Parenting grandchildren is a unique type of relationship. Many times, when a grandparent has more of a parenting role with a grandchild, it is unfortunately filled with more responsibility. Family therapy can help grandparents and grandchildren bring more playfulness and joy into their relationships. Sometimes, a grandparent will caretaker or adopt a grandchild because their adult child has a drug problem, is in jail, has alcoholism, or makes impulsive decisions in someway. When grandparent parents a child, they step in to dual roles. In the scenarios where a grandparent steps in to be a primary caretaker, this article outlined helpful information.
Have legal documents signed for doctors and therapists when you are parenting your grandchildren
Make sure that everyone knows about important appointments such as with a therapist or pediatrician. For instance, a biological parent may need to sign an authorization for disclosure or a release of information, for a grandparent to receive information or reschedule appointments. As well, taking the time upfront to ensure all paperwork is signed and consent documents are completed, will allow seamless care for the child. As well, it can help to have a shared calendar. This can help parents and grandparents feeling like a team working together.
If possible, have one home.
When it is possible, have children, parents and grandparents reside in one home. When possible, have everyone live in the same home together. There are some cases, where this is not possible. When parenting your grandchildren, live in one big home. However, see if it is possible in other cases to live in close proximity such as within 5 to 10 miles of each other. Living close together and living in the same home can be an advantage when it can come to routine. Overall, living together in one home is most ideal for children. For one, it provides the most consistency and reliability. Even if a parent is drinking all night at the bar or in jail for a month, a grandparent can strive to maintain reliability and consistency. When children move homes, there is more abrupt inconsistency.
Seek professional counseling to maintain self-care.
Grandparents are getting to a point in their life where they are retiring, taking naps, going to tropical beaches, and slowing down. So, jumping back into parenting maybe the last thing that is desired or expected.
Do self-care
There will be challenges. On that note, parenting may mean reaching out for more self-care tools to be up for the job. Therapy is positive energy that comes back to you As a grandparent, seek professional marriage and family therapy to maintain mental clarity. Working with a therapist can help you return refreshed to parenting your grandchild. And, you can learn about family patterns and how to better communicate calmly with your adult child. A therapist can provide positive coping tools for stress management as you were balancing many new responsibilities. Wisdom Within Counseling supports grandparents parenting grandchildren using creative outlets and playfulness.
Understand all tears and emotions are okay
At first, jumping back into parenting may bring up a variety of new emotions. You might feel angry at your adult child for being so irresponsible. Also, you might feel resentment for having to do what nobody else wants to do.
In addition, you might feel joy for having the gift of being able to step in and take care of your grandchildren so they don’t end up in the foster care system.
As well, you might feel sad that your adult child doesn’t get to be the parent that you had the opportunity to be to them. Blaming yourself runs through your mind. You may wonder if you caused this somehow by missing something when you were parenting them. Self-doubt is very real for grandparents as they watch their adult child fail at parenting in some ways. Expressing these emotions in a safe income way to a therapist can be a great way to cope and unload. At Wisdom Within a counseling, your therapist can help you unload guilt and shame and feel confident.
Do you yoga and exercise on a regular basis when parenting your grandchildren
As well, staying active and exercising are great ways to practice self-care. Going to the local yoga studio can be a wonderful way to feel grounded and calm. As well, you can do a yoga class on YouTube.
Listening to self-love meditation, guided visualization, yoga class, and practicing connecting to your self are beautiful ways to manage stress.
Parenting your grandchild and showing up every day with a positive attitude means having a strong self-care practice. Carve out time and schedule time to nourish your soul. Essentially, it is impossible and unhealthy to give from an empty bucket. If you try to do so, you will become exhausted, burnt out, and ill. Instead, focus on preventative self-care measures. Try four hours of exercise per week spread out to give your mind a release. Do Yoga on Mondays, Zumba Tuesdays, Personal Training Fridays and Yoga on Sundays. You can also make friends that are around your same age in yoga class. Chat with someone afterwards and see if they want to get lunch with you at the local café in a week. Remember, you deserve to have a social life to even if you are back parenting.
Get enough sleep when parenting grandchildren
Sleeping and getting enough sleep or essential for both grandchildren and for grandparents. As a grandparent, you are the one leading the household and creating structure. And, children need structure to feel safe and calm. Focus on bedtime routines such as brushing teeth, getting into pajamas, bedtime stories, lights out, and going to sleep yourself. Many times, parents and grandparents stay up much too late and to pray themselves asleep. Remember, it is ok to go to bed early and go to bed when your grandchildren go to bed. In the morning, focus on having the same routine as well. Maria Montessori recommends having the list in pictures visible to your grand children on the wall at eye level. This way, your grand children can understand what is coming next in the routine.
Work with a child specialist
Children will not be able to verbalize very much and will try to show you a lot of what they are feeling. Remember the children are not naturally prone to talking about how they feel. On the other hand, and adults with a mature brain and fully developed emotional mind will be more able to speak about how they feel. Therefore, it is important to understand that a child brain is not yet fully developed. What this means is that they do not talk about emotions directly and will need help processing emotional experiences.
Children will play out, act out, and draw out what has happened in their life and their day.
Be perceptive to what your grandchild is talking about, acting out, and playing with. If your grandchild starts playing with toys in a sexual way, contact a child therapist right away.
Parenting Grandchildren
Also, contact a child specialist if you grand child is being highly aggressive with toys, hitting, or playing in a way that is concerning to you. It is healthy and important to reach out for child counseling. When a child is playing, they are mentally releasing experiences that have been observed. A child therapist can help identify if there is a history of sexual abuse and the next steps for helping your child have a successful future.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, The team of marriage and family therapist specialize in helping children who has been through trauma.
Play therapy, art therapies, yoga therapy, music therapies, and outdoor therapies are beneficial for children who have experiences of trauma. Also, not all trauma therapists specialize with children. So, it is important to do your research and work with a child specialist. Child specialists will have toys and a child’s level, will have lots of objects around the room. We have play therapy items including puppets, dough, musical instruments, and games.
Creative therapies are very beneficial for children who have a history of trauma, creative therapies help children with behavior challenges.
After a parent goes to jail, develops alcoholism, or drug problem, a child may feel abandonment. In addition, a child may not understand what is going on and will develop negative behaviors. Sometimes, a child develops pica or nailbiting. Other times, a child develops selective mutism and stop speaking all together due to anxiety. Other times, children develop anger and aggressive behaviors at the grandparents because they are the only stable figure in their life.
Working with a family therapist and child specialist can help grandparents feel confident in setting boundaries and how to say “no.“
Grandparents also may have been raised in a generation where physical punishment was more normalized. Child therapist can help grandparents learn more modern and up-to-date practices for positive reinforcement rather than physical punishment. A therapist can help grandparents understand the importance of using privileges being taken away instead of physical punishment. Also, studies show that positive reinforcement is much more effective than physical punishment which may be new, educational information for grand parents.
Do you not lie to a child about what is going on with their parent
Sometimes, it might seem okay to withhold information when it is not child appropriate. For instance, it is okay to withhold to graphic details about their parent’s death. However, it is not okay to lie to a child. If a child’s parent his dead and is no longer here on earth, it is important to be honest. Think about why you are reluctant or afraid to tell them. It is okay to cry. Maybe, you not sure of how to handle their emotional reaction or response to the news.
If so, contact child therapist or family counselor at Wisdom Within Counseling.
And, you can share the news with the family therapist’s guidance. Telling the truth teaches your grandchild that honesty is a sign of respect. If your grandchild’s parent has died, it is important to let them know. A family therapist can guide and support you in this process. Share your grief and loss with your grand child.
Really, cry together and be there for each other through the grief process.
However, do not lie to your grandchild and tell them that their parent moved away or left if they actually are dead. Your grandchildren will be sad, angry, hurt, and confused if they find out the truth another way. It may even feel like a betrayal to them. The best way to go is to be honest and upfront. A child therapist can introduce you to children’s books that help normalize what your grandchildren are going through
Get a tutor to help your grandchild be academically successful
Academic goals may fall to the wayside when a child is having trouble concentrating and focusing from family chaos. As well, child’s grades are usually slipping for a long time before a someone steps in. Your grandchild may have not been caught up in school or going a while. This next chapter of parenting grandchildren is an adventure..
As well, your grandchild may have ADHD, dyslexia, extended testing time, or special needs.
Getting your child an academic tutor for a specific class that they are feeling frustration around can help boost their confidence. For instance, your adolescent grandchild hates math. Math reduces their self-esteem and causes them to want to leave school. So, getting your grandchild a math tutor can help them feel more confident, they can apply themselves in class, and raise their hand with the right answer. Getting a math tutor can help your grandchild be successful in the subject where they feel weak. And, the tutor can also provide a bit of role modeling. Who doesn’t need more role models.
There are benefits to being a grandparent who is parenting grandchildren
Thinking of the benefits can help you remember how important your role is as a grandparent. You have a very special and significant role in providing your grandchild with a safe, stable, reliable, and loving home environment.
More than anything, they need you for security and love in life.
The fact that you are stepping in and providing them with love and nurturing during this challenging time in their lives. It is going to teach them about how to treat others and they grow up. Parenting grandchildren is no easy task. But, it is well worth the effort.
You’re teaching your grandchild about self worth and self respect.
As well, grandparents may be experiencing depression, body pain, challenges physically, and need a reason to get up in the morning. So, having grandchildren live with a grandparent can help a grandparent feel more useful. Playing on the floor with grandchildren can promote flexibility. Throwing a ball around can build muscle strength and a grandparent and promote longevity in their life. Having grandchildren can keep a grandparent young and healthy.
If you are a grand parent parenting a grandchild, and you are looking for a holistic, creative, alternative counseling experience where you can feel supported and nurtured, you’re in the right place.
The team at Wisdom Within Counseling are a group of marriage and family therapists.
We offer out of the box therapies to promote mindfulness, self-love, and intuitive self-care. If you are looking to help your grandchild express emotions, we offer a child centered play therapy.
What is child centered play therapy?
Child centered play therapy is the language of a child. From toddlers to elementary age, children need play therapy to release what they are going through emotionally. A parents divorce, illness in a sibling, and ADHD, play therapy support children and expressing emotions in their way. Children cannot talk about emotions like adults can. So, the team at Wisdom Within Counseling specialize with children and families.
Instagram @WisdomWithinCt
Facebook @WisdomWithinCt
LGBTQIA+ Affirming
