Marriage can be complicated. If you’ve ever lived with someone before, you know people don’t always agree on anything. However, being married is much different than having a roommate. When two people with different personalities come together, it’s normal to sometimes be angry at each other. Anger expression and anger management in a marriage differs from marriage to marriage. Unfortunately, many people try to swallow their anger only to develop bad habits. Also, other couples can’t manage their anger, which quickly turns to rage and criticism.
Marriage, especially when you are parents, isn’t always easy. However, it can provide you a reason to learn about how to manage your anger. In this article, we’ll discuss anger in your marriage and how to reduce it.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for anger management in marriage therapy for a loving connection.
Types of Anger in Married Life
Not all anger is the same. There are some types of anger that stem from everyday annoyances. For instance, your partner may forget to take out the trash and your kitchen gets smelly. Or, your spouse may forget your dog’s vet appointment. Then, there’s anger that stems from conflict or prolonged bitterness. Sometimes, couples get into frustrating fights and conflicts from these smaller annoyances building up. Essentially, for some couples, there is a snowball effect to anger management. Couples therapy and marriage counseling can help reduce high conflict arguments.
What Can You Do About Everyday Annoyances?
When you live with someone, you’re bound to get annoyed by some of their behavior. Maybe, your partner chews with their mouth open or talks while eating. And, this truly gets under your skin and annoys you. Or, maybe you become enraged due to past issues that feel they need attention. One common everyday annoyance is a wife getting annoyed that her husband takes off his socks in the living room. Even people in the happiest of marriages experience this type of anger from everyday scenarios can lead to conflict. Sometimes, couples get stuck in a negative, critical interaction that is hurtful. As well, no matter how minor they are, if emotions are being ignored, it can lead to divorce.
Conflict in Your Marriage
Over time, mild annoyances you have with your spouse can turn into conflict. For example, one day, you might be annoyed that your spouse doesn’t clean up after him or herself. However, after a few years, the annoyance grows until there’s tension and anger in your marriage. To add, commonly, tension can start small and grows as everyday annoyances and disagreements build.
Many times, couples don’t have the skills or tools to address their angry parts and emotions.
Instead, they avoid sharing, stop talking together, and stop confiding in one another. Also, some couples who have anger management issues get into intense, yelling arguments. Unfortunately, couples commonly get stuck in a negative communication cycle of frustrating arguments. Marriage therapy and couples counseling help couples talk about what is underneath anger. Often, there are hurt, sad, hopeless emotions that are quite painful to share.
Bitterness, Anger, and Resentment in Marriage Counseling
After you have been in your romantic relationship for a while, you might experience some type of bitterness. Perhaps, you and your spouse go through a difficult time after having children. Maybe, one of your siblings is struggling and this leads to stress. Often, family and personal matters can easily cause marital tension. Sometimes, you feel like you’re past it until the anger slowly builds up inside you over time. And, you realize you blame your spouse for something.
Spouses can blame each other for just about anything, and that turns into bitterness.
For example, if one spouse needs to move for a better job opportunity, the other spouse might grow bitter they had to move away from their family. Family and couples therapy is a safe place to process loss, grief, change, and tend to the emotions under anger. Marriage counseling offers couples an opportunity to heal together from the painful events of life. Often, couples don’t know how to validate each other. Stuck in a negative, high conflict cycle of fighting, couples keep bashing and criticizing each other. To add, couples therapy can be a safe place to turn frustration and anger into hope, healing, and connection.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for anger management in marriage therapy for a loving connection.
Angry Outbursts in Relationships
Anger can make us do things we regret, such as having outbursts. Also, this is because a second emotion typically accompanies it. Maybe, there is hurt, loss, grief, sadness, or fear. For example, you might feel angry when you stub your toe because you’re in pain. And, this also applies to your marriage conflicts and anger management skills. The same thing can be said for building a happy, loving marriage. When your spouse hurts your feelings or frustrates you, it is easy to get angry. It is easier to show anger because it acts as a form of protection. Anger is building a wall up over your heart.
Marriage therapy for anger management helps couples feel safe being vulnerable emotionally together.
Building emotional connection is part of reducing anger in conflicts. Often, anger management skills help couples truly share what they feel. Instead of yelling or slamming doors, you and your spouse can easily talk about sadness or hurt. Right now, it might feel like you and your spouse are often angry. At Wisdom Within Counseling, the team of marriage counselors specialize in helping high conflict couples bring back playfulness, joy, and love.
It’s important to note that not all anger is the same.
You might feel angry when you care about something deeply, such as your marriage. As well, it is common to feel mad and angry when outraged by something you see on the news. Maybe, social injustice causes you to get angry and upset. On that note, anything you are passionate about can lead to intense emotions of anger, jealousy, and frustration.
How To Tell When Anger Management Skills Are Necessary?
Your body may show that you are angry in different ways. For instance, there is anger that makes your palms sweat. And, there is anger that causes your head to hurt and ache. As well, sometimes, when you feel angry, you stop talking and shut down. Other times, when you feel mad or angry, you yell, get serious, and get stern. Angry outbursts can happen with any type of anger. Crying, rage, irritability, and brain fog are all symptoms fo anger. Sometimes, romantic partners feel like distant, angry, fighting roommates. Not knowing how to release or manage anger will cause problems in your marriage. So, it’s important to learn how to manage anger for your marriage to be happy and successful.
Reducing Anger in Marriage
Think First
Anger is a healthy emotion. However, how you react to feeling angry might be unhealthy. It’s always important to take a few seconds to think before you act on your emotions. You can think about anything, including whether it’s worth it to be angry. Also, think about the outcome of your actions if you act on your emotions. Sometimes, you or your spouse may say something you don’t mean, but is hurtful. Couples therapy with a focus on anger management can support apologizing. At Wisdom Within Counseling, the team of family and marriage counselors specialize in helping fighting, arguing, conflicting couples bring back connection, hope, appreciation, and love.
How to reduce anger in marital conflicts?
Thinking first will prevent you from acting irresponsibly or saying things you don’t mean. Of course, thinking before you act takes practice. But, it’s something that can allow you a few minutes to consider how you should handle your emotions, especially when someone else has made you angry. As well, your marriage therapist can help you figure out the first time you felt angry. Often, anger is a feeling that you do not learn how to manage until adulthood when you find yourself in a marriage.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for anger management in marriage therapy for a loving connection.
Talk It Out
Instead of swallowing your anger, talk it out with your spouse. Often, spouse turn on the TV and try to numb out. But, instead, share in a calm, gentle way, that you feel upset. To add, it is okay to calmly tell your spouse why you’re angry. However, do not do it by yelling. This way, they can have a chance to consider their actions. Talking about why you’re upset can help you easily manage your emotions. As well, you can speak clearly and calmly to let your partner know they did something to make you unhappy. However, it’s important not to play the blame game when talking it out. Try to see things from their side. Remember, it is valid to feel anger, but release it calmly. It is never okay to throw things or hit anyone when angry.
Listen
Part of talking about your anger with your partner is listening to them. When you’re angry, you may feel that you’re justified no matter what. However, hearing your partner’s side of the story can help you understand things from their point of view. Often, both people are feeling upset, hurt, or left out and needing to talk it out. It’s also important to understand that not listening to your partner when you’re angry can exacerbate the situation. If you find that you can’t be around your spouse while you’re angry, learn to walk away. Remember, giving yourself permission to step away, take a breath, and relax is positive. Often, taking time to think will help prevent you from saying something you’ll regret later.
What coping tools can help my anger management and my marriage?
If you find yourself so triggered or upset that you can’t listen, use you coping tools. Remember, if you are angry, the only person who can calm you down is you. Take a shower or having a glass of cool water can help. To note, if you are too angry to listen, you are probably too angry and upset to talk in that moment. Using your positive coping tools can help you make a positive choice about release anger. When you stop listening to your spouse, they’ll get angry. At Wisdom Within Counseling, the team of marriage therapists specialize in helping distant, upset, hopeless couples bring back togetherness, spice, and passion.
How to break the cycle of angry, high conflict fights through marriage therapy?
Often, yelling, being angry, or talking when upset will start the cycle of fighting and conflict all over. It is so easy to try to convince your partner. Or, try to explain your side over and over. When one person tries to offer a repair attempt, the other person is still too angry to accept the offer. As well, some couples get stuck in a cycle of which person has a better plan to solve the problem. Frequently, couples get stuck in a cycle of being angry at each other instead of teaming up against the problem. Instead, marriage therapy teaches that it is best to try to team up against the conflict or problem. Without professional marriage therapy for high conflict couples, angry feelings become habitual.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for anger management in marriage therapy for a loving connection.
Solve Problems Together
Everyday annoyance can turn into much larger problems if they aren’t addressed. You and your partner might go through stressful situations together. In turn, this causes anger because you’re both worried about something. Instead of letting your stress and anger get the better of you both, learn how to deal with these annoyances together. Together you and your partner can come up with solutions to problems that might cause stress and anger in your marriage. For one, make a list of the marriage stressors that you two need to team up against.
Daily marriage stressors
Perhaps, there are daily stressors like who drives your child to day care. Often, daily stressors snowball and lead to anger and tension. Sometimes, irritability is from not fully communicating expectations about parenting. Your marriage therapist can help your both communicate better and more effectively.
Emergency stressors
Then, there are emergency stressors like who takes a sick day from work when your child is sick. Also, an emergency stressor could be one of you getting a new, scary diagnosis from a doctor. Maybe, one of you has to undergo surgeries that you were not expecting. As well, in the category of emergency stressors are miscarriages and pregnancy losses.
Family stressors
As well, there are family stressors like having a mentally ill parent, having a sick parent, or even loss of a parent. Perhaps, one of your siblings or parents is struggling with addiction, alcoholism, and this stresses you out. Perhaps, your sibling has special needs, and yo feel responsible to care for them. On that note, personal stressors play into the depth of your marital connection.
Life changes are stressors
Moving, changing jobs, buying a home, working from home, and going back to school are all major marriage stressors. So, if you are planning on moving, even if it is exciting and to a bigger home, it can put stress on your couple bubble. Also, remodeling or renovating your home can also be quite stressful and spark a need for couples therapy.
Yearly stressors
On a yearly basis, the anniversary of the date a loved one passed away is very significant. Every year, your marriage therapist can help you and your spouse remember your loved one in a meaningful way. As well, tax season can be stressful for couples where one person has a profession as a CPA. Tax season can be incredibly stressful for couples, especially if one owns a business too. In addition, if childhood times were chaotic and stressful around holidays, it can make holidays stressful now.
Understanding how seasons and times of the year change stress in your marriage is part of therapy.
Talking to your spouse and having more frequently couples therapy appointments may ease your stress during this time of year. Stress can cause couples to snap and create tensions in stressful situations. However, with the help of couples therapy, you can learn to share openly. Often, couples lose touch with each other. So, couples therapy can help restore playfulness and romance. However, with marriage counseling for anger management, together you can come up with ways to reduce stress and anger.
Take Time Away As A Couple
Sometimes, you should take time away from your parenting responsibilities, work, and life to be with your spouse. Planning a couples vacation and getaway supports a healthy couple bubble. So, you can take care of yourself, your marriage, and your mental health. Being angry for too long in a marriage can be from not having enough time together. From having quality time together on a couples getaway, you can feel closer. Also, constantly feeling mad at your spouse can cause you to have anxiety or depression.
Why start in marriage counseling for anger management?
Having anger in a marriage is normal. Many healthy marriages have anger at some point or another. However, relationships succeed because partners can manage their anger and come up with solutions together. As well, holistic marriage counseling for anger management supports a healthy couple bubble. You can have a safer relationship, where you can trust in each other. Also, marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling incorporates mindfulness meditation, yoga, art, and painting. So, you have options to release anger and build anger management skills beyond just talking.
Seek Professional Marriage Counseling Help
If you and your spouse can’t seem to reduce your anger on your own, consider getting marriage counseling to help you talk through your problems. The therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling can help you identify the roots of issues. In addition, you and your spouse can learn to develop proactive ways to solve conflicts before they escalate.
What are the towns in Connecticut that the Wisdom Within Counseling and Coaching team serve?
Wisdom Within Counseling offers in person counseling in Niantic, Connecticut. As well, Wisdom Within Counseling serves the following towns over video counseling, Easton, Ridgefield, Darien, Litchfield county, Fairfield county, Tolland county, Bloomberg, Southport, Newton, Orange, New Canaan, Wilton, Westport, and Weston, Connecticut. In addition, Wisdom Within Counseling also supports families and couples in Old Saybrook, Fenwick, Avon, Farmington, Brookfield, Glastonbury, Kent, Cornwall, Warren, Woodbridge, Sherman, West Hartford, Stonington, Mystic, Roxbury, Easton, Essex, Madison, and Lyme, Connecticut. Closer to Niantic and the Southeastern Area of Connecticut, we support families living in East Lyme, Montville, Uncasville, Waterford, New London, Groton, Norwich, Salem, and Old Lyme, Connecticut.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for anger management in marriage therapy for a loving connection.
Written by Matt Casadona, and Edited by Katie Ziskind LMFT, owner of Wisdom Within Counseling.
Matt Casadona is a guest blogger and has a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration, with a concentration in Marketing and a minor in Psychology. Also, Matt is passionate about marketing and business strategy and enjoys San Diego, California life, traveling, and music.
