Have you been cheating or having affairs for years? Wanting to repair and rebuild your marriage after betraying your spouse? Had your pornography addiction turned into a full blown sexual affair? Having sex with multiple people behind your spouse’s back and needing help from infidelity specialists? Wanting a marriage therapist who can help you rebuild trust and commitment and get to the roots of these behaviors? Cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, and secret keeping will destroy your marriage. Think of your marriage as a beautiful garden that needs your attention, sunlight, fertilizer, and care to grow. If you’re stuck in a negative habit such as alcoholism or having a secretive affair, this destroys all trust and confidence in your bond. With that said, infidelity is often rooted in emotional pain. Maybe, you feel unwanted by your spouse or when you try to talk, your spouse gives you the silent treatment. You feel powerless and hurt all over again by your spouse and it reminds you of your narcissistic father. After months and years of feeling alone, someone else started giving you attention and it quickly became and emotional affair and sexual affair. As well, it’s important to think of affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping as addictions. These are are a way to numb out and disassociate. So, when you are affairs, cheating, having sex with people outside your marriage, lying, identify as an alcoholic, or have a pornography addiction, and secret keeping, you’re seeking external validation outside yourself. These are signs of low self-esteem and a need to build confidence, self-acceptance and self-love tools.
Did you know that affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addictions, and secret keeping are numbing behaviors?
To note, affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping are numbing behaviors. They are ways to escape uncomfortable feelings. Your inner child is carrying a lot of emotions that need to be expressed. We all have childhood wounds that develop into needs. These show up in relationship conflicts and emotionally painful situations in your marriage. When you feel hurt, betrayed, insecure, or not good enough, how do you cope with that difficult emotion? Do you share it with your spouse? Or, do you pull away, having learned to cope on your own for years with your addiction? But, these addictions are very negative ways of coping. Not only do they isolate you, but you never learn how to release your emotions in healthy ways to improve your marriage for the long term. These addictions harm your marriage and prevent you from getting close to anyone. You might be trying to keep it perfect and keep all your stress stuffed inside. Essentially, affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping block and prevent you from having a deep, emotional, and meaningful bond with your spouse.
Sex addictions also occur because you’re craving connection.
Deep down, you want a deeper connection with your spouse. You want to feel loved, safe, secure, held tight, and happy together. But, right when you want love and acceptance the most, your spouse turns their back on you. You are stuck feeling unwanted and unloved. Seeking connection, you turn to your sexual addiction for some level of comfort. So, part of treatment and therapy for sexual addictions is rebuilding connection within your marriage. Both emotional and sexual connection skills are key in marriage counseling when recovering from sexual addiction.
Learn to nurture yourself emotionally through marriage counseling in Melbourne, Florida
So, one skill for when you want to turn towards these behaviors is to nurture yourself emotionally. Connect with your inner child’s deep pain. Remind yourself that you’re of value and are special to this world. Often, these sexually addictive behaviors are ways of dealing with emotions from severe childhood trauma. What is childhood trauma and how does it impact you? Maybe, you have parents who are narcissistic, emotionally abusive, or physically abusive. Your mother was very critical, angry, and emotionally inconsistent. Your emotions never mattered growing up leading to emotional neglect. When you were a child, you didn’t get cuddled or held close when you cried. As well, your sibling was the favorite child, leading you to feel unimportant and dismissed. When you wanted cuddles or attention, your parents gave it to your siblings. Maybe, your parents were physically abusive and hurt you. You have horrific memories of domestic violence or your parents being narcissistic and gaslighting you. When you think about being a six year old, your father choked you and hit you with a belt as a punishment. You never knew when you would experience physical abuse. Every day, you walked on eggshells. Your every move was to minimize domestic violence and keep you parents calm.
These are examples of physical trauma that lead you to believe that your feelings don’t matter to your parents.
As a child, you weren’t allowed to have a voice or express yourself emotionally.
Your narcissistic parents would give you the silent treatment, making you feel alone as a young child. You learned to stuff your emotions away using alcoholism, pornography, and sex addiction to cope in silence. And, your father was an alcoholic and pornography addict himself. Looking back, generational patterns of addiction run in your family. You felt emotionally dismissed, and like your body boundaries were never respected. Your mother was more concerned with all her boyfriends and affair partners than with your needs emotionally in childhood. Maybe, you remember growing up really fast and being parentified. You were forced to take care of your younger siblings.
As a result, you missed out on your childhood. Your emotional needs were left unmet for years and you pushed away this emotional pain with affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping. Crying was seen as a form of weakness in your home going up. No one was sensitive to your feelings or emotions. As a result, affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping have become ways for you to continue to push away your emotions. Nurturing yourself now is part of counseling with our marriage specialists in affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping. These self-sabotaging behaviors are signs of childhood trauma and neglect where you never had a trusted, safe adult to guide you emotionally.
Learning to identify emotions like powerlessness, sadness, hurt, unwantedness and rejection are key parts in recovery from affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping.
These painful emotions come up in conflicts in your marriage and remind you of being that small, helpless child. Power struggles in your marriage leave you feeling sad, hurt, confused, and unimportant all over again. Marriage counseling in Melbourne, Florida treats the root issues. Your sexual addiction and alcoholism are just symptoms of larger emotional needs. Your inner child needs your attention, love, nurturing, and kindness more now than ever. So, a huge part of getting to the root of affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping with our marriage counseling specialists in Melbourne, Florida is nurturing your whole self. Understand that what your inner child needs is your own love. You don’t need multiple sexual partners or to compulsively use pornography to feel that temporary high.
Instead of using affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping to push away uncomfortable emotions, feel your feelings.
Let yourself cry.
And, understand that caring for yourself deeply is one of the best skills you can develop. It may take practice and time, but it is well worth the effort. When you feel alone, marriage counseling in Melbourne, Florida can help you take deep breaths. Instead of pushing away your emotions, you can sit with them and let them pass. For instance, when you feel powerless, rejected, neglected, hurt, inferior, criticized, or unwanted by your spouse, just mindfully sit with this feeling. Don’t just turn to affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping to push your emotions down. Recognize that all emotions are valid and will pass.
Learn to overcome the root of chronic affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping with our marriage counseling specialists in Melbourne, Florida. You get a safe place to repair trust wounds in your marriage. Marriage counseling in Melbourne, Florida helps you learn to use a healthy coping strategy including gardening, cleaning, cooking, laughing, painting, or socializing. You can learn to talk to your spouse and express your needs more clearly. Finding healthy coping skills gives emotions that are uncomfortable outlets. Exercise, being athletic, jogging, yoga, and playing pickle ball are great ways to move uncomfortable emotions through your body. At Wisdom Within Counseling and Coaching, our marriage therapists recommend couples exercise together at least twice a week. This is a form of bonding and connection. As well, playing a musical instrument, dancing, and listening to music are wonderful ways to nurture your inner child and heal the unmet love needs caused by childhood trauma. Bonding as a couple over music can reduce the likelihood of chronic affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping. Working with our marriage counseling specialists in Melbourne, Florida helps your rebuild trust and commitment in your marriage after betrayal. These addictions create separation, betrayal, resentment, and anger. Affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping don’t make your marriage better. They inhibit and prevent a deep emotional connection. So, meeting with our marriage counseling specialists in Melbourne, Florida gives you specific skills for emotional vulnerability, communication, and intimacy.
Working with the Melbourne, Florida marriage therapists who specialize in affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping help you rebuild your couple bubble.
Furthermore, another skill for recovery from affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping is to understand your couple bubble. Your marriage isn’t going to grow on its own. Just like your body needs food and car needs fuel, your couple bubble needs your presence.
As well, your couple bubble needs you to be authentic, raw, and emotionally vulnerable. A healthy couple bubble makes you feel safe, close and connected when miles apart or two inches away on the same couch. Even if you and your spouse sleep in the same bed, you can feel like you are on different planets. At Wisdom Within Counseling and Coaching, our marriage therapists teach you skills for intimacy, closeness, meaningful connection, and emotional vulnerability.
We are often never taught about how to grow and develop a marriage.
So, couples therapy for recovery from affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping in Melbourne, Florida teaches you skills to develop your couple bubble. You are both growing a garden together when married. It needs your attention, love, and presence. Your couple bubble is something you are both growing, every interaction you have. Sometimes, you crack a joke and your spouse ignores you. This hurts and builds resentment. Or, you feel that your spouse’s needs are more important that yours and this adds up to resentment.
The Gottmans discuss sliding glass doors. Essentially, you and your spouse can either slide a glass door open and nurture your couple bubble. Or, you can both unintentionally or intentionally slam a glass door in each other’s face. To note, affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping metaphorically slam the glass door in your spouse’s face. Marriage counseling in Melbourne, Florida helps assess for problematic behaviors. Our team would love to help you build a strong, secure, and emotionally resilient couple bubble!
When looking for help for affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping in marriage counseling in Melbourne, Florida, Wisdom Within Counseling specializes in these complex couples therapy issues.
We call these co-occurring complex issues. At Wisdom Within Counseling, in Melbourne, Florida, our team of marriage therapists are trained in these complex challenges. These addictive behaviors are traced back to childhood experiences. When you are struggling with depression, anxiety, emotional pain, and PTSD, it’s very common to turn to affairs, cheating, infidelity, lying, alcoholism, pornography addiction, and secret keeping. Working with our marriage counseling specialists in Melbourne, Florida gives you tools to cope in holistic, healthy ways with uncomfortable emotions.
