Any relationship can start off passionate, filled with desire, and romantic. However, after stresses of parenting, trauma, loss, and stress around work, any relationship will suffer. In early months, what was making your heart happy was good sex. Now, you wonder how your relationship has become sexless. Some couples are perfectly happy without sex in their marriage. However, some couples deeply crave touch, affection, and sex. If you want support rebuilding passion, intimacy, and desire, Wisdom Within Counseling can help. Bring back the joy, touch, and intimacy in your sexless marriage by working with the team at Wisdom Within Counseling. We specialize with distant couples.
To begin, click the pink button below for professional marriage counseling to improve your sexless marriage.
When sex becomes a problem in your relationship, seeking a relationship therapy to be a great way to understand how to fix it from a holistic, emotionally intimate perspective.
Also, a lot of couples live in shame when they don’t have an intimate sex life. So, the first step is to reach out for professional help. You might feel exhausted from talking about this all by yourselves or you lonely in your marriage. On that note, couples therapy can help understand if sexual issues are from self-esteem and body image issues. As well, marriage therapy can help you understand how to take accountability for different emotions. For instance, loss, grief, depression, anxiety, betrayal, and trust are important. And, talking about emotions together creates security that plays a role in good sex. Lastly, LGBTQIA+, sexuality, gender identity, and gender expressing might be playing a role in sexual expression in the relationship.
As well, if the passion is gone, working with a holistic couples therapist who is trained to help bring passion back can help you both have sex more smoothly.
Often, stress at work, drinking too much alcohol, and financial stress make it hard to have sex. And, with more stress, sex becomes harder and harder. So, to have good sex in a relationship, an environment of compassion and low stress if essential. Also, people may be impacted form a PTSD or sexual trauma event in the past that is unresolved. If one person in a relationship doesn’t want to have sex, the other person might doubt their attractiveness as well.
How do sex problems start?
Often times, sexless couples will argue about the quality of sex and length of sex. And, couples don’t know how to talk about sex and intimacy in a non-critical way. Many times, couples with a sexless marriage have said hurtful things. Sometimes, a person judges their partner’s sexual experiences. Or, a person criticizes their partner, or compares their partner to a past sexual partner that they had. Any criticism around sex can lead to lessened sexual satisfaction. So, sex may have stopped because there are too many challenges or criticisms around it. With the help of holistic couples therapy, you can learn to enjoy sexual experiences with your long-term romantic partner. Furthermore, there are many additional issues that impact a low sex drive in a relationship.
Too bright of lighting creates more stress rather than intimacy
As well, in your bedroom, learn to understand how lighting affects the mood. If you are getting in a sexy mood, having fluorescent bright lights on overhead increases stress hormones. And, that will be the opposite effect of what you were looking for in a relaxing sexual experience. If light is too bright in your bedroom, it is hard to relax and feel close. Bright lights create a feeling of scrutiny and decrease oxytocin. Oxytocin is essential to good sex, which is your cuddle hormone. To promote oxytocin, focus on having low lights around. For instance, have Himalayan salt lamps, and candles lit around your room to promote soft lighting. Lastly, focus on calm lighting to improve a sexless marriage.
To begin, click the pink button below for holistic marriage counseling to improve your sexless marriage.
Clutter in the bedroom leads to low sex drive
Also, any clutter in your bedroom, or the place where you plan to have sex, will dampen the mood. If you have a sexless marriage, take a look at your bedroom and make a point to organize it. Simply put, organizing your bedroom can improve sex in a sexless marriage. If there are dirty clothes piled up, that can create a sexless marriage. Also, looking at family photos can make it hard to feel sexy. So, put family photos away. As well, clutter all over the place makes it really hard to have a good sex life.
Essentially, having a clean and organized bedroom helps improve your sex life.
It might be hard to think about getting sexual when you look around and see chores. Essentially, it is hard for your mind to relax when you see all that needs to be done like laundry. So, to improve your sex life and start to have more passionate marriage, give your bedroom a cleaning.
Bed smells can lead to a sexless marriage
In addition, if there are negative or bad smells around, it will hard to be romantic. Getting romantic means smelling things that turn you on. For instance, smelling dirty laundry is not going be a good smell for being sexual. Sometimes, people don’t want any smells at all and want to smell each other. If a partner has too strong of a cologne, this might be a turn off for someone who is more sensitive or has a sensory processing disorder. So, speak with your partner about what smells help you feel relaxed and safe. As well, if you have a history of trauma, certain smells might be tied to a trauma response, and therefore lead to unpleasant, negative memories. So, to improve your sexual energy and passion, focus on having a nice scent like a candle burning.
Children in the bed cause a sexless marriage
Furthermore, another reason why sexless couples don’t have sex is that their children are in their bed all the time. So, if you are bringing your children into your bed, that is okay if they are having a nightmare. Comforting children in the middle of the night when they are crying is a great thing to do as a parent. However, this means that you might need to set aside and schedule a time to have sex with your romantic partner. Put sex on your calendar for when your children are not in the bed. Also, you can set aside time where a babysitter watch your children and you and your partner get time alone in your bedroom together. Essentially, having sex is about private time with healthy boundaries.
Sharing too many emotional experiences with parents, friends, and others outside the marriage
Also, a sexless marriage may be because one is over sharing with others. Often, a person will share personal memories and emotions with someone who is not their spouse. When a relationship get stressful or life gets chaotic, it is essential that couples speak to each other. Couples who have a healthy sex life make time to connect together. When a person shares emotional experiences with their parents, friends, or others outside of the marriage, this lowers sex drive. Overall, emotionally getting closer to other people means that you are getting distant from your spouse. So, relationship therapy and marriage counseling can help you develop emotional intimacy and learn to confide in each other again. Emotional intimacy is the foundation for a healthy passionate sex in any marriage.
Prescription medications can dampen desire
Plus, prescription medication can play a role in sexual libido and the ability to get an erection. So, some prescription medications reduce vaginal wetness and can create erectile dysfunction. As well, prescription medications may have side effects like tiredness, depression, and may impact sexual energy in a relationship. Working with a relationship therapist and marriage counselor can provide you playful ways to build touch into your relationship. And, you can be close and living by going beyond just having sex. You can learn to give each other back rubs or foot rubs. Overall, you can build intimacy in other ways if sex is not working due to medication.
Too many processed foods, stress, and too much alcohol
In holistic marriage counseling, we look at the whole person. At Wisdom Within Counseling, we help you understand your body, your mind, and your spirit. And, you learn about self-care while gaining healthier, nurturing lifestyle choices. So, if you are eating processed foods, and stressed out, it is hard for your body to make sex hormones. So, living a high stress lifestyle and being constantly frustrated by work, makes your body unable to prioritize sex hormones. And, if you are drinking too much alcohol, you might have a sexless marriage. Essentially, too much alcohol, using drugs, and eating processed foods are negative. Plus, add those on top of having a stressful life, and all that decreases your sex drive.
How do sex hormones work anyway?
Every day, your body makes a certain amount of hormones. Now, if you are stressing out a lot, your body will decrease the sex drive and increase the stress response. So, your body will pull energy from your sex drive hormones and stores in order to help you reduce stress. So, if you are in a high stress job, it might be helpful to think about reducing the hours you work, working less, or changing jobs.
To begin, click the pink button below for counseling to improve your sexless marriage and support playfulness.
As well, if you are eating a lot of processed foods, your sex drive may be low.
Try eating more organic, fruits and vegetables, local meat, and going to your local farmers market, which can help improve your sex drive.
Now, it might be funny to think that food, stress, and alcohol play a role in sexual drive and desire, but they do. If you have too much alcohol in your system, you might be unable to act in a sexually passionate way. Also, too much caffeine can play a role in low sex drive. And, you might come off to your partner as sloppy. Too much alcohol can also lead to depression which plays a role in low sex drive and a sexless marriage.
How can Wisdom Within Counseling help couples have a healthy, passionate sex life?
If you have a sexless marriage and are looking for a more passionate love life, working with one of the holistic marriage counselors and Niantic, Connecticut would be great for you. Essentially, it can be hard to cope when the passion in your marriage decreases. However, working with a therapist can help you communicate what your needs are to your partner.
You can have a safe place to work out the underlying problems and whether your sexless marriage is emotional intimacy or physical.
As well, in an early relationship, sexual energy can feel so easy and natural. However, five years into a marriage, sex takes a little bit more work. However, with the help of a couples therapist, socks and tights can feel just as exciting and loving as it did in the beginning. Couples Therapy and relationship counseling can help you talk more openly about your sexual orientation and develop a fulfilling sex life.
