Counseling After Narcissistic Abuse and Emotional Abuse To Stop People Pleasing – Specialists in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Help You Rebuild Self-Esteem and Attract Healthy Relationships

Do you often put other people’s needs ahead of your own, even if it leaves you feeling emotionally or physically drained? Are you afraid to say “no” or set boundaries because you’re worried about upsetting someone or disappointing them? Do you apologize all the time, even when you haven’t done anything wrong hoping the narcissist in your life will stay calm? And, do you change your opinions or behavior to match what the narcissist in your life wants, even if it means you’re not being true to yourself? Do you minimize your own emotions or needs in relationships, making the narcissist’s feelings matter more than your own? Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse helps you rebuild your self-esteem.

Feel like you’re giving a lot in relationships with narcissistic family members or narcissistic romantic partners, but not getting much in return? Do you go out of your way to avoid conflict, even if it means not expressing your true feelings or needs?

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Being in a romantic relationship with a narcissist and trapped in a trauma bond feels like a constant cycle of emotional highs and devastating lows, where your needs, feelings, and identity are gradually eroded.

At first, the relationship may have seemed intoxicating—filled with charm, passion, and what felt like deep emotional connection.

The narcissist likely showered you with love, attention, and validation, making you feel special, chosen, and deeply wanted. This “love bombing” phase is designed to hook you, creating a deep emotional dependency.

But over time, the warmth disappears, replaced by coldness, manipulation, and emotional cruelty.

Your needs are dismissed, your feelings invalidated, and your reality twisted. When you try to express hurt, confusion, or frustration, you’re met with gaslighting—being told you’re overreacting, imagining things, or too sensitive. The person you love and long for is the same one making you feel unseen, unheard, and unimportant.

A trauma bond keeps you stuck, even when you know the relationship is harming you.

The intermittent reinforcement of love and rejection makes you crave their approval, much like an addiction.

When they pull away, you feel desperate, anxious, and willing to do anything to regain their affection. And when they offer fleeting moments of kindness or validation, it feels like relief—a false sense of security that keeps you emotionally entangled.

Over time, you may start doubting yourself, suppressing your needs, and believing that you’re the problem. The narcissist conditions you to walk on eggshells, fearing their next outburst or silent treatment. You may become isolated from friends and family, either because they’ve convinced you that no one else understands you or because you’re too ashamed or exhausted to reach out.

The worst part is how deeply you start to believe their distorted version of reality.

You might tell yourself, Maybe if I just love them harder, they’ll change.

More so, maybe if I stop complaining, they’ll be happy. Maybe it really is my fault. The cycle continues, reinforcing the belief that you need them, when in reality, they are the source of your suffering.

Healing from a narcissistic relationship and breaking a trauma bond is difficult, but it’s possible. You deserve to have your feelings acknowledged, your needs met, and your love reciprocated in a healthy, mutual way. You are not crazy, too sensitive, or unworthy of love—you have simply been conditioned to believe so. Rebuilding your self-worth and learning to trust yourself again is a journey, but you don’t have to go through it alone.

How does intermittent reinforcement in a trauma bond work?

Intermittent reinforcement and hot-and-cold behavior are key parts of identifying a trauma bond because they create a powerful cycle of emotional addiction that keeps you trapped in a toxic relationship, even when it is causing you pain.

These psychological patterns manipulate your brain’s reward system, making you crave the narcissist’s validation despite their ongoing mistreatment.

In a healthy relationship, love, respect, and support are consistent. But in a trauma bond, the narcissist alternates between affection and cruelty, unpredictably giving and withdrawing love. This keeps you emotionally off-balance, always trying to “win back” their warmth and approval. When they are kind or loving, it creates a surge of relief and hope.

And, when they are cold, dismissive, or cruel, it triggers deep anxiety, self-doubt, and a desperate need to fix the relationship.

This unpredictable cycle makes their rare moments of kindness feel even more meaningful, reinforcing the belief that if you just try harder, you can get back to the love-bombing phase.

Intermittent reinforcement mirrors how addiction works. Just like a gambler at a slot machine, you never know when you’ll receive a “reward,” so you keep playing, hoping for the next hit of affection. The uncertainty makes you more attached, not less.

You may start to rationalize their mistreatment, convincing yourself that if they can sometimes be loving, maybe they aren’t that bad. This mental conditioning makes it extremely difficult to leave, because your brain is wired to focus on the potential for things to get better rather than the consistent emotional harm.

Hot-and-cold behavior deepens this cycle by keeping you in a constant state of emotional whiplash. One moment, the narcissist makes you feel special, desired, and valued.

The next, they ignore you, criticize you, or punish you with silence.

This unpredictability creates intense anxiety and emotional dependence, making you more willing to sacrifice your own needs in the hope of keeping the peace and regaining their affection.

The presence of intermittent reinforcement and hot-and-cold behavior is a major red flag that you are not in a love-based relationship, but in a trauma bond. Understanding this can help you break free by recognizing that the love you’re chasing isn’t real love—it’s a form of control designed to keep you hooked.

Healing starts with recognizing that you deserve love that is steady, safe, and reciprocal—not one that thrives on your suffering.

Counseling Supports You In Recognizing Signs of Narcissistic Abuse and Emotional Abuse in a Romantic Relationship

Being in a relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally abusive partner can be deeply damaging to your sense of self-worth.

Over time, their narcissistic, manipulative behaviors can wear down your confidence, making you doubt your own perceptions, feelings, and even reality.

If you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, feeling inadequate, or prioritizing their needs at the expense of your own, you may be experiencing narcissistic abuse.

This form of emotional mistreatment can lead to chronic self-doubt, low self-esteem, and people-pleasing tendencies. Over time, you learn to survive in an environment where your emotional well-being is not valued.

One of the most insidious signs of narcissistic abuse is gaslighting.

Your partner may repeatedly deny things they have said or done, making you question your memory and perception. They might tell you that you are “too sensitive” or “overreacting” when you express hurt or concern, causing you to second-guess your emotions. Over time, this psychological manipulation can make you feel as though you cannot trust yourself, leaving you dependent on your partner’s version of events and reality. This loss of self-trust is a powerful tool that an abusive partner uses to maintain control, ensuring that you remain in a state of confusion and emotional vulnerability.

Another hallmark of narcissistic and emotional abuse is the cycle of idealization and devaluation.

In the beginning, your partner may have showered you with love, attention, and admiration, making you feel as though you were the most important person in their world. This is known as love-bombing, a tactic used to quickly create emotional dependency. However, as the relationship progresses, they may begin to criticize, belittle, and devalue you.

The very qualities they once admired become the things they mock or use against you.

This hot-and-cold dynamic can be emotionally exhausting, leaving you desperate to regain their approval. You may begin working harder to please them, sacrificing your own needs and boundaries in hopes of returning to the “good” phase of the relationship.

Control is another key element of narcissistic abuse.

Your partner may dictate what you wear, who you spend time with, or even how you think and feel. They might isolate you from friends and family, making you believe that others don’t truly care about you or that they are trying to ruin your relationship.

This isolation can leave you feeling trapped, with no outside perspective to validate your experiences. When your world revolves entirely around your partner, their approval and validation become your only source of self-worth, reinforcing a pattern of people-pleasing behavior.

Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse helps you identify your own needs, express them, and know they are valid.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Constant criticism and blame can also erode your self-esteem.

No matter how much you try, nothing seems to be good enough for them.

They may nitpick your appearance, your intelligence, or the way you express emotions. If something goes wrong, they never take responsibility—instead, they twist the narrative to make you feel at fault.

Over time, this can make you believe that you are inherently flawed or incapable of making good decisions. You may find yourself apologizing excessively, even when you have done nothing wrong, simply to keep the peace.

Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse gives you awareness and education to see constant criticism for what it is. You don’t have to try to change yourself to hopefully prevent criticism. Instead, therapy after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse teaches you to leave the relationship when someone treats you poorly.

Silent treatment and withdrawal of affection are also common tactics used in narcissistic abuse.

If you express disappointment or frustration, your partner may punish you by ignoring you, acting cold, or withholding love. This can create a deep sense of rejection and abandonment, making you more likely to comply with their demands just to regain their attention. When love and validation feel conditional, you may start bending over backward to avoid conflict, suppressing your true feelings to maintain their approval.

As a result of these manipulations, you may develop chronic anxiety and hypervigilance.

You become overly attuned to your partner’s moods, scanning their tone, body language, and expressions for any sign of impending conflict. This heightened state of alertness can make it difficult to relax, as you constantly adjust your behavior to prevent outbursts or disapproval. Your nervous system remains in a state of stress, leaving you mentally and emotionally drained.

Over time, the effects of narcissistic abuse reshape how you see yourself.

You may struggle with feelings of unworthiness, believing that you are not lovable or deserving of kindness. Your self-esteem, once strong, may crumble under the weight of persistent criticism and manipulation.

People-pleasing becomes your second nature, as you prioritize keeping others happy over acknowledging your own needs.

Even outside of your relationship, you may struggle to set boundaries, fearing rejection or conflict.

Healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse requires recognizing these patterns and reclaiming your sense of self.

You are not broken, nor are you unworthy of love and respect. Rebuilding self-trust, setting boundaries, and seeking support—whether through therapy, trusted friends, or self-care—can help you break free from the cycle of abuse.

You deserve to be in a marriage and romantic relationship where you are valued, respected, and loved for who you truly are.

Being in a relationship with a narcissistic partner or spouse can feel like an emotional rollercoaster.

One moment, they shower you with attention, and the next, they make you feel like you’re the problem.

If you’ve found yourself constantly people-pleasing, trying to keep them happy, and sacrificing your own needs just to maintain peace, you’re not alone. You may feel like you’ve lost yourself in the process, staying in the relationship despite the emotional abuse, gaslighting, and cruel behaviors.

How can being in a relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally abusive partner be reminiscent of childhood trauma and guilt tripping from a narcissistic parent?

Being in a relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally abusive partner can feel eerily similar to childhood trauma, especially if you grew up with a narcissistic parent. These relationships often trigger deep-seated emotional wounds, pulling you back into the same patterns of walking on eggshells, seeking approval, and feeling responsible for someone else’s emotions.

If your narcissistic spouse guilt-trips you, invalidates your feelings, or lashes out in anger, it may unconsciously remind you of your childhood experiences with a parent who did the same—even if that parent was also your financial provider.

As a child, you may have learned that love was conditional—that you had to be “good,” obedient, or self-sacrificing to receive even small amounts of approval.

If your parent used guilt to control you, you likely internalized the belief that your needs were selfish, that speaking up was dangerous, or that you had to take responsibility for their emotions.

When your narcissistic spouse guilt-trips you in adulthood, it can activate those same childhood wounds, making you feel like a helpless child again—desperate for love but always falling short.

Your spouse’s anger issues may also trigger the same fear and anxiety you felt as a child when your narcissistic parent exploded in rage.

Even if your father was the financial provider and took care of your basic needs, his emotional instability and explosive anger forced you to suppress your own feelings to avoid conflict.

When your spouse mirrors that same rage, your nervous system reacts as if you are still a vulnerable child, making you freeze, fawn, or try to “fix” the situation—even when you logically know their behavior is unfair and harmful.

The worst part of this cycle is that your subconscious may have drawn you toward a narcissistic spouse precisely because their behavior felt familiar.

Even though you suffered in childhood, your brain equated emotional instability with love because it was all you knew. You may have unknowingly recreated the same dynamic in your romantic relationship, hoping to finally earn the love, validation, and emotional security that were denied to you as a child.

In counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse, healing starts with recognizing that you are no longer that powerless child.

You do not have to prove your worth by enduring mistreatment. You do not have to accept guilt, blame, or manipulation to maintain peace.

And most importantly, you are allowed to choose relationships that feel safe, consistent, and emotionally fulfilling—not ones that keep you stuck in the pain of your past.

Click below to start in counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse for confidence, self-worth, and skills to attract healthy love.

You might have noticed these patterns after having been in a relationship with a narcissistic person, ex, or family member:

You feel like you’re never enough, no matter how hard you try.

You walk on eggshells, afraid of upsetting them or triggering their anger.

You justify their bad behavior, believing they’ll change if you just love them more.

And, you make excuses for their cruelty, convincing yourself they didn’t mean to hurt you.

You feel guilty for wanting to leave, even though you’re deeply unhappy.

They tell you that you’re too sensitive, dismissing your feelings as overreactions.

The narcissist twists your words and use personal information against you during fights.

You feel emotionally drained, anxious, and disconnected from yourself.

This is what happens in narcissistic/codependent relationships—the more you try to earn their love, the more they pull away, leaving you feeling unworthy, desperate, and stuck in an endless cycle of trying to “fix” the relationship.

You might feel like you love them too much to leave or that no one else will understand you the way they do.

But the truth is, you deserve so much more than this maltreatment.

Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse helps you understand the cycle of abuse and gain education

The cycle of narcissistic abuse is a manipulative pattern that keeps you trapped in a toxic relationship, making it difficult to leave even when you recognize the harm. This cycle consists of four main phases: idealization (love bombing), devaluation, discard, and hoovering.

Each phase is designed to create emotional dependency, self-doubt, and confusion, making you feel powerless and desperate for the narcissist’s approval.

Idealization (Love Bombing)

At the beginning of the relationship, the narcissist showers you with overwhelming affection, attention, and admiration. They make you feel incredibly special, as if you’ve found the perfect partner. To add, they may bombard you with compliments, grand gestures, and deep emotional connection.

A narcissist makes you believe you’re finally experiencing the love you’ve always wanted.

During this phase, the narcissist mirrors your desires, values, and dreams to create the illusion that they are your soulmate. You feel intensely bonded to them, and your brain releases chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, reinforcing the belief that this relationship is unique and irreplaceable.

However, this intense affection is not real love—it’s a manipulation tactic designed to make you emotionally dependent on their approval.

Devaluation

Once the narcissist feels they have you hooked, the mask begins to slip. The warmth, affection, and admiration are replaced with criticism, coldness, and subtle (or overt) emotional abuse. You may start noticing put-downs, dismissive behavior, or cruel jokes disguised as humor.

Your opinions, feelings, and needs are invalidated, leaving you confused and questioning yourself.

Gaslighting becomes a powerful tool in this phase.

If you confront the narcissist about their hurtful behavior, they twist reality to make you doubt your own experiences. They might say, You’re too sensitive, I never said that, or You’re imagining things.

This psychological manipulation erodes your self-esteem, making you more dependent on them for validation.

At this point, you may start chasing the version of them from the love-bombing phase, believing that if you just try harder, they will return to being the person who once adored you. This deepens the trauma bond, keeping you emotionally trapped.

Discard

Once the narcissist has extracted enough emotional energy from you or becomes bored, they abruptly discard you—either through emotional withdrawal, ghosting, or outright abandoning the relationship.

You are left devastated, wondering what you did wrong and blaming yourself for their sudden disinterest.

The narcissist may move on quickly, replacing you with a new supply, flaunting their new relationship, or acting as if you never mattered to them. This is deliberate—it’s meant to crush your self-worth and keep you longing for their return.

You may spiral into despair, feeling unlovable and desperate to regain their affection, which is exactly what the narcissist wants.

Hoovering

Just when you start to rebuild your life, the narcissist reappears with messages, apologies, or nostalgic memories designed to “suck” you back into the cycle.

They might claim they’ve changed, that they miss you, or that they can’t live without you. This phase is not about genuine love—it’s about regaining control.

The hoovering phase plays on your emotional wounds, triggering hope that things could be different this time. If you re-engage, the cycle immediately resets—starting with a brief period of love bombing before quickly descending back into devaluation and discard.

Breaking free from this cycle requires recognizing the pattern, understanding that their love is conditional and manipulative, and cutting all contact with a narcissistic ex.

Healing involves rebuilding your self-esteem, setting firm boundaries, and seeking support to untangle yourself from the emotional trauma of the relationship. You deserve real love—consistent, safe, and nurturing—not a cycle of abuse designed to break you.

Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse helps you recover from this toxic cycle and overcome self-doubt

Recovering from the cycle of narcissistic abuse is a journey of self-healing, emotional detox, and rebuilding your sense of self after being systematically broken down.

The damage from a narcissistic relationship runs deep because it’s not just about losing a partner—it’s about recovering from emotional addiction, trauma bonding, gaslighting, and self-doubt that kept you trapped in the cycle.

Healing requires intentional steps to reclaim your identity. Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse helps you build self-worth. And, you can learn to break free from the emotional hooks that made you feel dependent on the narcissist’s approval.

The first and most critical step in breaking the cycle is cutting off contact. This means blocking them on all platforms—phone, social media, email—so they cannot manipulate you back into their cycle of abuse. Narcissists will try to hoover you back with guilt, false apologies, or love-bombing again, so cutting off access is key.

If you must stay in contact, such as in co-parenting situations, interactions should be strictly limited to essential communication only. Keeping responses short, neutral, and disengaged—known as the “gray rock” method—will help prevent them from drawing you back into their toxic dynamic.

One of the biggest reasons people struggle to leave a narcissistic relationship is trauma bonding.

Trauma bonding is the psychological addiction to the toxic push-pull of narcissistic abuse.

Just like a gambler addicted to a slot machine, your brain became conditioned to crave their validation despite the pain they caused. Healing starts with recognizing that their love was not real love—it was manipulation. The highs were manufactured to keep you hooked, and the lows were designed to make you doubt yourself.

Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse helps you understand this cycle and gain proper education. Understanding this shatters the illusion and helps you detach emotionally.

Narcissists condition you to feel small, worthless, and like you need their approval to be enough.

Recovery means rewriting those beliefs and realizing that you were never the problem—they were. Affirmations and self-talk can help reprogram the negative self-image they planted in your mind.

Telling yourself things like, “I am worthy of love that is safe and consistent,” or “My needs and feelings are valid,” helps to reestablish self-worth.

Positive self-talk is a powerful tool in counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse, helping you reprogram the negative beliefs that were ingrained by the abuser. Narcissistic relationships condition you to doubt yourself, silence your needs, and feel unworthy of love.

In therapy, you learn to replace self-criticism with self-compassion, recognizing that the abuse was never your fault.

Instead of internalizing the narcissist’s voice, you begin to cultivate a kind, supportive inner dialogue that builds confidence and self-worth. Affirmations like, “I am worthy of love and respect,” “My feelings and needs matter to my closest circle,” and “I trust myself to make good decisions” help reinforce a positive self-image.

Through guided exercises, journaling, and mindfulness, counseling helps you challenge the automatic negative thoughts that stem from emotional manipulation.

As you practice positive self-talk, you strengthen your ability to set boundaries, trust your intuition, and embrace your authentic self without fear of judgment or rejection. Over time, this shift in mindset allows you to heal from the emotional wounds of narcissistic abuse and rebuild a life rooted in self-love and empowerment.

Rediscovering who you are outside of the narcissistic relationship is essential for healing and recovery too.

Many survivors of narcissistic abuse lose themselves in trying to keep the narcissist happy.

Reconnecting with activities, hobbies, and interests that bring joy is a powerful way to reclaim your sense of self. Additionally, surrounding yourself with safe, supportive people—whether friends, family, or a community of survivors—will provide the validation and emotional grounding that the narcissist denied you.

The emotional wounds from narcissistic abuse don’t just fade—they need to be processed and healed.

Therapy is an essential tool for working through the deep emotional trauma, emotional abuse, and gaslighting.

A therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling who specializes in narcissistic abuse can help you understand the manipulation, regain self-trust, and move forward. Journaling is another powerful way to process emotions, validate your experiences, and gain clarity on the abuse.

Many survivors find that their narcissistic partner triggered unresolved childhood wounds, especially if they had a narcissistic parent. If this resonates, inner child healing can be incredibly beneficial in breaking long-standing patterns of seeking validation from emotionally unavailable people.

Healing the inner child after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse is a deeply transformative part of recovery, allowing you to nurture the wounded parts of yourself that were ignored, shamed, or invalidated.

Many survivors of narcissistic relationships realize that their pain is rooted in early childhood experiences, where they learned to seek love from emotionally unavailable caregivers or were conditioned to believe that love must be earned through self-sacrifice.

In counseling, you reconnect with your inner child—the vulnerable, innocent part of you that still longs for safety, acceptance, and love.

Through guided visualization, self-compassion exercises, and reparenting techniques, you begin to give yourself the care and validation that you never received. Speaking to your inner child with kindness, reassuring them that they are safe and loved, and allowing yourself to feel and process old wounds can bring deep emotional healing.

As you learn to nurture and protect your inner child, you break free from patterns of seeking validation from toxic relationships and instead build self-trust, self-worth, and emotional security within yourself.

Narcissistic abuse destroys boundaries, making you feel guilty for having needs or saying no. In recovery from emotional abuse, boundaries become your shield.

You do not owe anyone access to your emotions, energy, or time, especially those who drain or manipulate you.

Learning to say no without guilt is a crucial part of regaining your autonomy.

Mental boundaries are equally important—stop justifying, defending, or explaining yourself to toxic people. You do not need to prove your worth. Physical boundaries mean protecting your space and energy by avoiding any unnecessary contact with the narcissist, even if they attempt to manipulate or guilt-trip you.

After narcissistic abuse, it’s easy to fall into the same patterns with a new partner who seems different at first but ultimately repeats the same cycle.

Learning to recognize red flags early is a part of counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

For instance love bombing, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and emotional invalidation, will help prevent repeating this painful experience. Taking time before entering a new relationship allows you to heal and build self-trust, so you can differentiate between genuine love and toxic attachment.

Raising your standards is also key—love should feel safe, consistent, and reciprocal, not like a rollercoaster of highs and lows.

Your body and brain store trauma from the abuse, keeping you in a state of hyper-vigilance, anxiety, or emotional numbness. Healing involves calming your nervous system and teaching your body that you are safe again.

Mindfulness and meditation can help break obsessive thoughts about the narcissist and reduce anxiety.

Physical movement, such as yoga, dancing, or even daily walks, helps release stored trauma from your body.

Deep breathing exercises can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, reducing fight-or-flight stress responses and bringing you back to a state of calm.

Recovery is not linear. Some days, you will feel strong and empowered, while other days, you may struggle with self-doubt, missing the narcissist, or even questioning whether the abuse was really that bad. This is normal.

The trauma bond does not break overnight, but with time, the pain fades, clarity grows, and you reclaim your power.

Every step forward—no matter how small—is a victory. You are not broken, and you are not alone. And, you are healing, and you deserve a life filled with peace, love, and self-respect.

The best revenge is healing and thriving beyond what the narcissist ever thought possible.

Understanding Codependency and Trauma Bonds Through Counseling After Narcissistic Abuse and Emotional Abuse

One of the hardest things to accept is why you continue staying in a toxic relationship despite knowing how much it hurts. The reason is often codependency, unresolved trauma, and a deep-seated fear of abandonment.

The Trauma Bond – Why It Feels Impossible to Leave and You Always Go Back

Narcissistic partners intermittently reinforce love and validation, which keeps you hooked. They might say or do something incredibly hurtful one day, then apologize and tell you they love you the next, making you feel hopeful that things will get better.

This cycle of abuse and affection creates an addiction-like attachment. It is called a trauma bond, where your brain craves their approval even though they continue to hurt you. This is the same as an addiction, but to a narcissistic person.

People-Pleasing and Fear of Rejection

If you grew up in a household where love was conditional, where you had to earn approval by being “good”, or where you had a parent who was emotionally unavailable, you may have unconsciously learned that your worth is tied to making others happy.

In your narcissistic, toxic relationship as an adult, this manifests as:

Ignoring your own feelings to prioritize your partner’s needs.

Feeling guilty for setting boundaries or saying no.

Thinking, “If I just try harder, they’ll love me the way I need them to.”

Believing that your partner’s happiness is your responsibility.

Gaslighting and Emotional Manipulation

Your narcissistic, emotionally abusive partner may have rewritten reality so many times that you’ve started to question your own perceptions.

They might say things like:

“You’re crazy, that never happened.”

“You’re too emotional. You always overreact.”

“I wouldn’t have said that if you didn’t push me.”

Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse gives you skills to recognize these abusive statements. From identifying them, you can set boundaries and/or end the connection.

Over time, you start doubting your own reality.

You wonder if you’re being unfair, if maybe you really are too sensitive. Gaslighting makes it hard to trust yourself, making you more dependent on your partner to define what’s “real”—which gives them even more control over you.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

You Hope The Narcissistic Person In Your Life Will Change

You hold onto the early version of them—the charming, affectionate person they were in the beginning. You remember the sweet words, the intimacy, the way they made you feel special.

Furthermore, you tell yourself, “If they were like that once, they can be like that again.”

But that version of them was never real. It was a mask used to hook you. Their real self is the one who belittles, ignores, and manipulates you. The person who truly loves you would never treat you this way.

Here are some specific examples of how narcissistic and emotional abuse can play out in conversations and fights within a romantic relationship. These examples illustrate how manipulation, gaslighting, blame-shifting, and emotional invalidation erode self-esteem and reinforce people-pleasing behavior.

Gaslighting and Denial

You: “You told me last week that we would have a date night tonight. I even confirmed it yesterday, but now you’re saying you never agreed to it.”
Partner: “I never said that. You must be imagining things. You’re always making up problems that don’t exist. Maybe if you weren’t so emotional all the time, you’d remember things correctly.”
(You begin doubting yourself, questioning your memory, and feeling ashamed for even bringing it up. You apologize, even though deep down you feel hurt.)

What Does Devaluation Look Like From A Narcissist?

Making You Feel Incompetent

You: “I finally finished that big project at work. It was a lot of work, but I’m really proud of it.”
Partner: (Rolls eyes and scoffs) “Oh please, it’s not like you cured cancer. Anyone could do that.”
(Your excitement instantly fades. Instead of feeling accomplished, you now feel like your hard work was insignificant. Over time, you stop sharing your achievements because they always find a way to make them seem unimportant.)

Comparing You to Others to Lower Your Confidence

You: “I was thinking about trying a new workout routine to get healthier.”
Partner: “Yeah, you probably should. Look at Jessica—she works out all the time, and it shows. Maybe if you put in some real effort, you’d actually look half as good as she does.”
(Instead of feeling motivated, you feel crushed. Their comparison makes you feel like you’re never enough, no matter what you do.)

Making You Feel Stupid in Conversations

You: “I read this really interesting article about how sleep affects mental health.”
Partner: (Smirks and speaks in a condescending tone) “Oh wow, look at you, trying to sound smart. That’s cute. You don’t even understand half of that stuff.”
(They belittle your intelligence, making you feel embarrassed for even trying to share something meaningful. Over time, you start doubting your own knowledge and avoid speaking up.)

Dismissing Your Emotions as Overreactions

You: “I felt really hurt when you ignored my texts all day.”
Partner: (Rolls eyes) “God, you’re so sensitive. It’s exhausting having to deal with your constant drama.”
(Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they make you feel like you’re a burden. You start suppressing your emotions to avoid being criticized.)

Making You Feel Like You’re Always the Problem

You: “I feel like you don’t appreciate me. I do so much for us, but it feels one-sided.”
Partner: (Laughs mockingly) “You? You barely do anything. If anything, I should be the one complaining. You’re lucky I even put up with you.”
(They flip the script, making you feel like you’re ungrateful or not enough, even though you give your all to the relationship.)

Belittling Your Interests and Hobbies

You: “I’ve been really enjoying my painting classes. It’s been such a great way to relax.”
Partner: (Shrugs) “That’s such a waste of time. You’ll never be any good at it. You should be focusing on something useful instead.”
(Instead of encouraging you, they tear you down, making you feel like your passions are silly or meaningless. You start feeling guilty for enjoying things that bring you happiness.)

Making You Feel Unattractive

You: “Do I look okay in this dress?”
Partner: (Sighs and gives you a once-over) “I mean… I guess it’s fine. Not your best look, though.”
(You feel self-conscious and insecure. Instead of feeling good in your own skin, you start second-guessing your appearance and seeking their approval.)

Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse gives you skills to identify healthy, genuine love verses unhealthy, toxic love.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Mocking You in Front of Others

You: (Excitedly sharing a story at a gathering) “So then, I finally figured out how to fix the problem, and—”
Partner: (Cuts you off, laughing) “Oh my god, you’re such a nerd. No one cares about that boring stuff.”
(The people around you laugh awkwardly, but inside, you feel humiliated. You shrink back, realizing they don’t respect you enough to let you speak.)

Making You Feel Like a Burden

You: “I’ve been feeling really down lately. I just need some support.”
Partner: (Groans and sighs dramatically) “Great. More of your issues for me to deal with. Can’t you just get over it?”
(Instead of comforting you, they make you feel like your feelings are an inconvenience. You start suppressing your emotions, afraid to ask for help.)

Acting Like They’re Superior to You

You: “I think I’d love to go back to school and get my degree in psychology.”
Partner: (Laughs mockingly) “Yeah, sure. Like you could ever handle that. You barely even manage your current job.”
(Instead of supporting your ambitions, they belittle you, making you doubt your own abilities. You start believing that you’re not capable of achieving your dreams.)

Dismissing Your Contributions in the Relationship

You: “I work so hard to keep everything running smoothly at home. I just want some appreciation.”
Partner: (Rolls eyes) “Oh please, what do you even do? I’m the one who actually works hard. You just sit around and whine.”
(They erase all the effort you put into the relationship, making you feel unimportant and taken for granted.)

Constantly Reminding You of Your ‘Flaws’

You: (Trying on a new outfit) “I think I actually like how this looks on me!”
Partner: “Really? With your body type? I wouldn’t be so sure.”
(Their words sting, making you feel self-conscious and insecure about your appearance. Over time, their criticism chips away at your self-esteem.)

Making You Feel Like You’re Never Enough

You: “I cleaned the whole house and cooked dinner. I thought it would make you happy.”
Partner: (Looks around with disapproval) “Yeah, but you missed a spot on the counter. And the food could have been better.”
(No matter how much effort you put in, it’s never enough. They always find a flaw, making you feel inadequate and unworthy of praise.)

Gaslighting You Into Questioning Your Worth

You: “I feel like you don’t love me anymore.”
Partner: (Scoffs) “Wow, you’re really desperate for attention, huh? Maybe if you weren’t so insecure, we wouldn’t have this problem.”
(Instead of addressing your concerns, they make you feel like you’re the problem. Over time, you start questioning whether your feelings are even valid.)

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Making You Feel Like You Should Be Grateful They’re With You

You: “I just want to feel loved and valued in this relationship.”
Partner: (Shrugs) “You’re lucky I even put up with you. No one else would.”
(Their words make you feel small, as if you’re not worthy of love. Instead of leaving, you work even harder to prove yourself, desperate to hold onto the relationship.)

The Impact of Devaluation

Over time, these patterns of belittling, talking down, and making you feel inferior chip away at your confidence. You begin to believe you’re not smart enough, attractive enough, or good enough. You become trapped in a cycle of trying to win their approval, even though they’ve already decided you’ll never be “enough” for them. Recognizing this process is the first step in breaking free from emotional abuse and reclaiming your self-worth.

Devaluation and Blame-Shifting

You: “I feel like you don’t really listen to me when I try to share my feelings. It’s like my emotions don’t matter to you.”
Partner: “Oh, here we go again! You’re always playing the victim. Maybe if you weren’t so needy and insecure, I wouldn’t have to tune you out all the time. No wonder I don’t want to talk to you—you’re exhausting!”
(Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they make you feel like the problem. You start wondering if you’re really being too sensitive and try to suppress your emotions in future conversations.)

Silent Treatment as Punishment From A Narcissistic Spouse, Family Member or Narcissistic Ex

You: “I don’t like how you called me stupid in front of your friends. That really hurt me.”
Partner: (Rolls eyes, crosses arms, and gives you the silent treatment for hours or even days.)
(You feel panicked and anxious, desperate to make things right, even though you were the one who was hurt. You end up apologizing just to get them to talk to you again.)

Silent Treatment After Expressing Your Feelings

You: “I feel really hurt by what you said last night. Can we talk about it?”
Partner: (Rolls eyes, crosses arms, and stares at their phone, ignoring you completely.)
(You sit there in silence, feeling small and dismissed. Hours pass, and they still refuse to engage. You start questioning whether your feelings were even valid, and eventually, you apologize just to get them to talk to you again.)

Ignoring Calls and Messages After a Fight

You: (Sends a text after an argument) “I’m really sorry about earlier. Can we please talk?”
Partner: (Leaves your message on ‘read’ for hours or even days, not responding.)
(You feel anxious and desperate, refreshing your phone, hoping they’ll reply. When they finally answer, they act as if nothing happened, making you feel crazy for even being upset.)

Walking Away and Refusing to Engage

You: “Can we please talk about what happened earlier? I don’t want us to go to bed angry.”
Partner: (Gets up, walks into another room, and slams the door shut.)
(You sit alone, feeling abandoned and emotionally stranded. You cry yourself to sleep, but in the morning, they act like nothing happened, refusing to acknowledge your pain.)

Withholding Quality Time as a Punishment

You: “Hey, I was hoping we could spend some time together tonight. Maybe watch a movie or go for a walk?”
Partner: “I’m busy.” (Spends the whole evening scrolling on their phone or playing video games, deliberately ignoring you.)
(You feel invisible in your own relationship. You try not to take it personally, but deep down, you wonder if you’re even important to them anymore.)

Giving the Silent Treatment Until You Apologize First

You: “I didn’t like the way you snapped at me earlier. Can we talk about it?”
Partner: (Says nothing, arms crossed, staring into space.)
(Hours go by, and they still refuse to acknowledge you. The weight of their silence becomes unbearable, so you finally break and say, “I’m sorry for upsetting you,” even though you weren’t in the wrong. They smirk and finally start talking again, reinforcing the pattern of you always being the one to fold.)

Canceling Plans as Punishment

You: “Are we still going out for dinner tonight like we planned?”
Partner: (Cold and dismissive) “No. I don’t feel like it anymore.”
(You feel crushed, knowing they’re punishing you for something without even telling you what you did wrong. Instead of standing up for yourself, you try even harder to please them in the future so they don’t withdraw again.)

Shutting Down Communication for Days

You: (After an argument) “Can we just talk and clear the air? I hate feeling like this.”
Partner: (Acts as if you don’t exist, refusing to acknowledge your presence for the next two days.)
(You feel emotionally abandoned, like a ghost in your own home. The silence eats away at you, making you feel guilty and desperate for their attention, even if you weren’t the one in the wrong.)

Refusing to Speak in Public to Maintain Control

You: (At a gathering with friends or family, trying to engage with your partner.) “Hey, are you okay? You’ve barely spoken to me all night.”
Partner: (Gives a cold glance and turns away, refusing to respond.)
(You feel humiliated and confused, trying to act normal in front of everyone while internally wondering what you did to deserve this treatment. You feel trapped, unable to address the issue without making a scene.)

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Using the Silent Treatment to Make You Feel Unstable

You: “I feel like you’re shutting me out. Did I do something wrong?”
Partner: (Still refuses to answer, giving you an emotionless stare.)
(You start second-guessing yourself, wondering if you’re just being dramatic. They make you feel like the problem, when in reality, their silence is a form of manipulation meant to make you break first.)

Pretending Everything Is Fine After Giving You the Silent Treatment

You: (After a full day of being ignored) “Are you ready to talk now?”
Partner: (Laughs as if nothing happened) “What are you talking about? I wasn’t ignoring you.”
(They gaslight you into believing that their silence never happened, making you feel crazy for even bringing it up. You start wondering if you were imagining things, reinforcing the cycle of self-doubt and emotional dependency.)

In all these situations, the silent treatment, ignoring calls, withholding quality time, and refusing to talk things out are used as powerful tools of manipulation. Over time, this behavior makes you feel invisible, anxious, and desperate for their approval, leading you to become a people-pleaser just to avoid the emotional pain of being shut out. Recognizing these patterns is essential to breaking free from the cycle of emotional abuse and reclaiming your sense of self-worth.

Control and Isolation

You: “I was thinking of having lunch with Sarah this weekend. We haven’t caught up in a while.”
Partner: “Why do you even want to see her? She’s a bad influence on you. I don’t like how she talks about me. Besides, shouldn’t you be spending time with me instead? If you actually loved me, you wouldn’t even want to hang out with other people.”
(They make you feel guilty for having relationships outside of them. Over time, you stop seeing your friends and feel isolated, relying only on them for emotional connection.)

Withholding Affection to Manipulate – A Narcissistic Spouse or Narcissistic Ex Does This Regularly

You: “I miss when we used to be affectionate. You barely touch me or say you love me anymore.”
Partner: “Maybe if you weren’t so annoying all the time, I’d feel like being affectionate with you. But you always find a way to ruin my mood.”
(You feel unlovable and start working even harder to please them, hoping that if you do everything right, they will finally show you love again.)

Using Affection as a Reward and Punishment

You: “I feel like you’ve been distant lately. Can we cuddle for a little while? I miss feeling close to you.”
Partner: (Pulls away and sighs) “Ugh, you’re so needy. I don’t feel like cuddling right now. Maybe if you weren’t always complaining, I’d actually want to be close to you.”
(You feel ashamed for wanting affection, questioning whether you’re asking for too much. Next time, you hold back from expressing your needs to avoid rejection.)

Withholding Physical Touch After an Argument

You: “I know we fought earlier, but can we talk and reconnect? I just want to feel close to you again.”
Partner: (Cold and dismissive) “No. I don’t feel like talking or touching you. You ruined my mood.”
(They leave you feeling emotionally stranded, making you desperate for their approval. You start blaming yourself for the argument, even if they were the one who hurt you.)

Denying a Kiss or Hug to Control You

You: (Leans in for a goodbye kiss before heading to work) “Bye, love. I’ll see you later!”
Partner: (Turns away, avoiding the kiss) “I don’t feel like kissing you right now. Maybe if you weren’t so annoying this morning, I’d actually want to.”
(You feel hurt and rejected, spending the rest of the day wondering what you did wrong. You make extra efforts to please them when you get home, hoping they’ll give you affection again.)

Making You Earn Physical Affection

You: “Can I have a hug? I just had a really stressful day.”
Partner: “What have you even done for me today? You’re always expecting things from me, but what about what I need?”
(They make affection conditional, making you feel like you must constantly prove your worth before receiving any warmth or closeness.)

Comparing You to the Past to Make You Feel Unworthy of Affection

You: “You used to kiss me so much when we first started dating. What changed?”
Partner: “Yeah, back when you were fun to be around. Maybe if you acted like you did back then, I’d want to be affectionate with you again.”
(They subtly blame you for their withdrawal, making you feel like you have to change yourself to earn their love again.)

Affection as a Manipulation Tool

You: (Reaches out for a hug after an argument) “Can we just move past this? I hate feeling like we’re disconnected.”
Partner: “Oh, so now you want a hug? After the way you treated me earlier? No thanks.”
(They hold back affection as a form of control, making you feel like you’re the problem even if they were the one who mistreated you.)

Physical Distance as a Form of Emotional Punishment

You: “Can we cuddle in bed tonight? I miss being close to you.”
Partner: (Rolls over, turning their back to you) “Not in the mood.”
(You feel emotionally shut out, like you no longer matter to them. You start wondering if you’ve done something wrong, even if nothing happened.)

Using Affection to Manipulate Apologies

You: (Reaches for a hug after an argument) “Can we just move on? I don’t want to fight anymore.”
Partner: “Not until you admit you were wrong and apologize properly.”
(They force you to take responsibility for everything, even if they hurt you. You end up apologizing just to restore closeness.)

In each of these scenarios, affection is used as a tool for control, leaving you feeling unworthy and starved for love. Over time, you may start internalizing the belief that you have to earn affection rather than receiving it freely in a loving relationship. Recognizing this pattern is crucial in breaking free from emotional manipulation and reclaiming your self-worth.

Shaming and Undermining Your Confidence

You: “I’m really proud of how I handled that work project today. My boss even complimented me!”
Partner: “Please, that’s nothing special. Anyone could do that. Stop acting like you’re some kind of genius. Maybe if you actually did something impressive, I’d be proud of you.”
(Instead of celebrating your achievements, they diminish them, making you feel like you will never be good enough.)

Making You Feel Responsible for Their Behavior

You: “Why did you lie to me about going out last night? I asked you directly, and you said you stayed home.”
Partner: “Well, maybe if you weren’t so controlling and insecure, I wouldn’t have to lie. You always overreact to everything, so I just didn’t want to deal with your drama.”
(They avoid accountability and blame you for their dishonest actions, making you feel guilty for even questioning them.)

Each of these interactions reinforces the toxic dynamic where you feel small, unheard, and emotionally drained. Over time, you may find yourself prioritizing their happiness over your own, afraid of upsetting them, and suppressing your feelings to keep the peace. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free and reclaiming your self-worth.

Sadly, Many People Pleasers Have Low Self-Esteem Due To Emotional Abuse and Narcissistic Abuse In Childhood

People pleasers often struggle with low self-esteem because their sense of self-worth is tied to external validation rather than internal confidence. Here’s why:

Childhood Conditioning & Approval-Seeking

Many people pleasers grew up in environments where love and approval were conditional. If they only received praise when they were “good,” “helpful,” or “self-sacrificing,” they learned that their value depended on meeting others’ needs. This makes them prioritize making others happy over their own well-being, reinforcing the belief that they are only “enough” when they are useful to someone else.

Fear of Rejection & Abandonment

At the core of people-pleasing is often a deep fear of rejection. If someone equates love with being agreeable, they may avoid conflict at all costs—even if it means suppressing their true feelings, wants, and boundaries. Over time, this erodes self-esteem because they feel unworthy unless they are “earning” love and acceptance.

Lack of Personal Boundaries

Low self-esteem and weak boundaries go hand in hand. People pleasers struggle to say “no,” fearing it will disappoint others or cause conflict. This results in emotional exhaustion and resentment, making them feel powerless in relationships. Their inability to stand up for their needs reinforces the belief that their needs don’t matter as much as others’.

Perfectionism & Self-Criticism

Many people pleasers have an inner critic that tells them they must be perfect to be loved. They hold themselves to unrealistic standards and constantly feel like they are not doing enough. This perfectionism fuels low self-esteem because no amount of approval ever feels “good enough” to compensate for their self-doubt.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse helps you identify when you may be suppressing you authenticity

Because they are so focused on making others happy, people pleasers often disconnect from their true selves. They may not even know what they genuinely want or need because they’ve spent so much time prioritizing others. This leads to a feeling of emptiness and a weakened sense of identity, further lowering self-esteem.

Dependence on External Validation

Rather than feeling confident in their own worth, people pleasers rely on others’ approval to feel good about themselves. If they receive validation, they feel momentarily “worthy,” but when approval is withdrawn, their self-worth plummets. This creates an exhausting cycle of constantly seeking reassurance.

Wisdom Within Counseling Helps You Rebuild Self-Esteem After Narcissistic Abuse and Emotional Abuse

To build self-esteem, counseling helps people pleasers:

Recognize their worth is not based on what they do for others.
Set boundaries and practice saying “no” without guilt.
Focus on self-care and validating their own feelings.
Challenge negative self-talk and perfectionist tendencies.
Learn to tolerate discomfort when others are displeased.

By shifting from external validation to self-acceptance, people pleasers can reclaim their confidence and develop a healthier, more authentic sense of self-worth.

How Wisdom Within Counseling Can Help You Develop Healthy Relationship Skills

If you’re feeling stuck, lost, or emotionally exhausted, therapy can help you break free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse and develop the skills to create healthy, fulfilling relationships. At Wisdom Within Counseling, you’ll work with a therapist who understands the deep psychological wounds caused by narcissistic relationships and will guide you toward healing and self-empowerment.

Here’s how therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling can help:

Understanding Narcissistic Abuse and Codependency

The first step is recognizing that the narcissistic abuse you’ve experienced isn’t normal or healthy. Therapy helps you understand the patterns of narcissistic relationships and why you’ve been drawn to them. Knowledge is power—you can’t change what you don’t understand.

Rebuilding Your Self-Worth In Counseling After Narcissistic Abuse and Emotional Abuse

Years of emotional abuse might have left you feeling unworthy, invisible, or broken. Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse helps you reconnect with yourself.

As well, in therapy after narcissistic abuse helps you rediscover your strengths, passions, and needs. And, your therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling, you can develop the belief that you deserve real love, respect, and kindness.

Setting and Enforcing Boundaries

One of the most important skills you’ll learn is how to set and maintain boundaries—even when it feels uncomfortable.

Boundaries protect your emotional energy and help you stop overextending yourself for people who don’t appreciate you.

In therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling, you’ll practice:

• Saying no without guilt.
• Recognizing and leaving toxic situations sooner.
• Protecting your time, emotions, and self-worth.

Healing from Emotional Trauma and Betrayal

If your partner has betrayed, manipulated, or belittled you, those wounds run deep. Therapy helps you process the pain of abandonment, rejection, and emotional neglect so that you don’t carry these wounds into future relationships.

Learning Secure Attachment and Emotional Independence

Many people trapped in narcissistic relationships grew up in environments where love was inconsistent, conditional, or emotionally unavailable. Therapy helps you unlearn those patterns and develop secure attachment skills, so you no longer feel drawn to toxic relationships.

Finding the Strength to Leave or Emotionally Detach

Leaving a narcissistic partner isn’t easy, especially when you feel emotionally dependent on them.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling provides you with the tools to:

Emotionally detach from their manipulation.

Gain clarity on whether to stay or leave.

Develop the strength to walk away if needed.

Navigate co-parenting or separation with confidence.

Learning How to Attract Healthy Love

Once you break free from the people-pleasing cycle, you can start learning what a healthy relationship looks like. Therapy helps you:

Identify and attract emotionally available partners.

Build relationships based on mutual respect, love, and care.

Recognize when a relationship is toxic or unhealthy before you get too invested.

You Deserve More Than Just Surviving—You Deserve to Thrive Through Counseling After Narcissistic Abuse and Emotional Abuse

You don’t have to keep suffering, hoping for change that will never come. You don’t have to beg for love from someone who is incapable of giving it. You are enough, just as you are.

If you’re ready to take the first step toward breaking free from toxic relationship patterns, Wisdom Within Counseling is here to help. Therapy will empower you to heal, grow, and finally experience the kind of love you truly deserve—starting with self-love.

Are you ready to reclaim your life through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse? Schedule your first session today.

Are you stuck being a people pleaser with low self-esteem?

People-Pleasing and How to Overcome It

Have you ever found yourself saying “yes” to something you didn’t want to do, just to avoid disappointing someone? Do you feel guilty when you put your own needs first? If so, you might be a people-pleaser.

People-pleasing is the habit of constantly prioritizing others’ needs and feelings over your own, often at the expense of your own happiness and well-being. While it might seem like a kind and selfless trait, the truth is that it can be emotionally exhausting and even harmful in the long run.

The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing

At first glance, being a people-pleaser might not seem like a bad thing. After all, isn’t it good to be thoughtful and considerate?

The problem is that when you constantly try to make others happy, you often neglect your own needs. Over time, this can lead to stress, burnout, and even resentment.

Over time, this can lead to exhaustion and resentment. You might feel like you’re being taken advantage of, or worse, that people only like you because you always say “yes.” This can make you feel trapped in a cycle where your worth is based on how much you do for others, rather than who you truly are.

Think about it—if you’re always putting others first, who’s looking out for you? You might find yourself overcommitted, stretched too thin, and struggling to say “no” even when you really need to. This can leave you feeling exhausted and unappreciated, especially if people start taking advantage of your kindness. The more you give without setting boundaries, the more others may expect from you, creating a cycle that’s hard to break.

To begin, click below to start in counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Why Do People Become People-Pleasers?

People-pleasing often stems from a deep desire for validation and acceptance. You might worry that saying “no” will make others dislike you or think you’re selfish. Maybe you grew up in an environment where love and approval were conditional. With a narcissistic or emotionally abusive parent, you learned to people please. So, you learned that being agreeable was the best way to keep the peace.

Fear of conflict is another common reason. If you hate confrontation, it might seem easier to go along with what others want rather than risk an argument. But avoiding conflict doesn’t make it disappear—it just builds up inside you, leading to frustration and emotional exhaustion.

People-pleasing often comes from a deep fear of rejection or conflict. Maybe you grew up believing that love and acceptance were based on how much you did for others. Or perhaps you’ve had experiences where standing up for yourself led to criticism or guilt. Over time, this fear can make you believe that saying “no” is selfish—even when setting boundaries is actually a healthy and necessary part of any relationship.

Breaking Free from People-Pleasing

So how do you stop being a people-pleaser? The first step is recognizing that your needs and feelings matter just as much as anyone else’s.

Here are some ways to break the cycle through counseling:

Learn to Say No –

You don’t have to explain yourself or feel guilty for setting limits. A simple, “I appreciate the offer, but I can’t,” is enough.

Set Boundaries –

If someone constantly asks for favors but never gives back, it’s okay to protect your time and energy. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect.

Prioritize Your Own Needs –

It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. In fact, when you’re mentally and emotionally healthy, you’re in a better position to help others without feeling drained.

Get Comfortable with Discomfort –

Not everyone will be happy with your boundaries, and that’s okay. You can’t control how others react, but you can control how you respond.

Practice Self-Compassion –

Remind yourself that you’re worthy of love and respect, even if you don’t always say “yes” to others.

Start at Wisdom Within Counseling

People-pleasing might feel like the easiest way to keep relationships smooth, but in reality, it often leads to exhaustion and resentment.

If you constantly put others before yourself, you’ll eventually lose sight of your own needs and happiness. Learning to set boundaries, say no, and prioritize yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. The more you respect yourself, the more others will learn to respect you too.

So next time you feel pressured to please everyone around you, ask yourself: Am I doing this because I want to, or because I feel like I have to? The answer might just change your life.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Codependency and People-Pleasing When You Have a Narcissistic or Emotionally Abusive Family Member

If you grew up with a narcissistic or emotionally abusive family member, you may have spent your childhood walking on eggshells, trying to manage their emotions, and sacrificing your own needs to keep the peace.

As a result, you may struggle with codependency and people-pleasing in your adult relationships, often prioritizing others’ needs above your own, feeling guilty when setting boundaries, and fearing rejection or abandonment.

Understanding the roots of these behaviors and learning how to heal from them is essential for reclaiming your sense of self and building healthy, reciprocal relationships.

To begin, click below for counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Understanding Codependency

Codependency is a pattern of emotional and behavioral conditioning where you excessively rely on another person for validation, approval, and self-worth.

If you grew up in a home with a narcissistic or emotionally abusive parent, sibling, or relative, you likely learned that love was conditional. You may have been praised when you met their expectations and punished—through emotional withdrawal, criticism, or manipulation—when you asserted independence or displeased them.

What Are Signs of Codependency?

If you have codependent tendencies because of past emotional abuse from a narcissistic person, ex, or family member, you may:

Feel responsible for others’ emotions, believing that if they are upset, it must be your fault.

Struggle to express your own needs, often suppressing them to avoid conflict.

Have difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries, fearing that doing so will lead to rejection or abandonment.

Seek validation from others, feeling unworthy unless you are needed or praised.

Feel anxious when you are not actively taking care of or fixing someone else’s problems.

Experience guilt or shame when prioritizing yourself, as if self-care is selfish.

Stay in toxic relationships because you feel obligated to “fix” the other person.

People-Pleasing Becomes A Survival Mechanism

People-pleasing is a specific aspect of codependency that often develops in response to an unpredictable, emotionally abusive, or narcissistic family member.

If you grew up in an environment where love and approval were inconsistent, you may have learned that pleasing others was the only way to feel safe and accepted.

Narcissistic family members often use love as a form of control. They may give affection and attention when you cater to their needs but withdraw or punish you when you assert independence. Over time, this teaches you to prioritize their happiness over your own well-being.

How People-Pleasing Manifests in Your Life

You say “yes” when you mean “no.”

You may feel compelled to agree to requests, even when they overwhelm or inconvenience you, because you fear conflict or disappointing others.

Suppressing your emotions?

Instead of expressing your anger, sadness, or frustration, you push these feelings aside to avoid upsetting those around you.

You over-apologize.

You may say sorry frequently, even when you have done nothing wrong, because you feel responsible for others’ discomfort.

Struggling with making decisions?

When you’re conditioned to prioritize others, making choices for yourself can feel unfamiliar or even paralyzing.

You feel exhausted and resentful.

Constantly prioritizing others without receiving the same level of care in return can leave you drained and frustrated.

How a Narcissistic or Emotionally Abusive Family Member Creates This Dynamic

Narcissistic or emotionally abusive family members thrive on control, power, and emotional manipulation.

Their behavior reinforces your codependent and people-pleasing tendencies in the following ways:

Gaslighting:

They may distort reality to make you doubt your own perceptions and feelings. If you express hurt or frustration, they may tell you that you are “too sensitive” or “overreacting,” causing you to question yourself.

Emotional Withholding:

They may withhold love, affection, or approval when you do not meet their expectations, making you feel unworthy unless you comply with their demands.

Excessive Criticism:

They may constantly belittle or criticize you, making you feel like you are never good enough, which fuels your need to prove yourself by people-pleasing.

Guilt-Tripping:

They may make you feel selfish for prioritizing yourself, using statements like, “After all I’ve done for you, you can’t even do this one thing for me?”

Playing the Victim:

If you try to set a boundary, they may act wounded and accuse you of being cruel or ungrateful, making you feel guilty for standing up for yourself.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

In counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse, your therapist will help you break the cycle of settling for breadcrumbs.

Breadcrumbs are those small, inconsistent moments of affection that keep you hooked in a toxic relationship. When you stop accepting breadcrumbs, you can also finally stop begging for love, attention, and validation from someone who only gives it on their terms.

Narcissists condition you to accept the bare minimum by using intermittent reinforcement, where they give just enough love to keep you attached but never enough to truly meet your emotional needs.

Your therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling will help you recognize this manipulation and shift your mindset so that you no longer seek validation from someone incapable of giving you real love.

Through therapy after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse, you will work on strengthening your self-worth so that your value is no longer tied to your partner’s approval.

Instead of chasing after their affection or being guilt-tripped into believing you are the problem, you will learn to affirm your own worth and stop seeking love from someone who withholds it as a form of control. Your therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling will guide you in setting firm emotional boundaries.

As well, your therapist will help you break free from the cycle of needing external validation and teaching you how to meet your own emotional needs in a healthy, self-empowered way.

Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse will also help you unlearn the deep-seated patterns that may stem from childhood wounds.

Perhaps, you were taught to work for love or felt responsible for someone else’s emotions.

If your partner’s anger, dismissiveness, or emotional distance reminds you of a parent who was also emotionally unavailable, your therapist will help you process these wounds so that you stop repeating the cycle.

Healing the inner child and learning to self-soothe will allow you to stop seeking love from people who cannot give it and instead focus on nurturing yourself.

Therapy after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse includes emotional processing, self-compassion exercises, and learning to trust your own feelings.

From there, you will grow into a version of yourself that no longer settles for breadcrumbs or chases after narcissistic romantic partners who make you feel small.

Over time, you will begin to see that real love is not something you have to beg for—it is consistent, reciprocal, and freely given.

Your therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling will support you in recognizing the difference.

As well, you gain skills to break free from toxic attachment, and rebuilding a life where you are loved and valued for exactly who you are.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Healing from Codependency and People-Pleasing

Healing from codependency and people-pleasing requires unlearning deeply ingrained behaviors and replacing them with self-empowering habits. Here’s how you can start reclaiming your identity:

Recognize the Pattern

The first step is awareness. Start observing when you automatically prioritize others over yourself, feel guilty for saying no, or seek validation to feel worthy. Recognizing these moments allows you to make conscious choices rather than operating on autopilot.

Set Boundaries Without Guilt

Boundaries are essential for protecting your mental and emotional health. You have the right to say no without explanation. Start small—declining a request that doesn’t align with your needs or taking time for yourself without feeling the need to justify it.

Practice phrases like:

• “I’m not available for that.”
• “That doesn’t work for me.”
• “I need to prioritize my own well-being.”

Rebuild Your Self-Worth

Your value does not come from what you do for others. Practice self-affirmations such as:

• “I am enough just as I am.”
• “I deserve love and respect, even when I say no.”
• “My needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.”

Release the Fear of Disapproval

Not everyone will approve of your boundaries, and that’s okay. If someone reacts negatively, it’s a sign that they benefited from your lack of boundaries. You are not responsible for managing their disappointment.

Learn to Sit with Discomfort

If you are used to suppressing your needs to keep the peace, prioritizing yourself may feel uncomfortable at first. That discomfort is part of the healing process. It means you’re breaking old patterns and creating a healthier way of relating to others.

Seek Support from Healthy Relationships

Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries, validate your feelings, and encourage your growth. If you don’t have those relationships yet, therapy or support groups for codependency (such as Co-Dependents Anonymous) can be incredibly beneficial.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Reclaiming Your Life

Healing from codependency and people-pleasing takes time, but each small step you take toward prioritizing yourself is a victory. You deserve relationships that are built on mutual respect, not control or guilt. And, you are not responsible for fixing or managing anyone else’s emotions—your only responsibility is to yourself.

By learning to honor your own needs, set healthy boundaries, and embrace your worth, you reclaim the freedom to live life on your terms. And that is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

What Are Signs of Healthy Love in a Romantic Relationship After Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse?

Escaping a relationship marked by narcissistic and emotional abuse can feel like breaking free from a storm. After enduring manipulation, control, gaslighting, and emotional neglect, stepping into a healthy romantic relationship can feel foreign. Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse can make healthy love seen too calm. You might be used to chaos, chasing, and begging for breadcrumbs.

You may question what real love looks like or whether you are capable of experiencing it.

Through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse, you can begin to heal and recognize the hallmarks of a truly loving partnership.

Below are the key signs of healthy love after surviving an abusive relationship.

A healthy relationship provides a deep sense of emotional safety. Unlike your previous experience, where you may have walked on eggshells to avoid conflict or criticism, a loving partner makes you feel secure. Emotional safety means feeling comfortable expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of judgment or retaliation.

It means knowing your partner listens with empathy and seeks to understand rather than dismiss your emotions. Trusting that your partner’s words and actions align reduces confusion or second-guessing their intentions. Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse can help you have a safe place to talk and reflect on your new relationship.

A hallmark of a toxic relationship is the constant erosion of personal boundaries.

In a healthy relationship, your boundaries are honored without resistance or resentment.

Your partner respects your need for personal space, time alone, or time with friends and family. They do not push, guilt-trip, or manipulate you into actions that make you uncomfortable. They seek consent in all aspects of the relationship, from physical intimacy to emotional sharing.

After experiencing the emotional volatility of a narcissistic partner, communication in a healthy relationship feels open and peaceful.

Conversations do not escalate into yelling, name-calling, or silent treatment.

Both partners are willing to resolve conflicts with mutual respect rather than blame or gaslighting. You can express your needs and concerns without fear of emotional withdrawal or punishment.

Narcissistic and emotionally abusive relationships often involve love bombing followed by devaluation and emotional withdrawal. In contrast, a healthy partner is consistent in their affection, attention, and actions. They follow through on promises and commitments, provide reassurance through actions rather than just words, and maintain a stable, predictable emotional presence instead of emotional highs and lows. Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse allows you to see that a healthy relationship isn’t hot and cold.

In an abusive relationship, your independence may have been stifled as your partner sought to control you.

A loving relationship encourages your growth, autonomy, and happiness.

As well, a supportive partner encourages your personal goals, career, and hobbies without jealousy or sabotage. They celebrate your successes instead of making you feel guilty or overshadowing your achievements. They give you space to be yourself without demanding constant attention or validation.

Abusive relationships often involve conditional love, where affection is given only when you meet certain expectations. In a healthy relationship, love is expressed freely and unconditionally.

A loving partner regularly expresses appreciation without expecting something in return. Physical and emotional intimacy are reciprocal and respectful. There is no criticism of your body, your smell, your sounds, or your needs. You feel valued for who you are, not just for what you provide to the relationship.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

After being in a toxic relationship, you may be accustomed to manipulation, mind games, and passive-aggressive behavior.

A healthy partner communicates directly and honestly. There is no ghosting, silent treatment, or sudden emotional withdrawal. They do not use others to make you feel insecure. Instead, the relationship is built on honesty and transparency rather than secrecy and deceit. Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse gives you skills to identify the silent treatment or emotional avoidance, so you can get out sooner than later.

One of the most powerful signs of a healthy relationship is that you feel at peace with yourself.

Instead of constant self-doubt or anxiety, you experience a sense of inner calm and stability in your emotions in a healthy relationship.

You feel confident in your own decisions without needing excessive validation. As well, you can laugh, relax, and experience joy without fearing it will be taken away.

Healing after a toxic relationship takes time, and counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse is a vital part of the journey.

Therapy can help you unlearn toxic relationship patterns and rebuild self-esteem. It can teach you to recognize red flags early to avoid falling into another abusive dynamic.

Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse can also help you develop emotional resilience and self-trust to create a loving and healthy relationship.

A loving relationship should never feel like a battlefield or a constant emotional struggle.

With time, self-work, and possibly professional guidance, you can step into a partnership that nurtures, respects, and uplifts you. By embracing healthy love, you allow yourself to experience the deep emotional connection you deserve.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

If you’ve endured narcissistic abuse or emotional abuse, you may feel broken, unworthy, or lost in self-doubt.

The effects of manipulation, gaslighting, and constant criticism can strip away your confidence, making it hard to trust yourself or others. At Wisdom Within Counseling, our team of therapists specializes in helping you regain your sense of self through specialized counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Narcissistic and emotional abuse often involve subtle but deeply damaging patterns, including gaslighting, blame-shifting, and emotional withholding. Over time, these toxic dynamics can erode your self-esteem and make you question your own reality. In therapy, you’ll learn to identify these patterns and understand how they have affected your self-worth. Recognizing the abuse for what it was is an important step toward reclaiming your inner strength.

Years of emotional abuse can make you doubt your own thoughts and feelings, leaving you feeling lost or unsure of yourself.

Our therapists will guide you in reconnecting with your authentic self so you can trust your intuition and regain the confidence that was taken from you.

Therapy provides a safe, supportive space where you can begin to break free from self-doubt and step into a new, empowered version of yourself.

Feelings of shame, self-blame, and fear don’t just disappear after leaving an abusive relationship. Often, survivors of emotional trauma carry emotional wounds that need healing and processing.

Through specialized counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse, you’ll have the opportunity to release guilt, work through painful emotions, and develop emotional resilience. Healing is a journey, and with the right support, you can move forward with self-compassion and self-acceptance.

Many survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle with setting boundaries due to past conditioning, often feeling guilty for asserting their needs.

At Wisdom Within Counseling, our therapists trained in narcissistic abuse will help you understand the importance of boundaries.

Our narcissistic abuse therapists guide you in creating firm, healthy limits that protect your emotional well-being. Learning to say no without fear, prioritizing your own needs, and surrounding yourself with supportive, non-toxic people will help you regain control of your life.

Abuse may have made you feel unworthy of love, respect, or happiness, but that is not your truth. Therapy after narcissistic abuse helps you replace negative self-talk with self-compassion.

Counseling for narcissistic abuse recovery empowers you to step into your full potential with confidence. By working through limiting beliefs and rediscovering your inherent worth, you’ll begin to rebuild your self-esteem and see yourself through a new, empowered lens.

Narcissistic and emotional abuse often involve silencing your thoughts, needs, and desires. You may have been conditioned to put others first while neglecting your own voice.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

In therapy for narcissistic abuse recovery, you’ll practice assertiveness skills, allowing you to express yourself freely and without fear.

Reclaiming your voice is a vital part of the healing process, helping you communicate your needs and stand strong in your truth.

You are not defined by your past. With guidance from our compassionate therapists, you’ll gain the tools to rebuild a fulfilling life—one filled with self-love, joy, and healthy relationships. You deserve to feel whole again.

Our team at Wisdom Within Counseling is here to support you through specialized counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse. Reach out today to start your journey toward healing, confidence, and self-empowerment.

Counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse incorporates art, walking therapies, somatic yoga therapy, and holistic positive coping skills.

After narcissistic abuse, reconnecting with your body and emotions through creative and movement-based therapies is essential for rebuilding self-worth. Narcissistic relationships leave deep emotional wounds. As well, emotional abuse makes you feel disconnected from yourself, trapped in self-doubt, and stuck in a cycle of overthinking.

Art in therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling provides a non-verbal way to express suppressed emotions. Being creative helps you process pain, reclaim your creativity, and visualize a future beyond the abuse. The act of creating allows you to release shame and guilt and reconnect with your authentic self in a safe, nurturing way.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Yoga therapy is another powerful tool, as it encourages self-acceptance, mindfulness, and body awareness.

Narcissistic abuse often leaves you feeling small and unworthy, but through yoga, you can regain a sense of strength and empowerment. The mindful breathwork and movement help regulate your nervous system, reducing anxiety and helping you feel grounded in the present moment. Yoga therapy also teaches you self-compassion, allowing you to reconnect with your body in a way that feels safe and healing. In counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse, you gain breathing skills, gentle stretches, and connection to yourself.

Somatic therapies, including breathwork, trauma-informed movement, and body-focused healing, help release stored trauma from the body. Narcissistic abuse often keeps you trapped in a fight-or-flight response. Fear of future abuse makes it difficult to feel calm or safe.

Somatic therapies for trauma help you become more in tune with physical sensations, breaking the cycle of emotional numbness and self-neglect.

As you practice listening to your body’s needs, you rebuild self-trust and confidence, reinforcing the idea that you deserve care, love, and safety.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

Walking therapy, whether in nature or as part of a mindfulness practice, provides a powerful way to process emotions while engaging in gentle movement. Being outside, breathing fresh air, and moving your body help shift stagnant energy and provide clarity. Walking therapy encourages self-reflection and creates space to reframe negative self-beliefs. As well, walk and talk therapy allowing you to develop a stronger sense of self-worth. With each step forward, you reinforce the idea that you are moving beyond the past and stepping into a future where you are in control of your own healing.

These holistic approaches work together to rebuild self-worth by strengthening the mind-body connection, releasing trauma, and fostering self-love.

Instead of feeling trapped in the damaging messages left by the narcissist, you learn to trust yourself.

Holistic counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse helps you embrace your emotions. And, you can gain education and skills to step into a life where you are worthy of respect, whole, and free.

Click below to rebuild confidence and self-esteem through counseling after narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.