If you’re in a fighting couple unit and you feel like you’re having the same fight over and over again, Old Lyme, Connecticut marriage therapy can help.
You never feel like there’s any clarity that comes from your conversations.
There are intense cycles of high conflict, yelling, name calling, where you feel hopeless or helpless after a fight.
You really just need a professional marriage therapist to help you both build better communication skills.
There’s yelling, hurtful name calling and some really negative communication occurring. Couples therapy in Southeastern Connecticut gives you a toolbox to build better communication, slow down, and emotional connection.
You want to stay together, but you need help improving communication and just stopping that cycle of fighting.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult to start in couples counseling in Old Lyme, Connecticut.
One tip to use today is to really slow down your conversations.
A lot of times, both people start getting faster in their speech. Then, the heart rate increases because you feel like you’re not being heard. With negative communication and anger, hurtful words are said. You start yelling and talking louder to make you partner listen. It just makes matters worse. Notice the pattern of escalation of anger and anxiety, and slow down.
What do you when you feel angry at your spouse?
The best thing that you can do in an intense moment is taking space. Taking space is a self-care coping tool if you notice your heart rate increasing. If couples keep arguing, usually what they are about to say is going to be hurtful. Maybe, couples get nasty and one person tries to say the last word. Old Lyme, Connecticut marriage therapy can help you understand what is not productive or constructive. So, slow down, take a deep breath and try to take space apart.
A second tip to use before starting Old Lyme, Connecticut marriage therapy at Wisdom Within Counseling is naming feelings.
Tip number two for when you’re stuck in a fighting cycle is noticing your emotions. Usually, you’re fighting about a situation or trying to explain your side, blame comes in. Instead of defending your point of view as to why you are right, or why your partner is wrong, share how you feel. Instead of getting stuck in the cycle of explaining or telling the story of how you think it went down, focus on the emotion that you had.
How can emotional expression and sharing feelings support a healthy marriage?
Did you feel nervous? Or, did you feel scared or frustrated? Did you feel uncomfortable? Talk about the emotion that you had instead explaining your side. Your spouse can connect to how you felt better than when they feel blame. Share, “I felt really nervous and scared when…”
Sharing emotions is going to be much more effective and improve your communication starting today.
Understanding the emotions at hand is key. Couples get stuck explaining their point of view, which is not helpful. Maybe, you have the best intentions, but when we explain, fights get escalated because no one feels heard. A marital fight goes quickly from like tense tone of voice to extreme yelling or door slamming. In severe fights, one partner might kick the other partner out or threaten divorce. There’s like a lot of attention that is needed on the emotions. Instead, in Old Lyme couples therapy, we focus on the emotional sharing process to rebuild security and intimacy.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult for marriage therapy for positive connection and trust.
Couples counseling supports the deeper emotional exchange and building emotional closeness.
A lot of couples get stuck in like explaining like what they think they did right and how their partner did something wrong. You can learn to talk about feelings and use emotional identification skills in your couples therapy sessions. We keep it fun and playful here at Wisdom Within Counseling. Couples in distress can understand why they may be feeling protective, why you might be on edge around your partner, and how to heal from past fights.
A third tip for a healthy marriage is understanding stress and lack of resources
If you’re stuck in a fighting vicious cycle, where you might not be feeling heard, understand how stress plays a role. You might be feeling upset or distressed in your relationship and angry. Understand that other stressors can play a role in creating relationship conflict. Getting enough sleep, eating balanced meals, and social time outside of your relationship helps you bring your best self forward. As well, stress from extended family members can put massive stress on couples. So, if you have a parent who is emotionally immature, if your spouse has a parent who is manipulative or very critical, this can cause more fights. Family stressors like setting boundaries with in-law’s or having a parent wanting to barrow money can cause conflicts for couples.
What stressors do we get to address in Old Lyme, Connecticut marriage therapy?
Even though you might be fighting about something right now, other stressful issues play a role. Stressors like loss of a parent and grieving the death of a parent take a toll on married life. As well, having a child who has a medical condition or autism means less attention can goto your romantic relationship. Being worried about your child’s health, getting pregnant, miscarriage, and even infertility can create challenges for couples.
If you want to stay together, but fights are super intense, Wisdom Within Counseling and Old Lyme, Connecticut marriage therapy can help.
You might be feeling stressed out in a frustrating conflict, but Old Lyme, Connecticut marriage therapy can help you know that there are other things contributing. And, couples counseling and marriage therapy in Southeastern Connecticut can definitely help you build a better communication.
Talking with a couples therapist can improve your love life, improve your sex life and overall, and help you regain emotional intimacy.
Here, at Wisdom Within Counseling in Old Lyme, Connecticut, we can help you build meaningful connection. Overall, you get important improve your communication, so that you can create and build passionate, healing, long lasting love. Our team of marriage and family therapists would love to work with you and your spouse. We strive to understand your marital situation and your story. Then, your marriage counselor will give you tools specific to your relationship goals. You can have a really solid, secure marriage from Old Lyme, Connecticut couples therapy.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult to build a healthy positive, meaningful marriage through counseling.
A fourth tip for overcoming fighting through couples therapy is understanding the pattern of arguing
Notice the fight cycle that happens as every couple has a pattern of arguments. Maybe, it’s a certain time of day where you fight. Or, maybe you’re coming home from work and reconnecting creates a fight because you feel distant. There might be a fight that breaks out, because you’re rejoining after time apart. For some couples, fight happen as a result of not having high-quality time with along together.
Lack of self-care leads to more arguments and conflict in couples
A fight pattern and or argument cycle may happen at a certain time of day, like if you are very exhausted. Maybe, you’ve worked a 12-hour shift, or you’ve just not had a lot of food during the day. If you’ve skipped lunch or breakfast and you’re exhausted on a personal level, conflict are easily occur. Self-care is essential to reducing conflict in your marriage. There’s often more of a risk of a high conflict fight breaking out at a time when your personal battery is low.
Why is self-care important in Old Lyme, Connecticut marriage therapy?
There’s more distance with your romantic partner due to the lack of self-care. In order to build the best romantic, intimate relationship, couples have to have really strong self-care tools personally. If there has been a lack of sleep, that can lead to more fights. Maybe there’s been something really awesome like having a new baby, but there’s lack of sleep, and you’re exhausted. Lack of food and sleep can contribute to your fight pattern or your fight cycle.
A fifth tip is to talk about trauma symptoms and PTSD responses to conflict
A lot of couples have unresolved past trauma or PTSD symptoms. There might have been a painful emotional experience in this relationship or a past one that lingers. As well, a fight from five or ten years ago is unresolved and the pain is still lingering. Every time you get into another fight, that old fight comes back up. All those intense, hurt, angry, betrayed, unresolved emotions come back to the surface. When one or both people have trauma and PTSD symptoms, there can be flooding. Flooding in a fight is where your heart rate increases and you just immediately feel angry or hurt.
Old Lyme, Connecticut marriage therapy can help you decode anger and heal unresolved trauma and PTSD
Anger is the easiest emotion to show and is saying, “I am hurting.” So, in couples therapy, the team of marriage and family therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling can help couples overcome anger. We ask, “What’s under anger? What’s the purpose of anger?” There’s often sorrow, grief, loss, anxiety, betrayal, hurt and emotional neglect underneath anger. A lot of these huge deep, painful emotions underneath anger need a voice to heal. Marriage counseling can help you communicate those emotions in a calm and effective way. Your therapist can help your partner understand trauma and PTSD triggers such as a raised voice or how yelling is scary.
An affair, infidelity or cheating create trauma and PTSD within your marriage
At Wisdom Within Counseling in Southeastern Connecticut, our team of marriage and family therapists help couples who have had a history of infidelity. Maybe, you’re fighting after an affair due to trust wounds. Or, maybe your partner had a one-night stand or cheated on you and there is no trust remaining. If one or both partners were unfaithful in some way, marriage counseling is necessary for repairing. Pornography use can create fear, anxiety, and trauma. An affair is a massive betrayal that leads to trauma and PTSD symptoms. The marriage and family therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling specialize in couples who feel hurt, betrayed and need to repair commitment, trust, and shared meaning of marriage.
Why do we focus on childhood trauma and C-PTSD in Old Lyme, Connecticut marriage therapy?
Childhood trauma also influence conflict styles and argument patterns. Growing up, your partner may not have learned how to resolve conflicts in a calm way. Perhaps, they grew up with a lot of physical abuse or sexual trauma. They may have been hit when they were being punished. No one taught them how to be emotionally expressive. In your family growing up, there may have been lots of yelling and name calling was normal. At Wisdom Within Counseling, our team of therapists would love to help you build intimacy, playfulness and positive connection in your relationship.
To begin, click the button below for a phone consult to build healthy communication and long lasting love in couples therapy.
You can talk about emotional flooding, trauma, and PTSD in marriage therapy in Old Lyme, Connecticut
One person might be sharing what they’re going through, and the other person may be flooded with emotions. When flooding occurs, marriage therapy can support self-soothing, grounding, and slowing down. Couples counseling with a focus on trauma and PTSD recovery can help you get on the same page again emotionally, physically, and spiritually. From emotional safety, couples can rebuild sexual intimacy and a healthy sex life back.
A sixth tip for a happy marriage is to talk about sex often
Sex is the first thing to go when couples are fighting.
There is a sense of protection when one person pulls away sexually. Sexual rejection can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, anger, and tension. Often, couples do not have open conversations about sexual desires or sexual needs. At times, on person feels unsafe being open to having sex. Old Lyme, Connecticut marriage therapy can help you and your spouse rebuild trust and your sex life. Sometimes, when couples talk about sex, they feel intense emotions or upset. This is where the team at Wisdom Within Counseling can help.
Talking about sex, sexual pleasure, and what you need to feel safe being sexually vulnerable are parts of couples counseling.
Couples counseling supports an open sexual conversations around building long lasting love and a satisfying sex life. At Wisdom Within Counseling, your marriage therapist can help you understand what you both need to create a meaningful connection. Some couples need sexual stability and sexual communication tools, and other couples need sexual playfulness or spice in the bedroom.
If you’re looking to get started in relationship counseling or couples therapy, we would love to help you build an awesome, healthy, loving relationship at Wisdom Within Counseling.
Katie Ziskind and the team of marriage and family therapists at Wisdom Within Counseling would love to help you and your partner. You can build a calm communication style, a toolbox of emotional skills for flooding, and the marriage that you’ve always been looking for. If you’re in a relationship where there’s fighting, frustration, distance or lack of emotional connection, you’re not alone. We specialize with couples who have the same fight over and over again or feel like there’s never any resolution. At Wisdom Within Counseling, we help couples find healthy alternatives to hurtful words and negative jabs. With the help of an Old Lyme, Connecticut marriage therapist, you can stop the vicious cycle of fighting and arguing.
What is a healthy relationship anyway?
We create one! At Wisdom Within Counseling, our team of marriage and family therapists would love to help you and your spouse build a loving, meaningful connection. We come together in couples counseling on video or in person, to look at important communication skills. Just like you would have skills to apply at a job and with skills on a resume, a set of emotional skills are required for a healthy marriage and romantic relationship. At Wisdom Within Counseling, we offer couples counseling in Florida, Connecticut, and Massachusetts.
Online and in person in Niantic, we help couples in neighboring towns.
We help couples in Bozrah, Waterford, Old Lyme, Ivoryton, Centerbrook, Essex, East Lyme, Franklin, Griswold, Groton, Ledyard, Lisbon, Montville, Glastonbury, Colchester, East Haddam, Hadlyme, Hamburg, Old Saybrook, and Madison. In farther away towns, we offer video counseling in Connecticut to Portland, Berlin, East Hampton, Haddam, Litchfield, Simsbury, Fairfield, Cobalt, Cromwell, Rocky Hill, West Hartford, Clinton, Wethersfield, Middlebury, Waterbury, Guilford, Chester, Deep River, Moodus, Durham, and Middletown.
