In a relationship where there is emotional, psychological, or physical abuse, a trauma bond may form. Often times, trauma bonds begin in childhood where a parent abandoned a child or traumatized your spouse. Perhaps, your spouse or your partner had a neglectful parent who abandoned them. In childhood, feelings of anxious attachment or abandonment create deep shame and guilt. For a little child, they might feel jealous of a parent who is spending more time with a new romantic partner. A child might feel abandoned if their parent ditches them. This child becomes your abusive spouse.
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What is a trauma bond?
Trauma bonds start in childhood with attachment trauma
As well, a child who grows up with abandonment and neglect learns that their life is filled with fear. And, they never have their feelings validated. A child learns that they should take care of others and stuff all of their feelings away. When a parent abandons a child, a child doesn’t feel safe, and often waits for the parent to hurt them again. That hurt could be sexual abuse, physical abuse, or psychological abuse. A young child may develop anxiety, depression, and even have trouble making friends if a parent causes abandonment and trauma.
How does childhood trauma relate to a trauma bond and PTSD therapy?
Now, in adulthood, a person grows up to be overly care taking, sensitive, and attract a partner who is abusive. In a trauma bond, their romantic partner will betray them, and will not be able to be consistent emotionally. As well, in your romantic relationship in adulthood, your partner will probably be hurting you again and again in a trauma bond.
A trauma bond has four cycles.
In a trauma bond, there are moments of calm, joy, love, and passion. As well, a trauma bond creates a sense of insecurity, low self-worth, low self-esteem, fearfulness, and emotional insanity.
Working with a PTSD therapist who truly understands abandonment and trauma and childhood can help you understand your romantic relationships in adulthood.
What are symptoms of being in a trauma bond?
If you are in a trauma bond, you will probably be experiencing explosive anger within yourself, or your partner will be exploding on you. So, if your partner has anger issues, is emotionally unstable, or comes from a dysfunctional family, they may be controlling you in a traumatic way.
Your partner might be using verbal abuse, name-calling, or blame to get their way.
In childhood, if your romantic partner experienced abandonment, and anxious attachment to a parent, or trauma, they might find it really challenging to trust you as their partner. Then, they will try to control you and exert power in abusive behaviors. Now, if your spouse was traumatized sexually, emotionally, or physically, they become emotionally abusive like their parent was to them. Now, you have married this person and feel scared, afraid, concerned, and helpless around them. You question if you should continue in your marriage because you feel your partner is abusive. Lastly, in a trauma bond, you might feel like your reality is distorted due to being with an abusive adult.
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The person you are with might be denying that they have hurt you and not validating your emotions.
Often times, adults who find themselves in trauma bonds were in a traumatic relationship in childhood with a parent.
As well, if your partner experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, or psychological abuse in childhood, they are much more likely to abuse you in your romantic relationship in adulthood. Plus, people who experience trauma bonds may feel highly reactive, anxious, and think negatively. Furthermore, victims in trauma bonds blame themselves, and have trouble relaxing and feeling safe at home.
A trauma bond is an attachment that relates to hurt and betrayal.
If your spouse hurts you and betrays you, they may apologize or ask for remorse. However, even though your spouse apologies, they soon hurt you again or betray you again. To add, things that make trauma bonds really difficult to break include a longing for it to be better. But, the person never changes. Also, a victim of emotional, sexual, or psychological abuse often feels loyal to their abuser in the trauma bond, even though it is painful emotionally staying.
Thrill seeking
As an adult, people who grew up in fights, flights, or freeze trauma responses may take part in more high risk, thrill seeking behaviors. For instance, people with PTSD may do race car driving or have addictive behaviors like drug use. Often times, people with a trauma history have a difficult time being alone, and often use drugs like cocaine or amphetamines or these high risk activities.
Sometimes, people who have a history of trauma in childhood seek high-risk sexual behaviors.
Also, these behaviors can make a marriage very challenging. In PTSD therapy, you can learn about your partner’s thrill seeking behaviors and how they impact you. Often, thrill seeking behavior has a connection to trauma bonds in childhood. Furthermore, a person with PTSD may take part in prostitution. Or, a person with trauma may have sex with multiple partners. In childhood, there was no sense of safety or security. So, in adulthood, it might feel normal to live a dangerous life or a risky life.
To begin, click the pink button below to gain positive coping tools for healing from emotional, physical, or sexual abuse holistically.
In a trauma bond, if you are a victim, you will often be asked to keep secrets that perpetuate dysfunction and abuse.
As well, in a trauma bond in adulthood, you might find yourself moving closer emotionally to someone who is destructive or hurts you. They may say sorry and you want to believe them. You might ask them to stop hurting you, but they don’t want to have that conversation with you. A person who behaves in an abusive way does not believe they are abusive. Additionally, in a trauma bond, adults frequently get into high conflict, angry, repetitive, and destructive fights. Notably, these fights only create more hurt and betrayal. In your marriage, there might be a mixture of lying, covering up lies, angrily defending, or over explaining. Conversations in trauma bonds get nowhere and are incredibly painful and endless.
However, in a trauma bond, despite the emotional turmoil and anger, there are times of peace.
Partly, these good times are what makes trauma bond so difficult to break. During the good times, a sexual abuser, physical abuser, or psychological abuse her will often give fake apologies. And, an abuser will give large, expensive gifts to their victim. These gifts are to make the victim need and want their abuser.
Essentially, in a trauma bond, gift giving after explosive abuse is called love bombing.
An abusive person wants to exert power over you, so they might buy you a brand new car. Or, they may give you an expensive gym membership, or even buy you a gold bracelet. Notably, these gifts come after an explosive, abusive incident. Often times, victims brush away their own emotions of hurt and betrayal due to these large expensive gifts. Victims start to push away their own emotional wounded-ness and live in a state of self-destructive denial of the abuse.
A victim tends to remain very loyal to their abuser.
Commonly, a victim feels they feel that it is their fault for their abuser’s destructive behavior. In reality, working with a therapist who specializes in complex post traumatic stress disorder, you learn abusive is not your fault. Also, understanding trauma bonds can help you know that you are not to blame. Victims are not to blame for the abusive dangerous and explosive abusive behavior.
If you are a victim of abuse, recognize that you do not have to be loyal to someone who is abusive. Learning about trauma bonds, narcissism, and power in relationships can help you overcome self-destructive denial. Also, accepting that you are a victim and accepting that your partner is abusive can help you separate and heal.
In what types of relationships do trauma bonds form?
Anytime there is a power difference, a trauma bond conform. Especially, when one or both people have a childhood history of abuse, a trauma bond is more likely to form. In situations of domestic violence, trauma bonds are very clear. Domestic violence doesn’t just have to be physical abuse. Often, domestic violence includes emotional manipulation, gaslighting, love bombing, and constant lying in denial.
Emotional abuse is often overlooked and physical abuse is more noticed.
Another relationship where a trauma bond is likely to occur is exploitation in the workplace, related to religious abuse, around addictions and drugs, and sex trafficking. Incest and sexual child abuse are forms of trauma bonds. Even if two children are sexually abusing each other, this forms a trauma bond.
As well, a trauma bond may form between someone who is very young and dating someone who is 20 to 30 years older, where there is an age difference. This creates an unhealthy power dynamic. If there is violence in your relationship on an emotional or physical level, you are probably in a trauma bond. Seeking counseling can help you free yourself and learn you deserve respect.
To begin, click the pink button below to build self-love tools and start your PTSD recovery.
Understanding the symptoms of trauma bonds
In a relationship where you are being sexually, physically, or psychologically abused regularly, you will be in a trauma bond. A victim develop post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. For instance, if you were sexually abused as a child, you are much more likely to end up in a dysfunctional relationship as an adult. In your body, you might notice PTSD flashbacks, trouble with nightmares, issues concentrating, anxiety, and even impulsive behaviors. It might be very hard to accept that you are in an abusive romantic relationship.
So, victims of abuse may be numbing out or using drugs or alcohol to push away feelings.
As well, people who are in a relationship where there is emotional abuse, neglect, and dysfunction often experience trauma responses regularly. You might be living in a state of reactivity, not knowing when your romantic partner will abuse you next, lie to you next, or cause another traumatic event. Growing up in a dysfunctional, conflictual home as a child trains your body and your brain to live in fight, flight, or freeze.
Symptoms of PTSD and trauma including eating disorders, binge eating, oversleeping, avoiding work, or even becoming a workaholic and getting lost in work.
Often times, people who have negative trauma symptoms might stay awake all night, play video games in excess. As well, they may be preoccupied with food, sex, and body image issues, and be blocking out feelings of trauma. Also, addiction and alcoholism is very common in people who have a history of childhood trauma.
Fight, flight, and freeze are your body’s trauma responses.
On that note, living in a states of abuse and abandonment puts your body in fights, flight, and freeze perpetually. Therefore, this trauma state leads to a sense of shame and guilt for wanting to leave. Stress from living in a dysfunctional home can lead to PTSD. And, being in a romantic relationship that is a trauma bond takes a toll on your body and mind. You might find yourself depressed, smiling less often, or even short tempered. Also, you might not realize that your nightmares are related to being in a sexually, physically, or psychologically abusive relationship.
How to begin to free yourself from a trauma bond and heal from PTSD through therapy?
First off, reading this article and educating yourself on a trauma bond and abandonment is a good start. Learning about trauma bond is a great way to gain awareness. To create peace in your house, you might be numbing out and living from a state of fight, flight, or freeze. You might feel like your home is not a safe environment. And, you may feel that it is really risky to voice your feelings. As well, you might feel like your marriage is emotionally dangerous, physically violent, or you risk being emotionally injured.
To begin, click the pink button below to gain positive coping tools for breaking trauma bonds and building confidence.
Working with a therapist can help you gain clarity if you are trying to stay, leave your relationship, or separate.
More over, a therapist who specializes with PTSD and trauma can help you learn mind-body techniques for relaxation. From building a self-care toolbox, your trauma therapist can help you feel stronger and more courageous. Then, you can to recognize that you can leave the relationship if you want. You may have experienced a negative sexual experience in a trauma bond. In trauma therapy, you can talk about how you are be afraid to get intimate again. After being in a trauma bond, therapy helps you regain confidence.
From working with a holistic therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling, you can learn skills like that stopping strategies.
As well, you can learn guided meditation, and deep muscle relaxation. Attending therapy in person can give you a safe space outside of your dysfunctional home environment where abuse occurs. In your therapist’s office, you can talk about what it feels like to be away from your abusive spouse or partner. As well, you can start to build a self-care toolbox and talk about journaling with your therapist. Your therapist, who specializes in trauma bonds and PTSD, can help you understand that violence and emotional abuse is not your fault. You and your therapist can work together to find skills that you can use outside of session to calm your self if you recognize a PTSD flashback coming.
What are PTSD and trauma coping tools?
You can learn to take a warm shower, count to 100, think of a peaceful, safe place, and take positive steps towards your goals. Often times, people in trauma bonds feel so much shame and guilt for being abused that they do not know how to ask for help. Speaking with your PTSD therapist can help you learn that asking for help is a sign of strength and courage. If you come from a home where are you experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse or psychological abuse, you are not alone. It is really common for people who experience trauma in childhood to have trauma in adulthood and their romantic relationship.
Your childhood home may have had extreme danger, risk, violence, or emotional abuse.
Working with a therapist who specializes in trauma bonds and emotional abuse can help you develop trauma coping tools.
As well, you can receive encouragement to go to AA or a 12 step program for additional support outside of therapy. From working with your PTSD therapist, you can more quickly notice when you want to normal, or block out challenging emotions.
To begin, click the pink button below to gain positive coping tools for breaking trauma bonds.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, we can help you find a sense of peace within your body again.
We specialize in complex trauma. If you have ever felt out of control in your romantic relationship, our team specializes with these issues. Also, a sense of panic related to your relationship, seek help today.
We offer you creative arts, yoga therapies, music therapies, walking therapies.
And you can choose from a variety of holistic counseling methods for trauma recovery. You can slowly stop impulsive behaviors and learn how to reach out and practice self-care. As well, art therapy is a creative therapy is provides a language beyond words to release feelings. It might be really hard to talk about being in an abusive relationship. So, in therapy, it is okay to let yourself cry.
Your PTSD therapist can help you notice and challenge negative thoughts when they do arise.
In addition, your therapist can help you find creative outlets like writing, poetry, or hula hooping as a hobby. Exiting a traumatic relationship is all about redefining your identity and getting back in touch with yourself. Right now, it might feel like you are anxious and overwhelmed. It is normal to feel like you don’t know who you are anymore after being in a trauma bond.
You can become more aware and intuitive about dealing with uncomfortable feelings and tolerating distress.
From trauma therapy, you can develop a sense of relaxation. So, from the inside out and learn how to truly calm your nerves. Now, for many people, leaving a relationship is the only way to break free of a trauma bonds. Then, by working with a PTSD specialist, you can slow down your mind. Gaining confidence takes time after trauma.
Additionally, you can truly reflect on the type of positive relationship you want.
Trauma and PTSD therapy helps you love yourself first and foremost.
Overall, the team at Wisdom Within Counseling specialize in complex trauma and trauma bonds.
You can gain a sense of confidence and clarity back from working with a trauma therapist. Wisdom Within Counseling offers holistic approaches to help you build peace from the inside out after trauma.
