Gottman marriage therapist Katie Ziskind talks about healthy relationships in counseling
On this page, we’re going to talk all about healthy couples, and what healthy couples don’t do. Now, when we think about couples, we’re looking at couples that have been together long term. Different couples notice challenges in different severities. Here, at Wisdom Within Counseling, our team of marriage and family therapists help you build playfulness. You can find positive ways to get your spice back into your sex life. Couples counseling can help you both start to rekindle desire and regain sexual pleasure.
To begin, click the button below to start with a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut
Don’t put your partner down or laugh sarcastically at them.
Healthy couples do not use criticism when talking.
Criticism is when you are putting your partner down. At first, identifying critical tone and language may be confusing or new. Your couples therapist can help you both understand when you are being critical. Using criticism means you are leveling yourself above your partner.
What causes partners to criticism one another?
Criticism frequently happens because one or both of you are frustrated, anxious, or annoyed. Some how, you’re irritated or even insecure, and it comes out as hurting the person you love. When humans are hurt and sad, they may want to tell others in painful ways. So sometimes, partners use criticism when they are just trying to let their partner know how hurt they are feeling. Understandably so, it’s not an effective way to communicate that emotional pain and hurt needs resolution.
How can marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut help me and my spouse?
So, couples counseling in Madison, Connecticut can provide you with techniques for better communication. From learning alternatives to criticism, you can effectively let your partner know that you feel upset. Also, you can learnt share you are distressed and unhappy in a calm way. The team at Wisdom Within Counseling specialize in helping fighting couples feel safe emotionally together.
You can build playfulness into your communication in Madison, Connecticut in couples counseling.
So, due to communicating in a calm way, your marriage therapist can help your partner hear you. Couples can really validate one another emotionally. Holistic marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut provides a sense of togetherness and support. Couples can celebrate newfound unity and hope from removing criticism.
Don’t avoid your spouse if you want a healthy relationship.
Healthy couples make quality time for each other.
Another thing that healthy couples do that unhealthy couples don’t, is they make quality time for each other. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, this can be over video chat or facetime. In person, also make time for one another. For instance, make rituals around connection. Spend 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes at night in person, on video or on FaceTime. Just start laying down together before you both go to work in the morning for spiritual connection.
To begin, click the button below to start with a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut.
What are rituals of connection in holistic marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut?
Well, a ritual of connection supports skills for togetherness and admiration. How do you rejoin after time apart? Do you kiss and hug after not seeing each other all day? Unfortunately, distant, fighting couples forget to even say good morning. Sadly, couples who are unhealthy and can benefit from counseling stop saying, “I love you,” and they stop kissing. There becomes a new normal for distance, roommate syndrome, and tension.
Couples therapists help couples cherish and grow fond of one another through healthy skills.
For instance, connecting via quality time can be having a cup of tea together. Or, showering together, massaging each other’s bodies with lotion, and using touch can be healing. What causes breaks in quality time together as a couple? Commonly, many couples stop making quality time together. They get super busy with child care and parenting along with loss, money issues, trust problems, and anxiety.
Unhealthy couples use defensiveness and anger in communication.
Defensiveness is when you verbally build a brick wall in front of your heart. You’re feeling on protective of yourself. There’s something that’s not going well in the conversation. You feel overwhelmed or attacked, and so you say something really quick. Instead of pushing your lover further away, you can learn alternatives to defensivness. In holistic marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut, taking ownership and responsibility supports healthy relationship. Just taking responsibility for your part can help to validate your partner’s hurt emotions.
Why do couples use defensivness and speak in hurtful ways?
Now, defensiveness is an unhealthy communication style. However, it’s really common when couples feel angry, hurt, or betrayed. So, couples counseling in Southeastern Connecticut helps you know what to do when you feel angry. It’s normal to want to push others away when you are triggered with past memories. Sometimes, severe emotional triggers are a result of childhood trauma or unhealed wounds.
Did you growing up in emotionally abusive or sexually abusive situations where your emotional needs were neglected?
Well, it is normal to feel angry, hurt, and frustrated in your romantic relationship when triggered. These are emotions that began in childhood trauma that never was healed. Survivors of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse may show anger, criticism, and defensivness from that unresolved experience. Things your partner may say triggers those hurt memories from your childhood. Having a holistic couples therapy experience can support healing trauma wounds together. Your partner can learn how to nurture, care, and support you from holistic marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut.
We look at your whole self, you past, present, and your mind, body, and spirit at Wisdom Within Counseling.
To begin, click the button below to start with a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut
In holistic marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut, how is childhood trauma connected to my marriage?
If maybe as a little kid you asked for what you wanted and that wasn’t given to you, that can lead to some anger in adulthood. Childhood trauma can be from having a parent with a mental health issue. If you had to be the parent to your parent as a child, that is trauma. Essentially, if you parent suffers from depression or bipolar, you may have experienced emotional instability.
Parents who are alcoholics can cause childhood trauma
You might have even had a parent who had alcoholism or drug problem or substance use. Childhood trauma leaves a lasting wound. And, these fears, worries, abandonments, and neglectful experiences get re-triggered by romantic bonds. If you grew up in a situation where your emotional needs were not met, and your intense anger is partly from that unresolved experience.
Learning how to communicate that you are triggered can remove defensiveness can improve your romantic relationship.
Working with a marriage and family therapist can also help you look at your past, generational trauma. You can let go of cultural and religious shame in holistic marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut.
Maybe, there’s been a legacy of anger that’s been passed down and it’s been normalized.
In your family, no one has ever learned another way of talking besides using criticism, anger, or yelling. Therefore, Madison, Connecticut holistic couples therapy can be a beautiful way to improve your communication. In relationship therapy, you can learn to talk about your trauma and how you want to grow and heal from childhood pain. Couples therapy helps partners demonstrate reassurance that they are a safe person to goto. And, couples in counseling can start to break the dysfunctional pattern of family conflict. Learning about emotional expression starts to create more positive energy in your romantic relationship.
Healthy couples do is they turn towards each other.
In the Gottman marriage therapy skills, turning towards is a really important skill. Also, a lot of times, couples can learn about this skill quickly. Sometimes, it is one of the first skills couples learn in the process of counseling at Wisdom Within.
What is turning away and how is that damaging to a healthy relationship and marriage?
Turning away is a block to intimacy, a healthy sex life, and healthy communication. Sleeping in separate beds is a form of turning away from your relationship. As well, walking away from your spouse when they are talking creates distance emotionally. Furthermore, simply not caring or comforting your partner when they are sad are signs of an unhealthy relationship. You can improve these unhealthy signs by working with a couples therapy specialist in Madison, Connecticut. In marriage therapy, you can have a safe place to talk about the fear, anger, anxiety, betrayal, or hurt. Often, intense, big emotions prevent couples from turning towards one another.
What is turning towards one another?
So, turning towards is when physically, your body is turned towards your partner. Let’s say your partner is talking to you and you are in another room. To hear them, you find them and get physically with a close range. In a healthy marriage, when you partner talks to, that you would draw you towards them. So, you would leave the room you are in, and walk towards your partner.
Healthy couples may demonstrate touch and get closer to one another to talk.
So, maybe you even hold their hand. That is turning towards and that creates a healthy relationship. Turning towards can simply be turning your knees to touch your partner’s knees. You can start by turning physically toward and turning your body or heart space towards your partner’s heart. So, instead of back-to-back, you’re talking and facing heart to heart.
How can holistic marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut teach couples skills for a healthier relationship?
Turning towards can be answering your partner’s phone calls. To some degree, couples therapists understand life is busy and we have responsibilities. But, when your partner is calling, and instead of snoozing that call, try to answer. If you partner sends you a text message, instead of feeling overwhelmed, or like this is a burden, text them. Show curiosity. Healthy couples speak to one another showing interest about what’s going on in their partner’s life. To add, couples who are healthy show overwhelming joy and curiosity for sharing in relationship to one another.
Turning towards is a healthy skill that couples have and Madison, Connecticut marriage counseling can help you build these skills.
These are skills, just like you learn math and science. Turning towards as a Gottman marriage therapy skill can improve your intimacy. As well, marriage therapy can help you improve your marital satisfaction and sense of pleasure in each other.
Unhealthy couples are afraid to talk about sex.
Last but not least, healthy couples talk about sex in a positive way.
Unhealthy couples and couples in distress where there’s fighting resentment, jealousy, anger, anxiety struggle to talk about sex. Couples may have challenges around sex, but struggle to speak about their sexual needs. Partners may have intimacy issues where one person has a high sex drive, one person has a low sex drive. These sexual dysfunctions may feel awkward or confusing, so couples don’t speak about them. Couples who don’t talk about sex often have resolved sexual frustrations and internalized rejection.
To begin, click the button below to start with a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut
You might want to explore your sex life, sex toys, BDSM, Kink or all these different aspects to your sexual expression.
Holistic couples therapy in Madison, Connecticut can be a safe place to talk about sex and your sexuality. You can talk about sex toys, lube and vaginal wetness, and different things that happen as bodies mature. Sex drive and sexual desire can change across the lifespan. Marriage counseling can be a playful place to talk about your erogenous zones where on your body you like being kissed.
Your couples therapist can give you couples therapy homework to support erotic desire.
Marriage counseling in Southeastern Connecticut can give you a place to share what parts of your partner’s body you find incredibly attractive. You can talk about what parts of your sexual life are needing repair. Then, your marriage therapist can give you homework to gain playfulness together at home.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, we’re a sex positive practice.
Meaning, you can come to therapy with sexual questions, concerns, issues and we can work through them together. In turn, open communication promotes a more intimate, passionate marriage.
How do sex issues start in a marriage?
A lot of times, sex issues have both physical and emotional components. Looking at that emotional side, fears come up frequently. For instance, if you have a fear of sexual failure or anxiety about your sexual performance, that gets in the way. Furthermore, if you worry that you won’t be able to please your partner well enough or good enough, that are valid emotions.
Couples therapy can help with working through these fear and shame based beliefs and building sexual confidence.
As well, these are all beautiful things to bring to couples therapy and to work on together. And, you will notice by talking about your intimate, sex life, you’ll build more confidence.
To begin, click the button below to start with a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy in Madison, Connecticut.
Wisdom Within Counseling helps couples gain meaningful connection and clarity.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, we would love to help you if you’re experiencing sexual tension or challenges with communication. If you feel distress and arguments in your relationship, Gottman therapy skills can help you shift to the positive. From Madison, Connecticut couples therapy, you can really get to the root of these issues. Understanding the pain and influence of childhood trauma is part of marriage counseling. Our job as your holistic marriage therapist is to encourage playfulness and encourage meaningful connection.
You gain Gottman marital therapy skills to rekindle desire and ignite that passion that you deserve.
LGBTQIA+ affirming marriage therapy
Our marriage and family therapists offer an LGBTQIA+, transgender, queer, asexual, bisexual, lesbian, pansexual, non-binary, gay, same sex couples, open marriage, consensual polyamory affirming approach.
Start in couples counseling today.
Wisdom Within Counseling has therapy offices in person in Niantic, Connecticut and offer video counseling. Also, we have locations in Florida along the Space Coast in Melbourne, Florida. No matter how far you are, we offer video counseling over telehealth and in person appointments.
Katie Ziskind, the owner of Wisdom Within Counseling, and her team of therapists, would love to help you build the relationship of your dreams.
