Are you struggling to conceive and feel that you are letting your partner down? Do you feel frustrated because your body is not doing what you expect it to? Maybe you just learned that you are infertile and are experiencing an influx of emotions. In general, infertility is not being able to get pregnant or conceive after one year or longer of unprotected sex. The topic of infertility is taboo in today’s society. Moreover, infertility can give rise to feelings of shame, embarrassment, disappointment, and decreased self-esteem among men and women. Additionally, infertility may lead to what feels like a dead-end in your marriage. If you are experiencing any of these complications, know that you are not alone and there are ways of coping.
To begin to receive support around infertility, book your free phone consult and get matched with a couples therapist.
Infertility Among Women
For a woman, infertility can feel like a major roadblock in life. Many women feel that it is their life’s purpose to raise biological children. Learning that you are infertile as a woman can be a deeply distressing and heart wrenching experience. Women often experience praise for being able to bear children. A woman who is infertile, however, may feel as though she is deprived of this opportunity. As a result, this can lead to feelings of worthlessness and self-blame.
There is pressure upon women to bring children into the world. It is common to have friends or family members that ask, “So when are you going to have a baby?” Questions along this nature can trigger a woman and generate feelings of embarrassment. However, women can respond to such statements in a way that makes them feel comfortable and empowered.For example, this can look like explaining that it’s personal, changing the subject, responding with humor, being honest, or letting your partner handle it. It is okay to set clear boundaries around this topic of conversation. After all, it is no one’s business except the couples’.
Infertility Among Men
It is common to think of infertility as just a woman’s condition. However, this is not the case. It is equally important to raise awareness of infertility among men. Similar to the feelings women experience, men too may feel embarrassed and discouraged upon learning of their infertility. For instance, a man may fear that he is letting his female partner or spouse down. This can lead to increased feelings of guilt or inner turmoil that a man may struggle to cope with. Men also may feel embarrassed, hopeless, and feelings of worthlessness. For these reasons, it is important to normalize conversations of infertility among men, too.
How Infertility Can Impact Your Relationship
Infertile couples face a range of emotions and stressors together. Oftentimes, the couple chooses to keep their infertility a secret. This can lead to increased pressure on each other for support. Other times, emotional dumping may occur. This is a behavior where one partner consistently dumps their negative emotions and thoughts on their significant other, to an unhealthy and taxing extent.
Infertility Can Feel like Grief
Couples also struggle to cope with their grief and other associated emotions together. Maybe planning to bear children with your spouse was an important part of your future together. For many couples, the inability to conceive may feel like a significant loss. This can result in a period of mourning for what could have been. Ultimately, you may grieve this loss and feel like you are missing out on an important milestone in your life.
Infertility Can Trigger Anger and Blame
Additionally, resent or blame accompany infertility. Oftentimes, one partner may place blame upon the partner that is struggling with infertility. If you find yourself on the receiving end, do not take this personally. The partner struggling to cope is simply displacing their frustrations and anger by taking it out on you. In times such as these, it is important to let your partner know you are experiencing similar emotions as them. Likewise, try to support your partner by telling them that you hear and understand their frustrations, and that you are going through this together.
Ways to Cope with Infertility in Your Marriage
Infertility is a difficult process to overcome in a marriage. Processing and working through infertility is instrumental to creating a positive family-building journey in the future. Here are some useful tips to cope with infertility in your romantic relationship.
- Recognize and work through your feelings
- Be honest and communicate your feelings with your partner
- Seek the support of a couples therapist
- Learn about your options
- Join an infertility support group
- Rekindle intimacy with your partner
- Avoid blaming yourself
- Avoid blaming your partner
- Tend to your physical and emotional needs
- Find healthy outlets to release your emotions
How a Couples Therapist Can Help
A therapist can offer additional support in your marriage or relationship. Working with a professional allows you to have a safe space to process any emotions that arise. In addition, a couples therapist can help guide you and your partner through unresolved conflict. At Wisdom Within Counseling, our therapists help couples thrive. We are a unique and nurturing practice that offers professional guidance and positive coping tools to our clients. For a couple struggling with intimacy, your therapist might provide book recommendations or may lead you through a playful yoga exercise during your session to reconnect with one another. Ultimately, we teach skills that allow couples to build a loving, long-term relationship despite any hardships that arise.
We offer video and phone counseling to New Fairfield, Newtown, Norwalk, Old Greenwich, Redding, Redding Center, Redding Ridge,Darien, Easton, Fairfield, Georgetown, Bethel, Bridgeport, Brookfield, Cos Cob, Danbury, Monroe, New Canaan, Greenwich, Hawleyville, Ridgefield, Riverside, Sandy Hook, Shelton, Sherman, Southport, Stamford, Stratford, Trumbull, Weston, Westport, and Wilton, Connecticut. As well, we offer phone and video counseling in Florida.
To work through infertility within your marriage, book your free phone consult at Wisdom Within Counseling today.
The author of this article is Irinel Fishlock, a mental health counseling graduate student and Intake Coordinator at Wisdom Within Counseling.
