The holiday season can be exciting and fun! It can also be overwhelmingly stressful and frustrating. As we come together with family members we haven’t seen all year, we may find ourselves in the middle of dysfunction. At Wisdom Within Counseling, we can help support you during your family gatherings during the holiday season.
Tip #1: Don’t Be Afraid to Set Boundaries!
Often when we are with our family members, we easily slip back into old patterns. You may find it difficult to advocate for our needs. Furthermore, you may find yourself making excuses for family members and their behavior. It can be easy to let Grandma Susie say what she wants when she’s been that way her entire life!
It’s okay to state your or your child’s needs this holiday season with family members.
Make a list of what you or your child will need to feel comfortable at parties and gatherings this year. You might need to arrive late or leave early. Also, you may ask for a quiet room that your child can go to if things become overstimulating. Additionally, you may want to ask that conversation about an event like divorce or loss of a loved one be kept to a minimum.
Once you’ve identified your needs, calmly communicate them to your family.
Be sure to let your family know that you are stating your needs so that you can have a great time this holiday season! Also, gentle reminders that there’s no blaming or shaming going on go a long way. Many people find that asking their family if there’s anything they need can open the conversation and ensure everyone feels important. Share that your only goal is for everyone to enjoy your family gatherings during the holiday season!
Working with a therapist can help you identify your needs and learn how to share them with others.
It can be difficult to fully understand what we need from others to feel safe and comfortable. When you come to therapy, you can slow down the process of understanding your needs. Also, we can help you practice the skill of calmly communicating your needs with others. In a safe and judgment-free environment, you can begin the process of asking others to help you feel more safe and comfortable in your own life.
To begin, click the button below for a free phone consult to learn more about how a therapy can help you and your family this holiday season!
Tip #2: Try Not to Expect Perfection
Remember that human beings are creatures of habit. It can be very difficult for people to do things differently. Also, when it comes to family, many people make exceptions for behavior because “that’s just the way our family is.”
Do your best to be gentle and kind with yourself and your family during the holidays.
It is not possible for you or anyone in your family to be perfect. You might have discussed your leaving early with your family and still receive push back when you go to leave. Or, maybe you asked for a certain topic not to be discussed and then you realize halfway through dinner that you’ve brought the topic up.
If someone crosses your boundary, gently let them know.
Calmly let your family know that your child has school the next day and you know bedtime is super important to their success in school. Share with your family that, while you appreciate everyone’s concern for you, you’d rather not discuss that topic right now. This calm approach can help you enjoy your family gatherings this holiday season.
It might be helpful to have scripted responses prepared for when someone crosses a boundary.
Although we can’t be prepared for every situation, you might find it helpful to know exactly what you will say if someone crosses a boundary you have set. Additionally, by having these rehearsed responses, you are reminding yourself that no one is perfect and you will likely have to provide gentle reminders as the night goes on.
Coming to therapy can help you and your child prepare for these stressful family gatherings during the holidays.
Together with your therapist, you can work through your difficulties connecting with your family. In therapy, you can learn to set boundaries, practice setting boundaries in the moment, and better understand how to navigate time with your family. Additionally, a therapist can work with your child to prepare them for new family settings. This may including gatherings with new family members, after the loss of a family member, or in a new location.
To begin, click the button below to learn more about how our therapist can help you set boundaries with your family!
Tip #3: Remember Your Healthy Coping Strategies During the Holidays!
With the added stress family and holidays, make sure you keep up those healthy coping strategies you’ve worked so hard to develop! Maintaining your routines and keeping up with those habits that help you feel your best are key to enjoying your time with your family.
Get the whole family involved in maintaining their routines too!
Whether it’s just your household or your family at large, encourage those around you to keep up with their healthy coping strategies too! Navigating time with family during the holidays becomes a lot easier when we approach from a place of health and happiness. Also, check in with one another and help each other use those coping strategies throughout the holiday season.
Additionally, you could plan a “mental health break” in your family gatherings during the holiday season.
Your entire family might benefit from everyone finding some time to rest and reset during your time together. This might look like a slow walk outside after a meal. Also, you could try a twenty minute “quiet time” or rest break for the family. Or, try suggesting that a certain room be dedicated for breaks- kept quiet, maybe with fidget toys or craft supplies.
At Wisdom Within Counseling, our specialized therapists can help you enjoy spending time with your family.
We specialize in working with families that struggle to communicate and connect with one another. We are an LGBTQIA+ affirming practice and specialize in expressive, creative, holistic approaches to counseling.
