous couples, heterosexual couples, homosexual couples, same sex couples, polyamorous couples, ethically non monogamous couples feel confident talking about sex and intimacy.
As well, we help biracial couples feel confident giving and receiving oral sex. The team at Wisdom Within Counseling is LGBTQIA+ affirming and BIPOC, transgender, queer, non-binary, gender diverse, kink, same sex couple accepting. No matter your ethnicity, age, background, nationality, or race, our team would love to help you gain oral sex confidence through intimacy counseling.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
What are some reasons for anxiety giving oral sex?
To note, there can be a variety of reasons for anxiety, avoidance, and hesitation giving oral sex including insecurity, lack of sexual education, and lack of sexual skills.
Your romantic partner may have a massive fear of their own gag reflex, which can occur in all genders, ages, and all people. They may be fearful that they will gag and then you will feel self-conscious, and then they will feel guilty. Working with the Wisdom Within Counseling sex specialists in intimacy counseling can help you talk about gag reflexes.
To note, even growing up in a family with cultural, religious fear, guilt, and shame can lead to internalized shame and anxiety around giving oral sex.
As well, if your partner has a history of sexual abuse and trauma, this can impact their ability and confidence around giving oral sex.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Body image issues, self-consciousness, and performance anxiety can lead to an avoidance of giving oral sex.
Health concerns can also lead to insecurities and fears of failure can lead to challenges giving oral sex.
Negative communication cycles can impact willingness and joy around oral sex. Notably, if your partner fears being criticized, blamed, or yelled at, this can prevent openness around oral sex. Or, when there is a culture of high conflict fighting in your romantic relationship outside of the bedroom, this can make your partner not want to give oral sex.
Better communication skills can be a positive part of marriage counseling with Katie Ziskind, licensed marriage and family therapist, and the sex and intimacy team at Wisdom Within Counseling. Oral sex may be a sore subject for you both, which leads to more conflicts and intense arguments.
When you want oral sex, and your partner keeps declining to give your oral sex, working with the team of marriage, sex, and intimacy specialists at Wisdom Within Counseling can be helpful.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Insecurity causes apprehension and an avoidance of oral sex
For one, your partner may not want to give you oral sex out of fear of not being skilled enough. Your partner may worry about your negative judgments if they are not as great as your last sexual partner at oral. As well, your partner may avoid oral all together because they feel anxious about performing oral sex.
When working with our intimacy and sex specialists, you can learn to enjoy receiving oral sex and your partner can enjoy giving it. If you are anxious receiving oral sex, this can lead your partner to feel anxious giving it.
As well, you may not have enough foreplay before your partner begins giving you oral. Furthermore, foreplay can lead to emotional confidence and playfulness between you both. So, setting the scene before beginning oral sex, with adequate foreplay can be really positive.
The female body needs about 45 to 90 minutes of foreplay to feel sexually aroused and sexually ready. On the other hand, a male body and penis only needs about 3 to 8 minutes of foreplay.
This means that if a male is giving oral sex to a female, his female partner will need more foreplay than him before receiving oral sex.
Insecurities around giving oral sex can also come from lack of education. More often than not, we grow up with lack of sexual education.
A strict religious background may have given you misinformation around sex. You may have been told that sex is only for procreation or for making babies. Or, you may have been told that if you enjoyed sex, that you were giving into devilish temptations. As well, pornography is often where many youth learn about sex because they do not get a proper, sex positive education from their parents.
So much of our sexual education comes from pornography.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
However, pornography is not an adequate way to learn about sex.
Just like you wouldn’t learn about a healthy marriage from Hollywood movies, you shouldn’t learn about how to give oral sex through porn.
Hollywood movies are going to show you the very best parts of marriage. Pornography is going to show you paid actors and actresses faking orgasms.
Plus, pornography can lead to unrealistic expectations around sex with your real life partner. So often, pornography cameras are angled so that they can get certain shots. These are paid actors and actresses. In a real life scenario, there may be different types of kissing, caressing, sucking, and licking needed, that are not shown in the pornography video.
Pornography videos are short and do not show adequate foreplay.
In reality, the female body needs about 45 to 90 minutes of foreplay to become sexually aroused, build sexual desire, and sexually excited. Rarely do you see a pornography video that shows this adequate length of time.
More often than not, pornography videos are showing rough sex, make up streaming down a female’s face, and paid actors and actresses fulfilling the needs of a working contract. People are paid money to act in a certain way, not showing or depicting real life oral sex.
Someone in a pornography video may be receiving oral sex in an uncomfortable or painful way, but they are paid to moan and fake an orgasm.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Watching pornography and seeing people fake orgasms can lead to sexual insecurities.
You might be comparing yourself to the actors and actresses in these pornography videos and feel inadequate about your sexual skills. You might think, “Why can’t my partner moan like that? Why isn’t there a wet spot on the bed from me?” In couples counseling, you can talk about the internal sexual pressure to preform.
Also, rather than comparing yourself to the actors and actresses in pornography, you can talk about building true intimacy through couples therapy. Building emotional vulnerability skills and sexual skills go hand in hand. At Wisdom Within Counseling, Katie Ziskind and the sex and intimacy specialists can help you feel more bonded to your romantic partner through oral sex. Talking about sex and getting comfortable with oral sex is possible through marriage therapy.
You often do not see real life relationships and pornography. So, working with a team of intimacy and sex specialist at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you communicate with your partner when you feel insecurities are triggered.
Exploring different erotic zones and erogenous zones during foreplay can help you and your partner become more in tune also.
When you and your partner are more in tune sexually, you will know when each other wants oral sex and is craving it.
You can actually be uncomfortable for a female to receive oral sex when she is not fully aroused sexually. Exploring erogenous zones is key in building a female’s sexual desire and increasing libido.
Learn about the female body and develop oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling and marriage therapy
It takes about 45 to 90 minutes for a female’s clitoris and vulva area to become engorged with blood.
Just like a male’s penis becomes hard and erect, a female’s clitoris and vulva area becomes erect, so to speak. It takes longer than it does for a penis, for a female’s body to become sexually aroused. So, if a male partner is using his own body as a gage for her sexual readiness, this is not the best method.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, you can both learn to communicate readiness for oral sex, relax, and have fun being playful.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Past negative experiences makes giving oral sex challenging due to trauma
Also, a previous negative encounter or trauma related to oral sex can create psychological barriers and fears associated with oral sex. When your partner avoids, skips over, and does not give you oral sex, they may have had past sexual trauma. Having their body touched in an unwanted way during their childhood can lead them to avoid oral sex. In couples therapy with an intimacy specialist at Wisdom Within Counseling, you can both learn to talk about sexual trauma openly.
For instance, if your partner experienced molestation, incest, rape, or unwanted touch in their childhood, they may avoid oral sex to this day. To note, sexual abuse experiences can leave a lasting, painful impact. Your romantic partner may have a negative, painful, or abusive association with oral sex.
They may not feel safe talking about this experience at home. But, in couples therapy with a trained sex and intimacy specialist, they may begin to feel safe talking about their past trauma.
When someone shies away or avoids giving oral sex, one of the reasons may be due to past sexual trauma.
As well, you and your partner can learn to work through sexual trauma experiences together. As a strong team, you both can talk about consensual, respectful boundaries around oral sex.
Working with the sex and intimacy specialists at Wisdom Within Counseling can help your partner learn to re-associate the meaning they have around oral sex.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Oral sex can start to mean confidence, positivity, closeness, and be associated with meaningful connection.
Instead of having oral sex be associated with trauma and pain, oral sex can start to have a new meaning through the process of couples therapy.
As well, in their first sexual experience, they may have been made fun of, accused of violating boundaries, or sexually humiliated. Even if their body was not violated in an unwanted way in their childhood, the person they were with at the time may have criticized them or accused them of rape or unwanted touch.
Gaining oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling means creating healthy boundaries to support emotional safety
You and your partner can learn to work through sexual trauma experiences together and build consensual, respectful boundaries around oral sex.
Working with Katie Ziskind and the sex and intimacy specialists can help your partner learn to think of emotional safety in regards to oral sex.
Oral sex can start to feel safe, supported, intentional, and be rooted in meaningful connection.
To note, oral sex do not need to be associated with trauma, confusion, boundary violations, and pain. Instead, oral sex can start to have a new, safe meaning through the process of intimacy counseling and couples therapy.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Cultural or religious upbringings can make giving oral sex difficult due to shame, anxiety, and guilt
Furthermore, your romantic partner may avoid or deny you oral sex because they might have grown up in a strict, conservative environment. In a strict, religious, and conservative environment, your spouse may have learned that oral sex was stigmatized. As well, sex may have been considered taboo in their home growing up. Furthermore, growing up in a strict, conservative, and religious home can lead to sexual anxiety, shame, and guilt. Affection may not have been normalized for your spouse.
Your romantic partner may have never seen their parents kiss or even say, “I love you.” Instead, as a child, your spouse may have seen their parents deny each other physical affection altogether. Their parents never held hands in front of your spouse, when they were growing up.
Your romantic partner may have learned their adolescent and teen sexual urges made them dirty, impure, or unclean.
This association of sex being taboo from religious shame and guilt leads to apprehensions and fears around giving oral sex.
Growing up in a strict, conservative environment can lead your sexual partner to have a negative association between sex and their body.
Your partner may have been told that if they masturbated or self-pleasured, that their palms would grow hair. Fear-based tactics are common in conservative, strict, religious upbringings. As well, your partner may have had to repress their sexual urges in order to fit into their religious community and family system.
Additionally, your partner may have feared being ostracized from their family and religious community due to having sexual urges as a teenagers. So, they learned to repress their sexuality.
Growing up in a strict, conservative, and religious home can lead your romantic partner to have fears around giving oral sex.
Their internal dialogue and narrative may be continuing the sexual repression they face growing up. In marriage counseling and intimacy therapy, you and your partner can talk about how to give your partner a sexual voice.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
After religious shame and guilt, developing a sexual voice is a part of gaining oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling
To note, liberating your partner from religious shame and guilt means giving them a voice. For example, this might mean checking in verbally throughout different sexual experiences. As well, your partner may have gotten in the habit of denying themselves sexual pleasure due to religious shame, guilt, and anxiety.
Growing up in a strict, conservative and religious home, has caused your partner to feel like they don’t get to have a voice sexually. From a young age, they may have been told that their body is their partner’s and they don’t get a voice in the bedroom.
They may have learned from a young age to “keep the peace,” always people please, and say, “yes,” even when sex is painful.
Maybe, sex has become an obligation, a chore, or they see it as their duty.
Instead of having this mindset, marriage counseling can help your partner fully enjoy sex. Through couples therapy and intimacy counseling, your romantic partner can learn to give themselves permission to feel pleasure.
They may need extra reassurance from you that it is acceptable to experience sexual pleasure. To add, your spouse may struggle with feelings of guilt and shame during self-exploration and sexual exploration that therapy can help process.
Certain sexual activities and techniques from couples therapy can help your partner feel sexual pleasure, rather than repressing their sexuality.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Couples therapy with our intimacy specialists can help you and your partner debunk the misinformation you have received growing up due to a strict religious background.
This means breaking away from controlling, strict environments and even taking space from harmful religious communities. There may be a sense of perfectionism and lack of confidence that your romantic partner may need to work through in couples therapy.
Due to religious shame and guilt, your romantic partner may even need to talk about anger they have towards religious leaders in intimacy therapy. As well, your spouse may even have anger at their parents for influencing them from a young age in these strict, anxiety-based, religious, and negative ways.
When your partner has difficulty receiving pleasure they may also have difficulty giving pleasure. Your romantic partner may feel overwhelmed with feelings of religious guilt and shame, which prevent openness around oral sex.
Therefore, in couples therapy, talking about anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame is positive. Healing from religious trauma, shame, guilt, and anxiety takes the help of our sex specialists and intimacy counseling.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, you and your spouse can learn it is normal and acceptable to feel sexual pleasure.
With our sex specialists in intimacy counseling, you can understand the numerous benefits of developing confidence around oral sex.
Working with the intimacy and sex specialists at Wisdom Within Counseling can debunk misinformation, and relieve sexual shame a guilt.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Challenges with communication and unclear expectations can lead to anxiety and an avoidance of oral sex
Lack of open communication between you and your partner can lead to anxiety and an avoidance of oral sex. On that note, intimacy counseling and marriage therapy can help you both talk about your sexual desires. On the topic of sexual desires, your intimacy and sex specialist at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you verbalize your boundaries.
You and your partner may have different comfort levels around sexual activities. Avoiding talking about sex can create uncertainties and lead to negative emotions, tension, conflicts, and concerns.
Develop oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling and couples therapy through communication activities
One way to gain confidence around sex is through doing a, “yes, no, maybe list,” in couples therapy with our section intimacy specialists. Alcohol can be a big topic for many couples.
For instance, you might want to talk about how you feel about having sex under the influence of alcohol. Your partner may want to have a sober experience sexually. It may feel safer to give are receive sober, due to their past sexual trauma experiences. As well, your partner may not want to give or receive oral sex if you are under the influence of alcohol. And, they may not want to engage if they are under the influence of alcohol.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Does the use of alcohol in sexual experiences make you feel frisky, but make your partner feel unsafe?
On the other hand, you may feel more frisky or sexually aroused when drinking alcohol. A single drink of alcohol may help you get in the mood. Therefore, you may feel more sexually open when you are under the influence of alcohol. You may wonder why your partner is avoiding you when you are trying to make out with them and feeling fisky after having a glass of wine.
So, if you are drinking alcohol and come onto your partner in a sexual way, you may face sexual rejection from them. This rejection may be because they feel uncomfortable with you being under the influence of alcohol. If your partner feels unsafe when you are drinking alcohol, couples therapy with our intimacy and sex specialists can help you find positive ways to feel sexually aroused. You can learn to get sexy without needing alcohol.
From intimacy therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling, you can learn to connect sexually together and exchange passionate physical touch without drinking alcohol.
Couples therapy can help you both communicate what helps you feel safe, and be vulnerable, instead of drinking to get in a sexy mood.
If this is not discussed beforehand, there may be a misunderstanding and even an argument. When it comes to sex and drinking alcohol, intimacy counseling and marriage therapy can be a safe place to talk about boundaries. So, if you feel more sexually open when you are under the influence of alcohol, this is helpful to talk about in couples counseling.
Let’s take a look at another example of how communication is necessary for positive, safe, and more pleasurable sexual experiences.
Cross dressing is some thing that many people engage in.
For instance, a male partner dresses up in female lingerie, wears feminine underwear, bras, stockings, dresses, long hair wigs, and make up. This is an enjoyable practice and freeing for a man. And, cross dressing can be a form of sexual expression. However, his partner may be unaware that he takes part in cross dressing. There may be fear of rejection as to why he keeps cross dressing a secret and hidden.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Couples can learn about the benefits of open communication and being vulnerable with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, intimacy therapy and couples therapy can help you and your partner communicate more openly and clearly about your sexuality.
If his partner is unaware that he enjoys cross dressing, and finds out, his partner may feel caught off guard, create more shame, or confused.
As well, his partner may feel angry, blindsided, and even take extreme measures like throwing out all of his cross dressing clothing due to their own religious-based fear and shame. This can lead to humiliation, shame, and embarrassment. Going through a “yes, no, maybe list,” in couples counseling can lay everything out on the table. As well, doing the “yes, no, maybe list” activity opens communication.
Talking about all different components on a, “yes no maybe list,” can be a beautiful part of intimacy counseling.
Working with a sex specialist at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you talk about fetishes, kinks, power dynamics and BDSM. Furthermore, you can talk about all sexual topics. For instance, you can verbalize how you feel about fingering, sex toys, butt plugs, anal sex, foot play, and group sex.
Additionally, you can talk about certain sexual activities like if you like giving hickeys, or if you like receiving hickeys.
To add, there may be different elements of sensation play such as using food, ice cubes, feathers, or even certain textures like latex, leather, or nylons you want to discuss. Additionally, you might want to talk about different elements of your relationship like living together or what it would be like to date long-term.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, our sex and intimacy specialists can help you talk about the benefits of using lube for more pleasurable sex.
Lubricants including water base, silicone based lube can make using sex toys and sex more pleasurable. You get a safe place to talk about when you might use these different types of lubricants.
As well, with your sex and intimacy specialist at Wisdom Within Counseling, you can talk about how often you would like to have sex. For instance, you may like sex once a week, but your partner wants sex daily.
You can talk about the style of relationship or the relationship structure that feels best to you such as a monogamous or an open relationship. Additionally, you can talk about regular STI and STD testing, how you want to avoid pregnancy, or timing around when you would like to have a child together.
Going through a “yes, no, maybe list” with your intimacy specialist and couples therapist helps with opening communication.
Open communication can mean sharing your sexual history and talking about different sexual activities. There may be certain sexual activities that you are comfortable performing, and some you are not. Overall, in couples therapy, you get to talk about giving and receiving a variety of different sexual activities that can be sexually arousing.
However, if you don’t talk improve your communication with our sex and intimacy specialists, you may find yourself in an awkward, uncomfortable, and sexually challenging situation.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, marriage therapy with our sex and intimacy specialists help you share and communicate feelings in advance.
This process of building communication skills sets you up for sexual success. At Wisdom Within Counseling, you get a confidential, comfortable, and calm environment to create a fulfilling sex life.
Body image issues can lead to anxiety, fear, and avoidance of giving oral sex
Furthermore, insecurities your partner has about their body image might hinder them. Body image issues can lead your partner to feel uncomfortable performing oral sex. You can team up and feel a sense of unity when it comes to self-love. Self-love can become a value system for you as a couple.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Couples counseling with our sex and intimacy specialists can help you and your partner accept your bodies as they are.
Our culture puts so much pressure on being a certain shape, size, or wait. Therefore, part of couples counseling involves improving your positive self talk. Furthermore, when struggling with body image issues, your partner can develop positive affirmations to repeat. Your partner can learn to say these to themselves when they start to feel their inner critic come into their mind.
Additionally, your partner can talk to themselves and let themselves know how amazing, smart, sexy, beautiful, handsome, wonderful their body is. You can also compliment your partner’s inner and outer beauty, if they would like this. Developing body gratitude is important.
In couples therapy, you both can start to step away from limiting, self-critical stereotypes that culture and advertisements place on us.
You can let go of fad dieting and learn to eat more real foods. Instead of hiding, feeling anxiety body image, and feeding the inner critic, you can learn to love yourselves.
There is a feedback loop between you and your romantic partner. Both of you need to speak positively about your body shapes. If you are criticizing your body, this can negatively rub off on your partner, leading them to have anxiety. Body image issues can directly impact their ability to give oral sex.
Your partner may find it difficult to initiate sex or give you oral sex because of their body image issues.
Additionally, your romantic partner may struggle with negative thoughts around their looks, body size, and weight. Rather than focusing on their looks, your partner can learn to be proud of their personality and inner beauty. Additionally, you can reassure your partner by letting them know how much you love their body.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
So often, we grow up with negative messages around body shape, body size, and the number on the scale.
Instead of feeding into a self-critical culture, you both can start to follow more self-loving and positive feeds on social media. Instead of going on diets together, you can learn to cook fresh fruits and vegetables and eat from a place of intentional love.
Additionally, you can start to follow people on social media that have a wide view of what an attractive body is. Learn to believe that there’s not just one body shape or weight that is attractive. The Wisdom Within Counseling intimacy and sex specialists can help you both overcome the influences of diet-culture advertisements.
All shapes, sizes, heights, genders, and colors of skin are very attractive.
Start following people that have a body shape like yours. And, focus on body positivity on your social media feed.
Body image and self-esteem issues directly impact your romantic and sexual partner’s willingness to give oral sex.
Believe that you are sexy, hot, and gorgeous just the way you are. Developing oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling and couples therapy means building self-love skills.
To note, be more mindful of how different social media feeds are influencing you and your partner. If you find a video or a feed that makes you or your partner feel self-critical, unfollow them. Be kind to yourself.
Overall, if your partner feels insecure about their body or sexual performance, they may be reluctant to participate in sexual activities that involve vulnerability, such as oral sex.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Health concerns can lead to fears around giving oral sex
Concerns about sexually transmitted infections or hygiene can play a role in your partner’s oral sex fear, anxiety, and apprehension.
For instance, if you and your partner are in an open relationship, ethically non- monogamous relationship, or polyamorous relationship, talking about STI and STD testing is important. To add, talking about STI and STD testing creates a culture of consent. If you both are starting a new relationship with someone, it is completely acceptable to talk about STI and STD testing.
You and your partner should freely and openly talk about STI information.
Notably, your partner may avoid giving you oral sex if you have withheld this info, or haven’t talked about STI testing. Also, if a new partner that you are dating is reluctant to give you this information, that is a red flag.
As well, if either of you feel hesitant to ask one another, working with an intimacy and sex specialist at Wisdom Within Counseling can help with this conversation. Your partner may feel more comfortable giving oral sex to you when they know the last time you were tested and the results of the STI test.
You and your partner can ask each other for the date or even the record of their last STI or STD test to create safety and openness around oral sex.
To add, talking about sexually transmitted infections is an important part of having a healthy, emotionally safe sexual relationship.
This is especially true if in the past, one of your sexual partners gave you an STI. You or your partner may be reluctant to give oral sex due to past experiences of dishonesty.
If you had an experience in the past, where your partner was dishonest, you may need a higher level of reassurance with your current partner.
So, if you are afraid to get an STI, you may avoid giving oral sex. Likewise, if your partner doesn’t know when you were last tested for STI’s, they may avoid giving you oral sex.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Build trust and emotional intimacy to support oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling and couples therapy
Giving oral sex requires a level of trust and emotional intimacy. If there are underlying relationship issues or a lack of emotional connection, it can lead to fears or discomfort.
High conflict fights, yelling, criticism, contempt, explosive anger, resentment, and defensiveness lead to oral sex issues and sexual problems in your marriage.
To add, high conflict fights and negative communication patterns, such as yelling, criticism, contempt, explosive anger, resentment, and defensiveness, can have a significant impact on a marriage, including potential effects on sexual intimacy and oral sex. To add, these negative dynamics can lead to sexual problems in your marriage, that couples therapy can help you stop.
Emotional distance due to criticism, defensiveness, and angry arguments can lead to anxiety around oral sex.
Oral sex is vulnerable and a form of closeness. Therefore, frequent conflicts and negative communication create emotional distance between you and your partner. When emotional closeness and emotional intimacy diminishes, it can also affect physical intimacy. Yelling, criticism, and high conflict fights decrease your partner’s willingness to engage in sexual activities like oral sex.
Loss of trust can play a role in the avoidance of oral sex as a whole. Constant arguing and resentment erode trust between you and your partner can lead to oral sex problems. Without trust, your partner may feel unsafe or unwilling to be vulnerable in the bedroom. Not feeling emotionally safe can impact your partner’s ability to engage in intimate acts, like oral sex.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Stress and anxiety can lead to anxiety, fear, and avoidance of oral sex
High conflict environments can create chronic stress and anxiety for both of you partners.
In addition to negative arguments, your partner may have stress and anxiety from their unpleasant job or a bad work environment. Or, your partner may have stress and anxiety from their relatives, family drama, or parents who are ill. Also, your partner may have stress and anxiety from dealing with parenting, household responsibilities, and even paying bills. Financial stress and anxiety can be very taxing on your relationship. Your partner may feel pressure to “keep the peace,” at home. Conflicts at home can lead to an increase in stress and anxiety.
When your partner has high levels of stress and anxiety, it can be hard for them to relax into a sexual moment with you.
Overall, stress in general can lead to decreased libido and sexual desire. Lack of stress management skills make it more challenging for your partner to engage in sexual activities with you.
Couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling with our intimacy and sex specialists can help you both improve co-regulation skills, breathing skills, and self-soothing strategies.
Gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling and marriage therapy by improving conflict resolution skills
Explosive anger, resentment, yelling, and disconnection can lead to sexual problems and oral sex issues. Prolonged conflicts and negative interactions can lead to built-up resentment and a sense of disconnection between you and your partner. In a high conflict environment, your partner’s desire for sexual openness and sexual intimacy commonly diminishes.
Also, if one or both of you use avoidance as a coping mechanism for dealing with conflict, you both may also avoid sexual intimacy. You may avoid oral sex as a way to prevent potential anger outbursts and conflicts.
Decreased emotional intimacy can result from high conflict fights. Emotional intimacy is required for a great, fulfilling, and passionate sexual bond. Healthy sexual relationships are often built on a foundation of emotional intimacy. High conflict fights and negative communication patterns can erode emotional intimacy. Therefore, if you are arguing in defensive and conflictual ways, yelling will lead to difficulties in your sexual relationship as well.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you manage anxiety and depression to overcome sexual problems.
Plus, constant exposure to negative communication and anger can lead you and your partner to have mental health issues. There may be sleeping issues that impact your sex drive.
Due to unresolved conflict, you may be facing anxiety and depression too. Marriage therapy can help you gain emotional coping tools and positive strategies. Sometimes, an avoidance of oral sex is not always just physical. Part of gaining oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling means building conflict resolution skills.
To address sexual problems and oral sex issues in a marriage impacted by high conflict and negative communication, it is crucial for both partners to work on improving their communication in marriage counseling.
With our sex and intimacy specialists at Wisdom Within Counseling, you can work on building trust and fostering emotional intimacy.
Seeking couples counseling and intimacy therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can be beneficial in addressing underlying relationship issues. When your partner is avoiding giving you oral sex, there may be negative emotions couples therapy can help process.
As well, marriage therapy with an intimacy specialist can help you both in learning healthier ways to communicate and connect. From emotional connection in marriage therapy, you can reduce criticism, yelling, and anger problems. Open and empathetic communication about sexual desires, boundaries, and concerns is essential in rebuilding intimacy.
From open communication you can explore talking about new sex toys, role play, power dynamics, BDSM, blindfolds, dildos, cock rings, and kinks and fetishes.
The team of intimacy and sex specialists at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you find a path towards a healthier and more fulfilling sexual relationship.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Our team at Wisdom Within Counseling approach these sensitive sexual topics with empathy and understanding.
If your spouse has fears or concerns about giving oral sex, the best approach is work with our team of sex and intimacy specialists. At Wisdom Within Counseling, you get a safe place to have an open and non-judgmental conversation together.
Essentially, at Wisdom Within Counseling, our sex specialists offer intimacy counseling and encourage open communication. Also, our couples therapists help you reassure your spouse of the love you have for them. Together, you can work on developing sexual confidence, body acceptance, and set healthy boundaries. Overall, you and your spouse can talk about each other’s sexual comfort levels and boundaries.
From couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling, you can gain respect each other’s feelings. Marriage therapy with our sex and intimacy specialists help you talk about sexual desires in your intimate relationship.
Why won’t my partner give oral?
It can be frustrating, saddening, and confusing when your partner refuses to be sexually intimate with you. And, you want to be close through oral sex with them. Sometimes, there are many pieces to this pizza that a trained, professional couples therapist will need to assess and consider. At Wisdom Within Counseling, our team of marriage therapists and intimacy specialist help couples gain oral sex confidence. Our sex specialists offer intimacy counseling and couples therapy to address the many factors around oral sex hesitation, reluctance, and anxiety.
Emotional, sexual, and physical aspects can be legitimate stumbling blocks. Gaining oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling can help remove these stumbling blocks. At Wisdom Within Counseling, when your partner is refusing or avoiding oral sex, professional marriage therapy help can turn your sex life around.
Building oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling can help you have a deeper, more connected relationship and marriage.
Processing emotions can help you both work together as a united team. You can express your needs, desires, sexual fantasies, and build a closer bond in couples counseling.
With our Wisdom Within Counseling sex specialists in intimacy therapy, you can talk about the root causes of oral sex hesitation and avoidance, and start to feel safe together.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Is giving oral sex important in a relationship?
To note, securely attached partners often express their sexuality to each other through oral sex. When you want to receive oral sex, but your partner refuses to give it, this create tension and emotional pain. Working with the team of couples therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you both incorporate oral sex as playful, loving, and meaningful activity.
You can feel closer and safer by practicing oral sex. As well, with intimacy counseling, you can use oral sex to display your unconditional love each other.
After processing relationship conflict, gaining sexual education, overcoming religious shame and guilt, talking about sexual trauma, and building emotional intimacy, oral sex becomes easier. Many people find oral sex pleasurable, but not until processing the emotional meaning behind it. Some partners are reluctant and hesitant because they lack sexual education, or grew up in a strict, conservative, and religious home.
Gratifying, positive, safe, emotionally intimate, and consensual sexual experiences are good for the health of all genders.
Is oral sex safe between monogamous couples?
If you are monogamous and honest with each other, the risk of contracting STI’s remains very, very low. The only time would be if one partner is cheating, betraying the trust of the other partner, being unfaithful, and not being honest.
When you have been in a past relationship where your partner cheated, couples counseling can foster reassurance and newfound security.
How do you set up and clean up after oral sex?
Step one is to communicate what your expectations are. Take the pressure off orgasming. Put a towel or fuzzy, waterproof blanket down beneath. A female who is receiving oral sex and feeling pleasure may squirt fluid. In order to squirt, a female feels relaxed. If she is holding core muscles due to anxiety about getting the bed or couch soaked, she may not be able to squirt. Squirting can be very pleasurable. But, you’ll want to protect your couch or bed from the squirting.
Before oral sex, make sure your your breath smells good and your mouth is clean. You don’t want to have just eaten food.
Giving a male a blow job and giving a female oral sex can lead to lots of saliva coming up.
Sugar is not good for the vagina area, so don’t eat right before giving your partner oral. Also, you may be leaning over or horizontal giving oral sex. You want to be sure to sit up after eating for proper digestion. When you are leaning over or horizontal giving oral sex, you may feel uncomfortable giving oral sex. If you feel uncomfortable or your body is in pain, speak up, and readjust your position, so you can be more comfortable.
What happens after oral sex to a woman?
After oral sex, the female body may or may not orgasm. With the right partner, a female may feel closer, more connected, and want to cuddle. You can verbally check in after oral sex and talk about the experience. To add, touch, physical contact, and sexual activity increases serotonin and releases oxytocin.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, our sex specialists and intimacy therapists can help you better understand the needs of your partner in aftercare.
Additionally, after care is very important to prevent a drop in these chemicals. Cuddling, eating a snack, showering, bathing, talking, spending quality time together can all be a part of aftercare. After care is essential for positive sexual experiences, beyond the sexual activity of oral sex.
Think of oral sex as 50% and aftercare being the other 50% of a positive, loving, passionate, nurturing, and safe sexual experience.
Giving oral sex and cunnilingus to a female partner
What if oral sex is uncomfortable?
If oral sex is uncomfortable, a female should feel safe speaking up to ask her partner to change what they are doing. Experiences of uncomfortable oral sex and not being with a safe partner can lead to soreness or emotional stress.
As a female, it is acceptable to tell your partner to focus on your clitoris and ask for less or more pressure. Furthermore, you can ask for longer licks, or shorter faster licks. As the receiver of cunnilingus and oral sex, you can ask your partner to keep going and not to stop until you have orgasmed and climaxed.
Cunnilingus can help increase vaginal lubrication and help remedy vaginal dryness, making sex more fun. Oral sex can be fun and pleasurable for both partners, giving and receiving. Tune into your partner’s sounds. You may find yourself getting aroused sexually from how much pleasure your partner is in from your touch. Sexual activity can also end with cunnilingus. So much pressure it put on penis in vagina sex. But, oral sex doesn’t have to lead to vaginal penetration or penetrative sex.
How to give oral sex to a woman?
Sadly, many partners jump right to vaginal and penis penetrative sex, and skip out on oral sex. Oral sex can be very pleasurable and exciting for women to receive, especially when their partner shows enthusiasm. A woman wants to feel desired, special, and wanted.
As well, it can turn a women on more to know that her partner is enjoying giving oral sex. There is a need for mental and emotional presence, rather than rushing to penis in vagina sex. To note, a woman can feel when her partner has their own pleasure in mind and is distracted. Women have a deep sense and are able to tell if her partner is distracted. So, if you are giving oral sex, and you are thinking about something else or not enjoying sexual play, your partner can feel it.
Furthermore, allow foreplay to begin slowly. Don’t make a woman who is receiving oral sex feel rushed.
A female partner may feel pressure to orgasm. She may want to moan, make noise, or be loud. Go the extra mile and compliment your female sexual partner to express herself through sounds. And, take the time to compliment her for being emotionally vulnerable with her noises.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
During oral sex and cunnilingus, compliment her body and give her sexual praise.
Work up to giving oral sex and work to build anticipation and suspense. When it comes to building oral sex confidence, working with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling can help you explore erogenous zones.
Essentially, exploring erogenous zones can build desire, sexual anticipation, and suspense. By exploring erogenous zones, you can help your partner feel excited sexually, wanted, and desired. Erogenous zones include ear lobes, scalp, neck kisses, belly kisses, inner thigh massages, and sucking fingers. When thinking about giving oral sex to a female, begin by kissing her inner wrist, a back massage, and even foot massages.
The female body takes 45-90 minutes to becomes sexually aroused. Also, it takes about 45-90 for a female’s clitoris and vulva to become engorged with blood. Massage and sensual touch can increase circulation and blood flow to her clitoris and vulva. In general, help you female partner feel wanted, desired, and don’t jump right to oral sex.
To give oral sex on a female, start from the outside and working your way in.
You can even touch around the clitoral area before you lose your bottoms. In general, giving oral sex to a female means running your tongue along her labia, and tracing the inner and outer folds of her vulva. Use long, slow licks like you would on an ice cream cone to spark sexual arousal and boost blood flow. You may even feel your clitoris throb as your sexual passion and excitement increases. When giving oral sex and cunnilingus to a female, take the time to get comfortable. You’ll want to give oral sex to a female for 15-20 minutes.
Oral sex and cunnilingus is not a quick, fast-food type of activity. Allow your female partner to savor, soak in, and truly relax into a good 15-20 minutes of receiving oral sex. As you give oral sex to a female, you can ask and verbally communicate is see how she is feeling. Don’t say, “Are you going to orgasm?” as this can put pressure on the outcome. Orgasming is not the required outcome. Instead, allow a toe-curling orgasm to organically unfold from the connection, pleasure, bond, and intimacy.
So many people go too fast, don’t do it for a long enough period of time, and go too hard when it comes to giving cunnilingus.
Take your time to explore all the sweet spots along your female partner’s clitoris. You might level up oral sex by asking your female partner if she’d like you to gently finger her vagina while licking her clitoris. As well, you can level up oral sex by asking your female partner if she wants to wear a butt plug or nipple clamps. Maybe, you take cunnilingus and oral sex to a new environment such as your living room, kitchen, your backyard, or some where outside your bedroom.
As the giver of cunnilingus and oral sex, ask for feedback. Asking for feedback about how your partner feels shows that you care deeply about their emotional and sexual experience. If you want to give your partner the safest, most freeing, and most positive experience, talking together can be positive.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Talk about gag reflexes, insecurities, and fears in couples counseling with your intimacy specialist at Wisdom Within Counseling
Gag reflexes can kick in leading to adverse reactions. Intimacy therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can be a safe place to talk about fears and anxieties around a gag reflex. If you don’t have much experience giving oral sex to a female, you need time and practice to explore what that sensation feels like. When you are new to tasting female ejaculatory fluid, you may be afraid to gag. And, you may feel afraid of what you partner may feel in the moment if you gag.
Also, how to give oral sex to a man?
When you go to give a male oral sex, often called, giving a blow job or giving head, be sure to express excitement and enthusiasm. To note, excitement and enthusiasm in giving builds a man’s excitement and enthusiasm in receiving. A man will feel wanted, desired, and loved, which helps him feel safe, comfortable, intimate, connected, and accepted.
Build anticipation before jumping right to oral sex. Explore the erogenous zones. For instance, kiss your male partner’s belly, inner thighs, and play with their testicles. Kiss their inner thighs.
Remember, the goal of giving a blow job and oral sex to a male partner is not to make them orgasm.
Don’t try to put that pressure on yourself when you give a blow job. If it happens, it happens.
If ejaculation doesn’t happen, it is not necessarily a reflection of your sexual skills. There can be a lot that goes into ejaculation and cuming. Ejaculation is a positive by product of both of you being present, in tune, and caring towards one another sexually.
When you go to give a blow job and oral sex on your male partner, be physically comfortable. For some, this means getting a pillow so your knees are comfy. As the giver, be comfortable with your body and also your boundaries. If you don’t like your male partner to put their hand on your head, then let them know that verbally.
Or, if you would rather have them show you what they like, ask them verbally for that. Communicate your needs as the oral sex giver. Don’t do something that you don’t like in order to be more likable to your partner. So, don’t deep throat unless you enjoy that as the giver.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
Make eye contact with your male partner, which can be a positive way to connect.
Don’t stare into his eyes the entire time. But, do take time to look into his eyes at certain moments. Be conscious of bringing your gaze to their eyes. It can sexually arouse your male partner when you make eye contact with him.
When you are giving your male partner a blowjob, have a glass of water near by. If your mouth is dry due to being on medication or any reason, it can make oral sex uncomfortable for a man to receive. Your saliva will increase, and you want that extra wetness. In addition to using your mouth and sucking on your male partner’s penis, you can use your hands to provide a sensation of tightness. Take the time to connect your hand to your lips and move up and down. Find the right speed that feels good for both of you. More so, move your hand, that is up against your lip, up and down your male partner’s penis.
Some men like to lay down, others like to stand. So, talk with your male partner about what body position feels best for them, as well as you.
While you are giving oral sex to your male partner, you can take a moment to spit on their penis. Extra spit makes it extra wet, and more comfortable. Essentially, extra wetness can lead to a wet spot on the bed or couch. So, before you start giving oral sex and giving head, put a towel or blanket down in advance.
Notably, good blow job requires a lot of saliva and moisture, otherwise friction and chaffing can cause pain. Some men like more suction, and others less, so it is okay to communicate and ask, “How does this feel?”
Explore various oral sex positions with you male partner, which can be fun, sexually exciting and playful.
For one, try giving oral sex in a mirror so you can both see yourselves getting more sexually aroused. You can also take oral sex to the car, for road head. Or, you may give your partner oral sex in the shower or bath tub.
Giving oral sex to your male partner may be fun in a public family-style restroom in an airport, if that is part of his kink. As well, you can try 69ing where you can give and receive oral at the same time. As the pleasure feels good from receiving, you may moan, which adds extra vibrations as you give oral.
Gag reflexes can lead to challenges and hiccups around giving a man oral sex.
You may be unfamiliar with the taste of ejaculatory fluid. It is a unique taste and texture. And, if you have never tasted it before, or not frequently, you may find yourself gagging tasting it. Thinking about the taste can lead to nausea, in extreme cases. So, you can prepare yourself to taste your partner’s ejaculatory fluid and cum, by tasting your own when you masturbate and self-pleasure.
Ask your partner to let you know when they get close to ejaculating and when they are close to cuming. Also, ask them to talk to you before it happens, so you can both be mindful of where it is best for your partner to ejaculate. You may want to have your partner ejaculate in your partner’s mouth. Or, you may want your partner to ejaculate and cum on their belly, your body, on a cloth, or elsewhere.
To begin, click below for a phone consult to gain oral sex confidence with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling.
How does your partner’s mood change after orgasming from oral sex?
All genders of people, all ages, and races can experience mind-blowing orgasms. Orgasming is a practice of mindfulness, connection, and emotional safety. Overall, after orgasming, there are bonding chemical released in the brain. After you both sexually interact, you may feel closer from the positive chemicals after orgasming. Again, after care routines are essential for preventing the drop in oxytocin and dopamine levels. Without after care practices, anger, sadness, tearfulness, irritability, and even arguing can occur after sexual play. As well, without after care, you may feel depression, low energy, anxiety, and even fear of abandonment set in.
Where do the sex and intimacy specialists help distant couples rebuilding sexual desire?
In Florida, we help couples looking to build a healthy sex life in Jacksonville, Miami, Tampa, Orlando, St. Petersburg, Hialeah, Tallahassee, Fort Lauderdale, Port St. Lucie, Cape Coral, Pembroke Pines, Hollywood, Miramar, Gainesville, Coral Springs, Clearwater, Palm Bay, Miami Gardens, Pompano Beach, West Palm Beach, Lakeland, Davie, Miami Beach, Boca Raton, Deltona, Plantation, Sunrise, Palm Coast, Largo, Melbourne, Cape Canaveral, Cocoa, Mims, Viera, Key West, Palm Bay, Fort Myers, Deerfield Beach, Boynton Beach, Lauderhill, Weston, Fort Pierce, Homestead, Kissimmee, Tamarac, Delray Beach, Daytona Beach, Wellington, North Miami, Jupiter, North Port, Coconut Creek, Sanford, Ocala, Margate, and Sarasota.
Also, in Connecticut, Wisdom Within Counseling helps couples gain oral sex confidence in marriage therapy and intimacy counseling in Bridgeport, New Haven, Hartford, Stamford, Waterbury, Norwalk, Danbury, East Lyme, Colchester, Montville, Mystic, Stonington, New Britain, West Hartford, Greenwich, Hamden, Bristol, Meriden, Manchester, West Haven, Milford, Stratford, East Hartford, Middletown, Shelton, Norwich, Torrington, Trumbull, Naugatuck, Manchester, Newington, East Haven, Wethersfield, Vernon, Windsor, Wallingford, Southington, South Windsor, Branford, New Milford, Cheshire, Westport, North Haven, Guilford, Glastonbury, Ridgefield, New London, Niantic, Old Lyme, Clinton, Madison, Thomaston, Seymour, Montville, Ansonia, Wilton, Groton, Brookfield, and Rocky Hill.
Developing oral sex confidence is possible with our sex specialists in intimacy counseling and marriage therapy
