Feeling unfulfilled in your marriage? Is your spouse always snappy, annoyed, or short with you? Are you feeling disrespected, used, alone, and hurt by your partner’s actions? Lonely in your marriage? Does it feel like your partner shuts down and ignores your needs? Wishing you had a more exciting, regular, and satisfying sex life? Wanting your partner to support you emotionally and show you they care? Does it feel like your partner isolates and runs away when conflicts occur, when you want to work them out? Wisdom Within Counseling specializes in helping distant couples develop closeness, bonding, trust, and deeper connection. We combine holistic marriage therapy along with Gottman marriage therapy.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling helps fighting, distant, and distressed couples gain skills to reconnect.
Wisdom Within Counseling offers a comprehensive and integrative approach to addressing the complexities and challenges that you are dealing with. One of the key reasons to start with holistic marriage therapy is that we look at and assess the entire context of your relationship.
Rather than focusing solely on surface-level issues or communication problems, holistic Gottman marriage therapy delves deep into the emotional, psychological, and even spiritual aspects of your partnership. To add, this approach recognizes that your marriage is not just the sum of its individual parts. But, we also look at trauma, past experiences, beliefs, values, and personal growth.
When you feel distant, alone, unimportant, and are struggling to connect, the team at Wisdom Within Counseling specializes in helping you rebuild emotional intimacy, security, playfulness, and a meaningful marriage.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
A few marriage counseling tips before you get to your first couples therapy session:
How can humor support your bond and a successful, loving, and long term marriage?
Use humor in your relationship to build social connection and bonding. Laughing together has shown to increase connection and emotional security. As well, you can artfully use humor to diffuse a tense situation when you or your partner are upset. Think back to an inside joke and this can bring joy to you both.
Laugh about a funny memory you both shared to feel closer. Not all types of humor have a positive impact on your marriage. However, humor that makes your partner feel below you isn’t funny to them. This is known as superiority humor and can be damaging and hurtful.
Without realizing it, superiority humor can come off as mocking and making fun of your partner’s weaknesses.
Also, if done in a group or social setting, your partner can feel humiliated or embarrassed because of your joke.
This use of humor damages the emotional closeness in your marriage, leading to distance. You’ll know something is wrong because your partner won’t be laughing alongside you. Humor is only supportive and connecting when you’re both laughing and smiling together. It’s important to notice if your partner is laughing or smiling along with you when you are making a joke. If you notice your partner isn’t laughing, the humor you find funny may have come off all wrong.
It’s important to make your partner feel good and closer to you when using humor.
If your partner wants you to be serious, and you’re trying to be funny, the timing of your humor can be totally off. Your partner may be wanting to have a serious talk, and when you use humor here, they may feel unimportant, uncared for, and dismissed.
Timing plays a role in your approach to humor. Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you find the right timing to use humor also.
Couples counseling with a holistic approach can help you learn to use humor to foster playfulness, connection, bonding, and lasting connection. Wisdom Within Counseling is a team of holistic, creative, Gottman marriage therapists.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Can you keep retelling stories of the early days of meeting?
When your first meet, everything feels new and perfect. You have eyes just for each other and you feel so close. But, long term relationships are a mixture of ups and downs. It might seem easy to look on facebook or instagram and see happy photos of other couples. But, they too have conflicts, struggles, messy arguments, and tension. They just don’t post that on social media. There are easy times and of course, difficult times in all long-term romantic relationship. Relationships take team work and intentional effort as well as positive focus from both people. Integrative couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you gain playful connection, rebuild trust, and communicate in healthier ways. You don’t have to avoid each other when the tough times come. From counseling, you can learn to talk about your emotions and work through it together.
To build positive connection, tell each other stories of the beginning, when you felt super close. Take turns to highlight the early moments and say, “Remember when…” Healthy couples keep retelling each other positive moments and vivid stories of the past to keep their marriage going.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, we are LGBTQIA+ affirming and educated. This means that we support and love helping same sex couples, lesbian, gay, bisexual, bigender, transgender, queer, non-binary, intersex, kink, BDSM, polyamorous, monogamous, straight, bi-racial couples and couples with large age differences. Wisdom Within Counseling specializes in a Gottman-focused and holistic approach to your marriage problems.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
How can Gottman couples counseling help you build emotional intimacy, closeness, and support by retelling positive stories?
Couples counseling at Wisdom Within with our Gottman therapists can be a valuable tool for building emotional intimacy, closeness, and support. We specialize in encouraging couples to revisit and retell positive moments and vivid stories from their past.
Here’s how holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help keep your marriage strong:
Sharing and reliving positive memories from the past can reignite the emotions that initially brought you both together. To note, these stories remind you and your partner of the love, joy, and connection you have shared, helping to recreate those feelings in the present.
By retelling stories and reminiscing about shared experiences, you both can deepen your emotional connection. This process allows you to feel understood and validated by your partner, promoting a sense of togetherness and unity.
Develop a positive relationship narrative from holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling
Over time, couples develop a narrative about their relationship. By focusing on positive stories, you can shape a more optimistic and hopeful narrative.
This positive perspective can help you both approach challenges with resilience and a belief that you have the ability to overcome difficulties together.
Furthermore, sharing positive stories involves vulnerability and openness.
When you both feel safe and supported in discussing your past, it can strengthen trust in your marriage and relationship.
Trust is a foundational element of emotional intimacy.
As you both retell stories, you can learn to practice effective communication and active listening skills. This can lead to improved communication overall, as you both become more attuned to each other’s needs and feelings. Holistic marriage therapy can be a safe place to learn effective listening skills.
Sharing stories of accomplishments and successes can boost each other’s self-esteem and reinforce the idea that you are a team working towards shared goals. This can be especially important during challenging times.
Plus, talking about positive stories often involve instances where you and your partner supported each other. Revisiting these moments highlights the support and care present in your relationship and bond. Keeping these stories alive can serve as a source of reassurance and motivation during difficult times.
As time passes, memories can fade or become less vivid.
Sharing positive, funny stories in holistic marriage counseling sessions can help you preserve your shared history.
From talking about the good times, you can create a sense of continuity and connection with your past. At Wisdom Within Counseling, our holistic, integrative couples therapists teach about the Gottman Method for relationship success. One of these important relationship success skills is to keep positive memories vivid and alive by retelling them together. Maybe, you did something for the first time together, played a game, were silly, went on a trip, or you took a cooking class you loved.
In summary, holistic couples counseling at Wisdom Within Counseling encourages the retelling of positive moments and vivid stories from the past. Talking about the good moments in your past can be a powerful tool for building emotional intimacy, reinforcing closeness, and creating a supportive, enduring partnership.
Holistic marriage therapy allows couples to rekindle positive emotions, celebrate their shared history, and develop a more positive narrative about their relationship. This strengthens your bond. If you and your partner are feeling distant emotionally, holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you feel closer.
In turn feeling emotionally safe and bonded can improve your sex life.
Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling supports you in telling stories of the good times, which gives more purpose and meaning to your marriage and physical touch.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
How can feeling emotionally safe and close foster a healthy sex life and erotic desire?
If you are walking out of the room when your partner is speaking, this can lead them to feel unimportant, pain, insecure, hurt, sad, and alone in your marriage. As well, the more insecure and unsafe your partner feels in the marriage, the less likely they are to receive you sexually or be interested in sex at all. Inconsistent communication, negative communication, and unreliable communication can have an impact on sexual openness and your sexual life. Due to conflict, your partner may have a disinterest in having sex, or low libido. These feelings of emotional pain do not foster a healthy sex life. Instead, emotions like safety, closeness, connection, and playfulness prepare the mind for sex.
Holistic marriage therapy helps you create a safe, loving, passionate, and meaningful sex life from the foundation of emotional intimacy
Emotional safety and closeness play a crucial role in fostering a healthy sex life and sustaining erotic desire within your romantic relationship. When you feel emotionally secure with each other, it creates a foundation of trust and intimacy. In turn, this that enhances your overall connection, including your sexual desire and sexual relationship.
Firstly, emotional safety allows you and your partner to be vulnerable and open with your desires, fantasies, and insecurities without fear of judgment or rejection.
When you feel accepted and understood on a deep emotional level, you both are more likely to communicate openly about your sexual needs and preferences. This transparency can lead to better sexual satisfaction. Then, both of you can work together to fulfill each other’s desires and create a more fulfilling sexual experience.
Secondly, emotional closeness is a precursor to physical intimacy. To note, the emotional bond between you and your partner enhances your physical connection, making sex more fun, playful, meaningful and enjoyable. When couples prioritize emotional closeness, it can lead to more spontaneous and passionate sexual encounters.
This sense of closeness can also create a positive feedback loop, where the physical intimacy reinforces the emotional connection, and vice versa, leading to a more satisfying, playful, and fulfilling sex life.
Lastly, emotional safety and closeness contribute to reduced anxiety and stress within your relationship.
As well, a lack of emotional safety can lead to insecurities and fears that can negatively impact sexual desire and sexual performance. When you feel emotionally secure, you both can relax and fully engage in the present moment during sexual encounters. In turn, you can experience heightened pleasure and a stronger desire for future intimacy.
In summary, emotional safety and closeness are essential elements for maintaining a healthy sex life and nurturing erotic desire within a relationship.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy to build sexual playfulness, desire, and erotic connection in your marriage.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, your Gottman therapist can teach you tools for creating emotional closeness, which enchances your sexual connection.
Our holistic couples therapists create an environment where both of you can express your emotions, feelings, and desires openly. Marriage therapy is a safe place to build and learn bonding skills. That way, at home you can have the tools and skills to foster deeper emotional and physical connection. We often don’t learn these important healthy relationship skills growing up. Parents don’t teach us relationship skills. School teaches us about math and science, but not about emotions or empathy skills.
Having a healthy, regular and passionate sex life reduces stress and anxiety. On that same note, emotional communication tools also contribute to a more satisfying and passionate sexual relationship. If you struggle with sexual intimacy, feel rejected, or don’t know where to start, holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help.
To begin, click below to book a phone consult to gain emotional connection skills and tools to rebuild your sexual passion and sex life.
How can expressing fondness and admiration help your marriage improve?
Couples who talk about appreciation, fondness, warmth, and admiration feel more secure and confident in their relationship.
Doing so fosters mutual respect, which is a key component in any healthy, long-term relationship or successful marriage.
You’ll feel more secure in your friendship as a couple by expressing fondness and admiration. With the stress of life though, we often forget how to express this.
Tell your partner, “I love the way you can make me feel safe and smile. I appreciate how you helped me work through my chaotic, upsetting work situation.”
Essentially, expressing fondness, appreciation, and admiration is like gasoline in your car, for your marriage. If you don’t do this, you will end up feeling distant, disconnected, and insecure in your bond.
Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling teaches you how to express fondness, appreciation, and admiration on a daily basis. You can learn skills for rebuilding trust and intimacy through Gottman therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Expressing fondness and admiration is a fundamental aspect of Gottman marriage therapy, as it helps strengthen the emotional connection between you and your partner.
Here’s an example of how one partner can express fondness and admiration for the other:
Partner A: “You know, I was thinking about you today, and I couldn’t help but smile. I admire how hardworking you are, not just at your job but also in our relationship. The way you always make time for us and go out of your way to support me means the world to me. It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”
In this example, Partner A is openly expressing their admiration and fondness for their spouse.
They specifically mention the qualities and actions that they appreciate, such as their partner’s work ethic and their dedication to the relationship.
This kind of verbal affirmation reinforces positive feelings. Also, it reinforces the emotional connection and sense of appreciation in your relationship.
Gottman’s research has shown that couples who regularly express fondness and admiration for each other tend to have more satisfying and enduring relationships.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling, you can learn this simple yet powerful practice that can contribute to a more loving and harmonious marriage.
Think about what you admire about your partner. What do you really appreciate about them and their personality? How do they make your life easier? Tell them verbally.
Another example of expressing fondness and admiration in your marriage:
Partner A: “I want to take a moment to tell you how much I love and admire the way you handle challenges in our life. When things get tough, you always manage to stay calm and collected, and your resilience is inspiring. Your strength gives me the confidence that we can overcome anything together. I feel incredibly lucky to have you by my side.”
In this example, Partner A is expressing admiration for their spouse’s ability to handle adversity.
They highlight specific qualities, such as staying calm and being resilient, that they find admirable.
By acknowledging their partner’s strengths and the positive impact it has on their relationship, they reinforce the emotional connection and appreciation between them.
Expressing fondness and admiration is a powerful way to nurture the emotional intimacy and connection in your marriage. If you want more fondness and admiration, which supports bonding, Wisdom Within Counseling can help. Improving your marriage with the Gottman approach just means working with one of our holistic couples therapists to learn a new set of skills. Our couples therapists are trained level two Gottman marriage counselors. In couples therapy, you develop a toolbox, so to speak, of communication, connection, and intimacy skills.
Couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you and your partner feel valued and cherished.
Expressing fondness and affection contributes to a more fulfilling, meaningful, connected, and lasting relationship.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Do you focus on “we” verses “me?”
Did you know that healthy, successful couples use the words “we” and “us,” to describe their beliefs, views, and relationship? We-ness is a key component that healthy couples use to describe their relationship. Though individual goals are important, healthy couples talk about life with a shared sense of connection.
Using “we” and “us” leads to a sense of togetherness in how you view your goals and values. This “we” language over “me” or “I” fosters a team approach. Holistic couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you use more “we” language and help your love deepen.
From doing so, you can feel a deeper sense of unity in your marriage. Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling Can provide you with playfulness and team building skills in session to support unity and bonding.
Using “we” and “us” language in the context of Gottman marriage therapy can have several profound benefits for couples seeking to improve their relationship.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you build a team approach for a successful, loving marriage.
Firstly, this language promotes a sense of unity and togetherness. By consciously choosing to frame issues and discussions in terms of “we” and “us,” couples are reminded that they are a team.
As well, this language helps you see that you share a common goal of a healthy and harmonious partnership.
To add, this shift in perspective can foster a greater sense of partnership, solidarity, and mutual support. Ultimately, this language shift strengthens the bond between you and your partner.
Secondly, “we” and “us” language encourages collaboration and problem-solving.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Instead of placing blame or focusing on individual grievances, this language helps couples view challenges as shared responsibilities.
This collaborative approach can lead to more constructive and cooperative efforts to overcome obstacles. In general, both of you can feel invested in finding solutions together. It reduces defensiveness and encourages a sense of shared ownership in your relationship’s well-being.
Thirdly, this linguistic choice helps diffuse tension and conflict. When partners use “we” and “us” language, it signifies that you and your partner are on the same side rather than opposing forces.
It promotes a sense of empathy and understanding, making it easier to navigate difficult discussions and disagreements.
This approach can lead to more productive conversations and a reduced likelihood of escalating conflicts.
Lastly, “we” and “us” language in Gottman marriage therapy promotes emotional intimacy and connection.
By consistently emphasizing the collective identity of your relationship, you can both reinforce your commitment to each other.
This can create a deeper sense of trust, intimacy, and emotional security, which are crucial components of a thriving, loving, and lasting marriage.
In summary, using “we” and “us” language in the context of Gottman marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling offers benefits that go beyond just linguistic choices.
Learning skills like this fosters unity, collaboration, conflict resolution, and emotional intimacy. Gottman-focused couples counseling at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you and your partner learn tools for creating unity, collaboration, togetherness, and intimacy.
To begin, click below to book your phone consult to reduce blame and criticism, and develop emotional connection, playfulness, and laugh together again.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, holistic couples therapy helps you develop a more fulfilling, loving, and resilient marriage.
Here’s an example that illustrates the difference between using “we” and “us” language versus “I” or “me” language to build togetherness in your marriage:
“I” or “Me” Language:
Partner A: “I feel like I’m always the one doing the housework. I need you to help me more.”
Partner B: “Well, I’m busy with work, and I can’t always find the time.”
In this example, the use of “I” and “me” language can create a sense of separation and blame. Partner A is expressing a concern but framing it in terms of their individual needs, which might make Partner B feel defensive.
“We” and “Us” Language:
Partner A: “We’ve been feeling overwhelmed with housework lately, and I think it’s taking a toll on both of us. Can we discuss how we can share these responsibilities better?”
Partner B: “You’re right. I’ve been caught up with work, but we should definitely find a solution together.”
In this revised conversation, the use of “we” and “us” language acknowledges that the issue is affecting both partners.
It emphasizes a sense of shared responsibility and invites collaboration in finding a solution. To note, this approach is more likely to foster togetherness and cooperation. Both partners are working as a team to address the problem rather than placing blame on one another.
You don’t have to fight against each other or feel overwhelmed when struggling with conflict. From learning about conflict resolution through the Gottman Method at Wisdom Within Counseling, you can collaborate to solve problems.
Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you get on the same team again and build emotional connection.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Are you proud to have survived difficult times as a team?
All couples deal with conflict. Conflicts may be pushing you against each other sadly. When you’re in a long term relationship or marriage, you’re going to go through ups and downs. Unfortunately, rough times can push insecure, distant couples further apart. The downs don’t have to break your marriage down though. Downs will come and it’s all about how you perceive and look back on these struggles.
Healthy couples look back on these struggles with a sense of pride. For instance, “Look at all we have overcome together.” Unhealthy couples blame, resent, and criticize one another for the unpredictable struggles.
Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you look at how your most challenging, difficult times have strengthened your bond as a couple.
Holistic couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you both see how you’ve grown together because of the struggles.
Learning to embrace and glorify your conflicts, challenges, and struggles is key for continuing to grow a healthy marriage and deeper commitment.
Doing so can give your marriage more connection and more purpose. Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can teach you how to overcome loss, struggles, and conflicts to strengthen your marital bond and glorify your journey together.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
How are mistakes handled in your marriage?
Holistic Gottman couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling ensures you are both handling mistakes with grace, love, compassion, and empathy. Everyone makes mistakes. We are all human. When you or your partner make a mistake, it can be a tricky, upsetting experience.
Let’s say that you cautioned your partner against doing something, but they do it anyway.
Unfortunately, your partner won’t always take your well meaning advice.
You can see they are making an error before they do it. Your partner ends up regretting their choice down the road. You might want to say, “I told you so, that it would not work.” However, saying this only leads to further disconnection and emotional distance in your marriage and relationship.
Holistic couples counseling at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you understand the concept, “Would you rather be right or have a successful, loving, and long lasting relationship?” Being right or having the last word does not improve your marriage bond at all.
As well, being right and having the last word breaks down all connection and togetherness. Don’t point out your partner’s mistakes or shove their mistakes in their face.
You wouldn’t want them to do this to you. And, you’ve made mistakes before in the past too. Instead, support your romantic partner by developing and fostering shared resilience. Say something like, “Don’t worry. We can handle finding a new solution together.”
Supporting each other strengthens and improves your friendship and helps you take on life together.
Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you handle mistakes and misunderstandings with forgiveness, togetherness, flexibility, and grace.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Is there resentment in your relationship leading to distance?
Why does everything you say upset your partner? Sometimes, even the best couples get into a rut where they are snappy, hostile, and hurtful to each other.
Resentment builds up and snowballs for one or both people in a marriage. Maybe, you feel that your partner hates you or you question if they still love you. They seem to always respond to you in an annoyed tone of voice and dismiss you.
This attitude problem may be because of negative sentiment override. Negative sentiment override is when many hurt moments build up due to lack of communication skills. Your partner is looking back on your relationship with a negative mindset and feeling that conflicts have not been resolved. They feel unloved in some way.
Unresolved conflicts can make your partner see you with a negative view.
They may feel like they aren’t a priority to you and are unimportant. As a result, they have a bitter, resentful, and snappy attitude. Small moments of unresolved conflict add up over time. In a healthy, loving marriage, couples handle and resolve conflict as it comes. Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you break the vicious cycle of negative sentiment override.
By talking about how you both feel and your emotions, you can work together to repair. Overcoming emotional injuries is a part of resolving past conflicts and building a positive cycle marriage counseling.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you remove criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt.
Using any of these, which the Gottman’s call the four horsemen of the apocalypse, will derail your communication and conversation. Using these four horsemen will take your important conversation away from the path it needs to go for repair.
Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can give your partner space to talk about how they feel hurt and injured emotionally. You can learn to take accountability and ownership for the hurt that you’ve caused.
Repairing negative sentiment override can be overwhelming. If you need professional help, our team of holistic marriage therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling specialize in helping couples communicate without criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt.
How can Gottman marriage counseling and holistic couples therapy can help you remove criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt?
Gottman marriage counseling and holistic couples therapy offer valuable tools and techniques to address and eliminate the four toxic relationship behaviors identified by Drs. John and Julie Gottman: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt.
To note, these behaviors are destructive to a relationship and can erode trust and intimacy over time. Through a combination of therapeutic strategies and holistic approaches, couples can effectively work towards replacing these negative patterns with healthier communication and connection.
In Gottman marriage counseling, couples are taught to express their concerns and complaints in a more constructive and less critical manner.
Instead of attacking your partner’s character or making sweeping accusations, you can learn to use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.
This shift in communication helps reduce criticism by fostering a more respectful and empathetic exchange of viewpoints. Your Wisdom Within Counseling Gottman holistic marriage therapist guides couples in understanding the impact of their words.
We encourage couples to choose their language carefully to prevent hurtful criticism from creeping back into their interactions.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Gottman marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling aims to break this cycle of defensiveness by teaching couples to take responsibility for their part in disagreements rather than immediately deflecting blame.
Defensiveness is another common issue that can escalate conflicts.
This involves self-reflection and recognizing one’s own contribution to the problem. By addressing defensiveness, couples can create a more open and non-judgmental atmosphere where issues can be discussed and resolved more constructively.
Defensiveness in a marriage often manifests when one partner feels attacked or criticized and responds in a way that deflects blame or avoids taking responsibility for their actions.
Here’s an example of defensivness in a marriage:
For example, Sarah and Alex are having a conversation about household chores. Sarah feels frustrated because she believes Alex hasn’t been helping out enough around the house.
Sarah (expressing her frustration): “Alex, I’ve been doing all the cooking and cleaning lately, and it’s starting to feel overwhelming. I could really use more help from you.”
Alex (responding defensively): “Well, it’s not like I never help. I did the dishes last week, and I take care of the lawn regularly. You’re always nitpicking about this stuff.”
In this scenario, Alex’s response is defensive. Instead of acknowledging Sarah’s feelings and the validity of her request for more assistance, he immediately deflects the blame by pointing out his past actions and implying that Sarah is overly critical. This response doesn’t address the core issue or Sarah’s feelings but rather shifts the focus away from his responsibility in the matter.
Defensiveness like this can escalate conflicts and make it challenging for couples to resolve issues effectively. Holistic counseling counseling with our Gottman therapists can help reduce defensivness in your marriage.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, we can help you build meaningful connection, learn healthy communication skills, bond, and repair trust.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Stonewalling occurs when one partner withdraws from the conversation, shutting down emotionally and refusing to engage.
As well, stonewalling in a marriage is a behavior where one partner emotionally withdraws from a conversation or interaction, effectively shutting down communication. To add, stonewalling often occurs as a defensive response to conflict or stress and can leave the other partner feeling unheard and frustrated.
Holistic couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help both of you recognize the physiological signs of stonewalling. From couples therapy, you can develop strategies to stay engaged in difficult conversations.
Techniques such as mindfulness and deep breathing can be incorporated into holistic marriage therapy to manage emotional overwhelm. Plus, positive coping tools from holistic marriage therapy allow couples to continue communication even when facing challenging topics.
Here’s an example of stonewalling, a negative communication habit that leads to marital distance:
For instance, Lisa and Mark are discussing their financial situation, which has been a source of tension in their marriage for some time.
Lisa (trying to talk about their finances): “Mark, we really need to sit down and come up with a plan to manage our debts. I’ve been worried about this, and I think we should discuss it.”
Mark (stonewalling): Mark suddenly becomes quiet, avoids eye contact, and starts scrolling through his phone. He doesn’t respond to Lisa’s concerns or engage in the conversation.
In this scenario, Mark is stonewalling. Instead of actively participating in the conversation and addressing Lisa’s concerns, he withdraws emotionally and physically.
In general, stonewalling can be particularly damaging to a relationship because it blocks effective communication. Stonewalling makes the other partner feel dismissed and unimportant.
Additionally, stonewalling can lead to a breakdown in trust and an inability to resolve important issues within your marriage.
Addressing stonewalling behavior often requires couples to work on improving communication and finding ways to reconnect and engage in constructive conversations. The team of Gottman marriage therapists and holistic couples therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you address and reduce stonewalling. From couples counseling, you can learn to talk about different topics, even tense or triggering ones, with ease.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Contempt, characterized by disrespect, mockery, and disdain, is a highly corrosive behavior that can lead to the demise of a relationship.
Holistic approaches in couples therapy often include exercises to promote empathy and understanding, enhancing emotional intelligence and compassion.
By fostering a sense of appreciation for each other’s perspectives and experiences, couples can reduce contemptuous behaviors and replace them with gestures of love, kindness, and respect.
In conclusion, both Gottman marriage counseling and holistic couples therapy provide valuable tools and strategies to address and eliminate criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt in relationships.
Overall, holistic Gottman marriage therapies emphasize healthier communication, self-awareness, empathy, and emotional regulation.
Furthermore, holistic Gottman marriage therapies help couples to replace destructive patterns with more loving and constructive interactions.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, our team holistic Gottman marriage therapists specialize in helping distant couples develop closeness, trust, and more intimacy.
Removing these negative behaviors paves the way for greater intimacy, trust, and connection within your relationship.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, alongside the Gottman approach, we encourage art, music therapy, yoga therapy, mindfulness skills, and creative coping tools. Holistic marriage therapy supports your mind, body, and soul at Wisdom Within Counseling.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
How can you develop a stronger base and foundation of friendship?
When life gets rocky, your friendship with your partner in your marriage carries you through. A deep friendship is the core of a healthy, long term, and successful marriage.
Knowing your partner’s favorite foods and the foods they don’t like, their favorite tv show, and if they like coffee or tea are parts of friendship. In Gottman couples therapy, we call these love maps.
In order to rebuild your friendship and the foundation of your marriage, have a conversation about your love maps. Find out your partner’s favorite sport, favorite thing to do after a stressful day, favorite scent of candle, what they like to do on the weekend, and their favorite getaway place.
To add, talk about their favorite movie, important events coming up in your partner’s life, favorite work outs, and more. As well, part of knowing your partner’s love maps means knowing their personal stressors and worries too.
To note, when couples struggle with infidelity, affairs, cheating, and unfaithfulness partners often have no idea about each other’s love maps, desires, needs, and thoughts. Often, post affair and infidelity, couples need help understanding and learning about each other’s emotional worlds.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy for conflict resolution skills, meaningful connection, and deeper intimacy.
Do you know what your partner is struggling with outside of your relationship?
For instance, your partner may be silently struggling with fears and worries of their parent’s cancer treatment or sibling’s upcoming major surgery. Maybe, they are worrying about their sibling with special needs and who will care for them as they age. Chronic pain can be anxiety provoking. Losses like miscarriages and infertility can be devastating and depressing. Friendship drama can be exhausting. Stress outside the relationship can be overwhelming. As well, you may be needing support around a work related review that went more poorly than expected and now you feel your dream job and career is in jeopardy. Healthy couples talk about personal stress with each other.
To add, talking about these stressors will help you bond as a team.
How to talk about stress?
Maybe, you avoid talking about stress because you are not sure how to talk about it. Perhaps, conflicts have gotten escalated in the past. Don’t let the stress and anxiety overwhelm you, first off. It can be easy to feel your partner’s anxiety and stress consume you as they talk. But, that makes it very difficult for your partner to feel safe, comforted, and supported.
Communicating in an empathetic way is key for a successful, long term marriage.
Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can teach you how to emotionally support your partner, without having to change or fix their problems for them.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic marriage therapy with our Gottman-trained couples counselors.
When your partner expresses anxiety, do not give advice or try to fix it.
And, don’t think you have to stop them from having that emotion. Just listen, or rub their back if they like that. Ask them what they need to feel supported from you , if you are not sure.
Importantly, respond compassionately and name the emotion they just shared.
Help your partner feel understood by using your empathy skills.
Don’t give solutions when your partner is anxious or experiencing stress. Instead, shift to be more empathetic and let them know their emotions are valid and understandable, and that you’ll be there for them if they need to cry.
Holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you learn how to comfort your partner and support them emotionally.
Give your partner emotional validation, emotional encouragement, compassion, comfort, and be present and engaged when talking about stress together.
Your Gottman Method certified therapist can help you if you get stuck providing emotional validation. You can learn these skills right in your holistic couples counseling sessions. Then, you can practice them at home together.
This process is about getting to know your partner as a person and developing emotional bonding and security in knowing them better than anyone else.
As well, love maps are the foundation of your sound relationship house, which allow you to grow together more strongly as a couple over time. Holistic couples therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling, with our level two Gottman trained marriage therapists, can help you maintain and develop your marriage and romantic relationship.
Marriage counseling with the Gottman approach give you concrete skills and tools to develop closeness, trust, and connection.
Work with one of our level two Gottman Method certified therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling to rebuild emotional bonding, a secure attachment, playfulness, intimacy, and passion.
Holistic couples counseling can help you build your love maps.
Building and maintaining accurate love maps is fundamental for a healthy and thriving marriage.
Gottman Love Maps are a crucial concept developed by renowned relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman. In Gottman marriage therapy, love maps refer to the mental representations you hold of your partner’s inner world.
Likewise, love maps include your partner’s thoughts, feelings, dreams, and desires. By actively seeking to understand your spouse on a deep level, you not only show them that you genuinely care but also create a strong foundation of emotional intimacy.
Understanding your partner’s love maps can help you both navigate challenges more effectively and calmly.
As a result, you have a clearer picture of each other’s needs and aspirations.
In holistic marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling, our therapists support couples in developing better communication and conflict resolution tools.
When you have a well-developed Love Map of your partner, you’re more likely to empathize with their perspective during disagreements. This can lead to more productive conversations.
Additionally, knowing your partner’s inner world enables you to celebrate their achievements and provide emotional support during tough times.
In turn, this strengthens the emotional connection between partners and reinforces feelings of security and trust. At Wisdom Within Counseling, you can work with level two Gottman-trained marriage therapists to develop healthier communication skills.
When you feel stuck, trapped, alone, unfulfilled, or stagnant in your marriage, our team of Gottman therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you rebuild meaningful connection and trust.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, holistic couples therapy can help you develop and maintain love maps.
Moreover, love maps are a dynamic concept that requires ongoing attention and curiosity. As you and your partner grow and change over time, your love maps need to evolve to stay relevant.
Regularly checking in with your partner, asking open-ended questions, and actively listening to their responses can help you continually update your love map. Holistic couples therapy can be a safe place to learn to do so.
By doing so, you invest in the long-term health of your marriage, as you remain attuned to each other’s evolving needs, dreams, and aspirations. In essence, love maps are a roadmap to a deeper, more fulfilling marriage, fostering emotional intimacy, empathy, and resilience in the face of life’s challenges. When you are looking for couples counseling with a holistic approach, look no further. Wisdom Within Counseling offers art therapies, music therapies, meditation, yoga therapy, mindfulness, and somatic therapies for couples.
Let’s get your marriage on the right track with couples counseling!
Wisdom Within Counseling offers holistic couples therapy and Gottman marriage therapy services in Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansa, Louisiana, Tennessee, North Carolina, Kansas, Kentucky, Virginia, West Virginia, Ohio, Maryland, Delaware, Washington, Montana, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Indiana, Vermont, Iowa, Missouri, Nebraska, Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, New Hampshire, and Maine. Meeting with one of our couples specialists can help you learn better communication skills, get playful again, and rebuild trust. Wisdom Within Counseling specializes in intimacy and emotional healing for couples.
Where in Connecticut does the Wisdom Within Counseling team help couples with holistic marriage therapy?
In Connecticut, holistic marriage therapy is available in Weston, Wilton, Ridgefield, Hartford, Westport, Bridgeport, New Haven, Stamford, Fairfield, Simsbury, Waterbury, Southbury, Old Greenwich, Norwalk, Danbury, Darien, Avon, New Britain, West Hartford, Glastonbury, Greenwich, Bristol, Meriden, Hamden, Manchester, East Hartford, Middletown, Enfield, Stratford, Shelton, Groton, Trumbull, New Canaan, Torrington, Naugatuck, Newington, Cheshire, Vernon, Windsor, East Haven, Wallingford, Niantic, Old Lyme, East Lyme, Colcheter, Mystic, Stonington, Clinton, Guilford, Madison, Farmington, Woodbridge, Orange, Redding, Easton, and Chester.
In Florida, where does the Wisdom Within Counseling offer holistic marriage therapy?
Holistic marriage therapy over video is available in Orlando, Windermere, Naples, Palm Beach, Boca Raton, Rockledge, Cocoa Beach, Vero Beach, Mims, Cape Canaveral, Key Biscayne, Coral Gables, Sarasota, Miami Beach, Parkland, Fort Lauderdale, Fort Myers, Winter Park, Jupiter, Weston, Wellington, Aventura, Pinecrest, Coral Springs, Vero Beach, Bonita Springs, Delray Beach, St. Petersburg, Snell Isle in St. Petersburg, Old Northeast in St. Petersburg, Tampa, Melbourne Beach, Longboat Key, Estero, Sanibel, Ponte Vedra Beach, Delray Beach, Belleair, North Palm Beach, Surfside, Indian Harbor, Jacksonville, and Key West, Florida.
To begin, click below for a phone consult for holistic couples therapy with our Gottman trained marriage counselors below.
Wisdom Within Counseling offers Gottman certified marriage therapy and holistic couples counseling in Maryland
In Maryland, on video couples therapy is available in Chevy Chase in Montgomery County, Potomac, Bethesda, Severna Park and Gibson Island in Anne Arundel County, Poolesville, Brookeville, Clarksville in Howard County, Kensington, Hunt Valley in Baltimore County, Columbia, Ellicott City, Annapolis, Rockville, Silver Spring, Towson in Baltimore County, Severna Park, Frederick in Frederick County, Bel Air, Gaithersburg, Ocean City in Worcester County, Salisbury, Havre de Grace in Harford County.
Holistic marriage therapy is available on video in Missouri
Wisdom Within Counseling offers holistic marriage therapy and Gottman-certified couples counseling in Ladue, Frontenac, Town and Country, Des Peres, Huntleigh, Clayton, Creve Coeur, Wildwood, Kirkwood, Webster Groves, Chesterfield in western St. Louis County, O’Fallon, Springfield, Columbia, St. Charles, Glendale, Clarkson Valley, and Kirkwood, Missouri.
In Virginia, our Gottman-trained marriage therapists offer holistic couples therapy.
Holistic marriage therapy with our Gottman specialists is available in McLean, Great Falls, Wolf Trap, Oakton, Vienna, Falls Church, Glen Allen, Vienna, Fairfax Station, Fairfax, Ashburn, Reston, Clifton, Manakin-Sabot, Herndon, Oak Hill, Bon Air, Short Pump, Poquoson, Alexandria, Lake Barcroft, Arlington, Belle Haven, Williamsburg, Yorktown, Leesburg, Charlottesville, Chester, Midlothian, Mechanicsville, Wyndham, Lake Monticello, Crozet, Arlington, Glen Allen, Burke, Centreville, Broadlands, Stone Ridge, Brambleton, Winchester, Stafford, Potomac Falls, Gainesville, Harrisonburg, Colonial Heights, Salem, Roanoke, Lynchburg, and Blacksburg, Virginia.
Wisdom Within Counseling offers holistic marriage counseling in Washington State.
Holistic marriage therapy with our Gottman couples specialists offer support to couples in Medina, Mercer Island, Hunts Point, Clyde Hill, Yarrow Point, Sammamish, Redmond, Woodway, Bellevue, Issaquah, Bainbridge Island, Kirkland, Union Hill-Novelty Hill, West Lake Sammamish, Newcastle, Duvall, Lake Forest Park, Mill Creek, Camas, Maple Valley, Mukilteo, Lake Stevens, Ridgefield, DuPont, Arlington, Camano Island, Snoqualmie, North Bend, Edgewood, Enumclaw, Gig Harbor, Arlington Heights, Bonney Lake, Port Angeles, Lake Tapps, Snohomish, Liberty Lake, Ferndale, Sumner, Covington, Centralia, Washougal, Sedro-Woolley, Airway Heights, Selah, Lynden, Cheney, Bothell, Battle Ground, and Sequim, Washington.
Wisdom Within Counseling specializes in holistic marriage therapy and Gottman marriage therapy.
Overall, holistic marriage therapy a process of promoting long-term well-being and personal growth for both of you. By exploring the broader aspects of each of your lives, couples therapy can help you both uncover underlying issues that may be contributing to challenges. This can lead to greater self-awareness and personal development.
Holistic therapy also encourages couples to explore their shared goals, values, and aspirations.
Unfortunately, many people avoid doing so out of fear of conflict, or you have been shut down emotionally by your partner before. In couples therapy, talking about your views and goals creates a sense of unity and purpose that can strengthen the bond between you.
Your Gottman-trained couples therapist will incorporate tools and mindfulness skills. Mindfulness-based couples counseling helps you self-soothe, calm yourself when you feel anxiety, and reduce feelings of fear and panic.
This way, you can return to your marriage conversations feeling refreshed, creative, clear thinking, and with compassion. More so, mindfulness skills foster emotional healing for couples and deeper intimacy.
