Written by Courtney Littlewood, child and teen therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling in Niantic, Connecticut. Courtney loves working with anxious children, distant teens, and young adults who have been through trauma. In addition to using creative art therapies in her work, she also specializes in eating disorder recovery. As a teen eating disorder specialist, Courtney enjoys helping teenagers and young adults learn positive coping skills to live with confidence and positive self-esteem. Read more about Courtney, here.
Does my child have an eating disorder?
Many teens are at risk for developing an eating disorder. As a proactive parent, it is important to know what to look for if you are concerned that your teenager has an abnormal or unhealthy relationship with food. As an eating disorder specialist, I know that society has depicted eating disorders as strictly starving oneself, binge eating, or self-induced vomiting. Although these are accurate signs of an eating disorder, there are many other signs that go unnoticed.
Furthermore, there are many markers that indicate a child or teen is in trouble. But the problem is, these aren’t ever discussed or explained to teens, their caregivers or other influential adults in their lives. In this blog, I provide an overview of lesser known signs of an eating disorder. Additionally, you will learn about common co-occurring behaviors, become aware of how a teen may respond if confronted, and what NOT to say to your struggling teen.
Well-known signs of an eating disorder:
Weight loss, vomiting, and weight gain are some typical signs your teen has an eating disorder. But you may see signs of an eating disorder that aren’t so obvious. Often, teens will show you what they need through negative self-harming behaviors.
Less commonly discussed signs of an eating disorder:
Some teens struggling with the eating disorder, anorexia, pick and nibble at their food, eat extremely slowly, take tiny bites and/or soak solid foods in liquid before consuming. Your son or daughter may cut their food into very tiny pieces. And yes- you heard right- both men and women can equally be impacted by eating disorders. Teens with anorexia may also take part in extreme exercising, keep an itemized log of food eaten, count calories or carbs, and often avoid restaurants.
Signs of an eating disorder, from your local Niantic eating disorder specialist
In addition, having rigid eating patterns (I.e. limited # of foods child will eat), having structured routines surrounding preparing and eating meals (I.e. must engage in ritual of making their own salad as opposed to allowing parent to make it or buying one), and displaying distraught responses to being unable to engage in structured routines or rituals regarding food are definite signs of an eating disorder.
What does eating disorder behavior look like?
Many people with eating disorders want to eat alone or in private. Individuals with eating disorders often have a distorted perception of their own size or shape, a clinical condition known as body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia may cause an individual to look down at their toothpick legs and see tree trunks. When they look in the mirror their brain perceives their image as physically larger than it realistically is. At Wisdom Within Counseling, therapists use evidence-based treatment interventions and exercises designed to help combat body dysmorphia.
Often, body builders, extreme athletes, and those who compulsively exercise, tend to develop eating disorders. It is not uncommon for individuals training for beauty pageants or other competitive event, to develop unhealthy eating patterns involving deprivation of center food groups or nutrients, restricting and/or consequent binge eating.
Broken blood vessels around your teen’s mouth are a sign of throwing up, binge eating, and purging. It may be difficult to comprehend some of these behaviors. Why would someone eat an entire box of doughnuts, only to vomit it all up only moments later? For individuals with eating disorders, the goal of this particular behavior is in seeking the enjoyment that tasting delicious food gives you without allowing your body to absorb any of the fats, carbs, or calories. Immediate purging prevents your stomach from breaking down the food and creating into the fuel that the body needs to function properly.
Additionally, be mindful of children reporting jaw pain, headaches, and frequent use of laxatives as signs of disordered eating.
Self -Harm, Eating Disorders, and Holistic Counseling in Niantic
Common co-occurring behaviors in teens who have eating disorders include self-harm (cutting, burning, scratching) and suicidal ideation. These are all signs that your teenager deeply and immediately needs professional therapeutic support. Depression, panic attacks, agitation, and moodiness often can go hand in hand with eating disorders and should not be dismissed as “typical teenage behavior”.
How will my child respond if I confront them about their eating disorder?
Many individuals with eating disorders maintain a sense of denial because admitting that their need to be in control of their diet has spun out of control, can feel very shameful. When confronted, a teen may become agitated, defensive or even say hurtful, hateful things towards you. Your teen may place blame or flip the focus back to you as a means of avoiding the focus being on them. Some teens with eating disorders may not become aggressive or angry, but instead, avoid the topic altogether or become tearful when the topic of having an eating disorder is brought up.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, in Niantic, I specialize with teens struggling with eating disorders. I love helping teens learn to love themselves, learn positive self-image and coping skills. Call or text to get your teen with an eating disorder started in holistic counseling (860)-451-9364.
What Not To Say or Do When Your Teen Has An Eating Disorder
–Place blame or shame teen (I.e. Why are you doing this to me?” “You know better than to starve yourself”)
–Force or coercion to change– Although as a protective and worried parent it may be your strong instinct to try and force your child to receive treatment, remember this: no child will achieve lasting change unless they are ready, invested and committed. Be mindful that eating disorders are about needing to feel in control; stripping your child of that sense or illusion of control may result in increased resistance
–Make negative statements (I.e. “You’ll never change” or “You’re crazy if you think you’re fat”)
–Accuse child of attention seeking
What You Should Say or Do When It Comes To Talking To Your Child About Their Eating Disorder
First and foremost, agree that you don’t understand what they’re going through, but you want to. Secondly, be available to listen whenever they feel comfortable sharing. And third, show that you have hope for the future.
Remember, don’t take it personally if your teen lashes out and be mindful that they are hurting and misdirecting their frustration or anger at their eating disorder, at you. Moreover, model that it is okay to show emotions. Although it may feel inappropriate, it’s okay to allow your child to see you cry. Not with the intent of a guilt trip but as a way to convey that you too, feel powerless over their disease and that they are not alone in their pain. If a teen feels that they’re not alone, they will be more likely to ask for help, accept their struggle as a disease, and regain hope for a better future.
In holistic counseling session at Wisdom Within Counseling in Niantic, the team of professional therapists work together to help your family unit function better. Parent support sessions are often used in conjunction with individual teen therapy sessions to support your teen’s recovery.
Seek help for yourself a a parent
Ultimately, watching a loved one slip away to the clutches of an eating disorder is a very painful and emotionally draining experience. You may feel helpless or powerless as a bystander witnessing your child’s decline in health. But don’t despair- there is hope! We offer unique and different approaches to counseling including art, yoga, music, animal, and outdoor therapies that teach positive coping skills to teens. Wisdom Within Counseling in Niantic, Connecticut is here to help you and your family live the life you deserve, free from the shackles of an eating disorder!
